'My BF is getting is getting close to my sister-in-law. They've been meeting in secret.' UPDATED 3X

Huge lies come to the surface eventually, it's just a matter of when.

"My BF is getting is getting close to my sister-in-law."

I (F23) and my BF (M26) have been together for about 4 years. Last year, my brother got married. My boyfriend was my plus one when we went there, and we all got along well. However, about three months ago, I’ve noticed some suspicious behavior. My boyfriend started being more busy than usual.

At first, I didn’t assume anything, but one of my coworkers who is also really close to my sister-in-law, said that she saw her at a bar with my boyfriend. They weren’t doing anything except drinking, so I didn’t really assume much. I asked him about it the next day, and he was pretty nonchalant. Since he didn’t get defensive, I assumed that meant there was nothing more to it, and he had nothing to hide.

However, last night when I was with my boyfriend, he received a text. I’m not a nosy person, so I wasn’t purposely trying to snoop. He was in the bathroom showering, and I just looked at his phone screen to see who it was, and I saw my sister-in-law‘s name. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was a bit suspicious, so I ended up checking his messages.

Apparently, they’ve been having conversations for about about 4 months. It’s nothing explicit, but it