'AITA for moving out and lying to my stepsister about where I'm going to college?'
"AITA for moving out and lying to my stepsister about where I'm going to college?"
My dad and stepmom were both widowed when me and my stepsister (18f/18f) were 5. They met a year later and became "widowed parent friends" which I always believe they started dating like a year after my mom/stepsister's dad died but they don't want to be honest and say they moved on so fast, especially when they had kids.
So we'd all hang out together during the day and we'd have late nights at each other's houses for a couple of years. Even back then I struggled to get along with my stepsister. She was always a sensitive kid.
She was shy, quiet, very delicate to any kind of negativity or being corrected. I'm quiet and introverted so similar. But I was supposed to be her best friend (said my dad) and to be gentle with her, be there for her, help her with stuff, make her laugh.
It was annoying back then and when my dad and stepmom admitted they were dating I really hated that I was now stuck with her. She stuck to me in school and would track me down and follow me around.
My dad told me I should love having a sister my age. I told him I didn't. He told me to think about how great it could be. I told him I wanted to spend time with friends without her. He said she was my best friend.
She never could make her own friends. She's very hard to get close to. She hardly talks. She'll talk if it's just us but it's so painful. She never wants to do anything and just follows me around. There were times I would leave and go spend time with friends and she'd cry and I'd get into trouble for leaving her.
Then our half siblings were born and it was a sh!!!tshow. I love my half siblings. It was clear I loved them but not my stepsister. My stepmom made that a very big deal and told me I shouldn't love some siblings more than others, I should love everyone.
She also accused me of turning my half siblings against my stepsister. But she never wanted to play with them or speak to them. Yet she would get upset when they favored me too.
But mostly she hated that I favored them to her. I never wanted to spend time with her. I always had to be forced to. It showed. That didn't help. Family therapy was quit after four months because my dad and stepmom didn't like that so much focus was put on helping my stepsister branch out instead of helping us come together as "sisters".
For two years my dad and stepmom and stepsister were planning for me and her to go to college together, to move out together so we could travel at the same time and settle in together.
I made plans behind their back with my grandpa. And against their wishes I moved out in June and moved in with grandpa for the summer and I'll be starting community college in this town when school starts back up.
My dad finally found out. He and my stepmom were already pissed I moved out without my stepsister and now they're pissed we won't be in the same school. Dad was pissed I lied to him for two years. I told him he left me with no choice. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sweetcilantro
NTA. They shoved the responsibilities of whats sounds like your stepmoms obviously very neurodivergent daughter onto you instead of working on helping her themselves.
Dramatic-Top-6946 (OP)
They figured she'd be fine if we were close. But it was never going to work. I have a small group of friends, but still friends. She has never made one and I don't think she ever wanted to make any.
So she was uncomfortable following me and I resented her for not being able to be with my friends. As introverted as I am I do better in my friend group than just my stepsister and me.
BunnySlayer64
You are obviously NTA. And it just chaps my hide to read yet another story of parents going to therapy, not to find a healthy way for the family to adjust to reality, but to "fix" the child that they see as being the problem and forcing them to conform to what they (the parents) want them to be like. I'm so glad your grandfather had your back. Live your life on your own terms and thrive.
mdthomas
You're 18 amd an adult. You are NOT responsible for looking after your stepsister as she goes to college. NTA.
Dramatic-Top-6946 (OP)
Not sure my dad or stepmom will ever agree but even my dad's parents agree. They helped me keep the move quiet. Wish they could get through to him but nope.
LouisV25
NTA. You are not your stepsister’s support animal. You are free to live your life without the burden of someone that will not make their own friends. As far as lying goes, you’re right, they left you no choice. Having a conversation with them would not have worked.
bestbobever
NTA - Your dad and stepmom made every possible wrong choice. Your sisters happiness is not your responsibility. Her emotional well being is not your responsibility. They don't get to decide that she is your best friend. They even tried damaging your bond with your half siblings because your step sister didn't have things her way.
Bloodystupidjohnson3
NTA. They seem to think you are an emotional support sibling. You are 18. You made your own adult choices. Good for you! I don't have children, but from the outside, it looks like your dad and stepmom don't understand how siblings work. Sticking two kids in the same house and telling them that they are now sisters doesn't seem like a solid plan.