'AITA for moving out of my parent's house when my brother and his family moved in?'
"AITA for moving out of my parent's house when my brother and his family moved in?"
Grand-Comb3714
There is a whole lot of unnecessary back story I will leave out. I rented my parent's house after they retired and moved south. I paid slightly below market rate. The plan was for me to save up and eventually buy the house at a great price.
They would then give that money to my brother as his part of their estate. My share was the subsidized rent and the very subsidized purchase agreement. Everyone thought this was fair.
Until my brother's wife started running up debts they couldn't cover. This lead to them losing their home and needing help. I love my brother and my nephews so when my mom asked me if they could move in I talked to my husband and we agreed. We are in the process of adopting two siblings but we are still not there. It was only going to be temporary so why not.
Half off the rent for a few months would totally help us with the down payment and expenses. They moved in in February. When March rolled around I sent transferred half my usual rent to my parents.
My mom called to ask me where the rest was. I said I assumed that Brad was paying the other half. Nope. I had to pay all the rent. I asked why I had to pay for them to stay in my house. My mom said it wasn't my house yet and that I was being mouthy.
I saw the writing on the wall. I paid the rent and started looking. We had a good amount saved up and we didn't need a big old house with lots of maintenance issues we had been handling.
We paid the full rent in April as well. But we moved out and into the house we closed on. It was ready for immediate possession. With my husband and I having decent income and 25% down it went smoothly. The only downside is the much smaller yard. But it is a block away from a public park so we aren't losing much.
I did tell my parents we were leaving. May first I got another call from my mom. She wanted the rent. I said I wasn't living there any more. She said I was breaking our deal. I said that our deal never included me paying for my brother's living expenses.
She said that they couldn't afford to cover the mortgage without my rent. I told her to get money from my brother. He was still working. She said he was trying to pay his debts. I said that his wife should get a job.
I could write a much longer post just on this discussion. Long story short she said I was being cheap and viscous to my brother and to my parents. We are settling in to our newish house and just ignoring them for a while. But I'm wondering about if maybe I'm wrong. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
HornyRespectfully
Definitely NTA. You didn’t sign up to start supporting your brother and his whole family. And you were courteous when you paid the full rent and informed your mom you were moving out. Did your brother even say thank you for spotting his rent?
The OP responded here:
Grand-Comb3714
No he didn't. We barely talked. He is somewhat ashamed of his current situation since he always made fun of me for living at home while he was out "making something of himself".
SpaceJesusIsHere
You gave them more notice of leaving than they gave you that you'd still be paying full rent to house a 2nd family. So NTA. But let's be real, you were never getting to own that house as long as your brother's family needed it.
You'd probably have to evict them and deal with months of family drama and animosity. You did the right thing for your family. Especially since you're trying to adopt. Owning a home and not having too many people in it are major factors in that process.
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - your deal wasn't to cover rent for your brother and his family.
"I did tell my parents we were leaving. May first I got another call from my mom. She wanted the rent. I said I wasn't living there any more. She said I was breaking our deal. I said that our deal never included me paying for my brother's living expenses.
She said that they couldn't afford to cover the mortgage without my rent. I told her to get money from my brother. He was still working. She said he was trying to pay his debts. I said that his wife should get a job."
"Long story short she said I was being cheap and viscous to my brother and to my parents."
You aren't being cheap, your brother and parents are.
No_Lavishness_3206
NTA. You would have been if you hadn't given your parents a heads up and just moved out. But you did.
DRHdez
NTA. Tell me who’s the golden child without telling me who’s the golden child. Your brother and his family are taking advantage of everyone. Glad you stood your ground.
Silver_Antelope_
They 'helped' you with lower rent, they're 'helping' your brother with no rent and forcing you to pay his rent, and trying to get it from you even when you're not living there. The 'help' they're providing you and your brother are not equal.
If I'm reading this correctly, they want to use your rent money for your brother to use as a downpayment, so he's getting that for free, while you have to pay rent AND then buy the house, how is that fair? Your brother can pay his debt, and cover the mortgage for now, or they can sell the house and give that money to your brother if they want.
You can enjoy your new home and work on your adoption, you don't have to put your life on hold and sacrifice the time it will take for your brother to get out of this, your mom is being ridiculous to expect you to still pay rent.
You didn't need to specify that when you told her you're moving out, she should have asked you if that is what she expected, though she probably knew the answer would be no.
She's making it sound like a reasonable expectation and that you're an AH for not continuing to pay it without letting her know, which you are not. Tell your mom she should have told you that when you told her you're moving out, you can't cover your mortgage and the rent on their house.