'My best friend’s GF ruined my food. I don’t know how to tell my best friend that I’m pissed.' UPDATED 2X

"My best friend’s GF ruined my food. I don’t know how to tell my best friend that I’m pissed with his GF."

I (35M) am a foodie. I’ve been cooking since I was 10 and I even have a personal cookbook of the recipes I’ve accumulated over the years. I know my recipes to heart so much so that I often don’t need a recipe to cook my dishes. My closest friends and I decided to have dinner and board game night last week to which my best friend Clark (34M) volunteered to host.

He requested me to cook my spicy Italian sausage pasta and said that I could cook my pasta dish at his house. He even joked that he gets to keep any of the leftovers (which was fine by me). I agreed to this arrangement because his kitchen was equipped for me to cook my dish, and I didn’t need to worry about transporting my dish.

I arrived at Clark’s house a few hours early with my ingredients in tow along with board games from my collection (yes, I’m a board gamer too). Clark’s girlfriend of 4 months, Sasha (32F), let me in the house. I asked her where Clark was, and she said he was out doing errands and buying snacks and refreshments for later. I proceeded to the kitchen to prepare the ingredients and start cooking.

My cooking of the sauce went well. The flavors were balanced to my liking. It had saltiness from the pancetta and the parmesan rind, sweetness and tartness from the onions and canned and fresh tomatoes, heat from Calabrian chiles, and herbaceous notes from a blend of fresh and dried herbs. After finishing the sauce, I took it off the heat and prepared a pot of water for the pasta.

I then set the pot of water over the stove but put it over low heat. I planned to freshen up a little and cook the pasta nearer the serving time. I then went to the guest bathroom to shower and change clothes. After freshening up, I headed back to the kitchen. On my way back, I asked Sasha, who was in the living room, where Clark was.

She said that he was on his way and would be back in 20 minutes. She then told me this: “Oh, by the way, I tasted your tomato sauce, and it lacks salt. I saw this video and the chef said that the sauce should be as salty as the sea. Don’t worry, I’ve already fixed your sauce. You’re welcome.” I thought she was kidding so I just responded with: “Thanks, I guess.” I was also worried if she oversalted my sauce.

I quickly made my way back to the kitchen to taste my sauce, to my horror my complex, balanced sauce was now as salty as the Dead Sea. I was fuming because my sauce was ruined by, in Gordon Ramsay’s words, an “Idiot Sandwich." She definitely misheard the advice from the video because you’re supposed to have the PASTA WATER as salty as the sea, not the sauce.

I wanted to scold Sasha for ruining my sauce, but I had to fix my sauce first because my friends were bound to arrive in less than an hour. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or the ingredients to make a new sauce. I added a mix of lemon juice and honey, a can of crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, and splashes of water. I minimized the saltiness of the sauce, but the sauce was still off.

I was thinking of no longer serving my dish, but my friends were excited about my food, and I didn’t want to waste food. I just hoped no one would notice how bad the sauce was. My friends arrived, we all sat at the dinner table, and we all got a portion of each dish. While we were eating, I noticed my friends were pushing my pasta to the sides of their plates.

Once everyone was ready for dessert, I offered to help Lexi prepare and serve the desserts (Lexi is also a foodie but she’s a baker and she’s excellent at making pastries and desserts). When Lexi and I were alone in the kitchen, she asked me why my pasta was so salty. That’s when I told her everything.

I then told Lexi that I’d let it go for the meantime, and we should just enjoy the rest of the night. I was doing so well to not show I was bothered but then Clark, along with Sasha, approached me and said my pasta dish was saltier than he remembered. I wanted to say that his GF ruined my dish, but I decided to allow her to own up for her mistake.

So, I told him that I had no idea what went wrong. I mentioned that I properly salted my food, tasted the sauce as I went along, and made it a point to say my pasta water was “sea water salty” but that has never affected the saltiness of my pasta dishes. When I said the pasta water thing, I made sure to look at Sasha.

She did not say anything. I just ended the conversation by saying I sometimes have my “off” days. The rest of the night went well, I even won some of the games, which kind of lifted my spirits from the pasta debacle. Before I left Clark's house, I asked him if he was keeping the leftovers. He said he was taking half, so I offered to take home the other half.

It’s been a week since the pasta incident and I still feel disrespected by what Sasha did. I want to tell my best friend that his GF f--ked up my dish but I don't wanna make a big issue over pasta sauce. How would you go about this?

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

EDIT/UPDATE: I've been reading everyone's comments and I would like to thank everyone for their advice. I generally feel uncomfortable with confrontations which is why I let it slide and even took the blame. But now I realize that I should stand up for myself more, be more proud of the work I do and I shouldn't be concerned about sparing Sasha's feelings because, in the first place, she disrespected me.

I have to put her in her place. Some of you thought that she either hated me or was jealous of me. I have no idea if she does. In the 4 months, Clark and her have been dating, I've only met her twice or thrice and we didn't even interact much.

I'm now even more compelled to tell Clark about what she did because if she's able to disrespect the boundaries of a stranger to her, who knows what boundaries she'll cross with a romantic partner? I've messaged Clark to meet up (without Sasha) for lunch tomorrow, and he agreed. I'll probably update everyone after my lunch with Clark.

The internet quickly weighed in.

[deleted] wrote:

"Your GF emptied the salt container in the sauce after I finished it. I tried to fix it, but ... well, you tasted the result."

Mashman wrote:

I'd have told the truth as soon as it came up. I'd also have told Sasha I didn't appreciate her "help."

Anoncommenterfourlife wrote:

You should NOT have protected her, especially in the conversation with Clark. YOU SHOULD HAVE OUTED HER IDIOCY RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Why didn't you? That's not "being polite" -- that's "being a doormat". Stop that. Find your spine and stand up for yourself. Now everyone thinks YOU screwed up instead of the real fact that his idiot girlfriend ruined it.

doopdoopdop wrote:

I am now very angry with OP for not saying anything when the issue came up than I am with Sasha for staying quiet. 😤

The next day OP shared another update.

I met with Clark for lunch to tell him about last week’s board game night. I told him that Sasha oversalted my sauce because of a video she saw, and I tried my best to fix it but failed. I also allowed her to fess up, but she stayed silent.

I apologized for lying to him by taking the blame for her mistake because I was afraid of confrontation, and I didn’t want the rest of the game night to be ruined by throwing her under the bus. I was afraid that he wouldn’t believe me and that I was deflecting the blame back to Sasha, instead, he said, “That makes much more sense.” He then told me more about Sasha.

When he met Sasha, she was trying to make lifestyle content. Currently, she wants to make cooking videos but the videos she watched for inspiration were cooking “hacks” where people were dumping dried pasta, raw meat, tons of cheese, etc. in a baking dish and then throwing it in the oven to “cook.”

She even saw the countertop spaghetti video which she wanted to make for Clark’s dad and sister when they were over at his house during the holidays. He refused to let her do that. Before we finished our meal, I told Clark to talk to his GF and I expect an apology from her and for her to also apologize to the rest of our friends for ruining last week's dinner.

He asked me if I wanted to go to his place to get an apology now because Sasha was there. I declined because it would feel like we were forcing an apology from her by surprising her. After a few hours, I got a call from Clark. They got into a huge fight, and they broke up. When he asked her to apologize, she refused and threw a fit.

She was so annoyed that Clark would rave about me and Lexi’s food but never did the same when she cooked for him. He said that he always thanked and appreciated her efforts but sometimes her cooking didn’t go well (she served him raw chicken twice).

In her rant, she said that her “fixing” the sauce was her way of saying that she was better than me but when her plan backfired, she kept quiet and let me take the blame (and I dumbly fell on that sword). (Some of you in the comments from the previous post were right.)

But what got Clark to break up with her was when she called Clark and our friend group, “a bunch of useless losers.” He, in turn, defended us by saying that we were the most reliable supportive group of friends he’s ever had (we helped him get through his mom’s terminal cancer diagnosis and passing).

He told her to get out and they were over. Clark assured me he’d be okay, and he needed some space. I told him to call if he needed anything. It seems I won’t be getting my apology but that’s what I get for not speaking up. Lesson learned. At least we won’t have Sasha for our next game night which I’ll host.

The internet was invested in the update.

Glad-chemist-9394 wrote:

I'm glad you told your friend the truth, and she ended up exposing herself as a red flag! Hope your turn hosting game night goes well!

Beneficial_Noise_691 wrote:

And that OP is why you need to stand up for yourself and not expect other people to do it for you. Well done, Clark suspected already, this is definitely crazy that came from her and you have cut toxic s--t out of your friend group. Decent adulting, if there is a next time, call out the BS earlier.

Awkward-Tourist979 wrote:

Those cooking videos where the people dump everything into a pan and let it cook are utterly disgusting. I’ve seen one where they dump store pasta, water, raw mince into a baking dish and then add way too much salt before covering the entire thing with velveeta cheese. They are utterly disgusting.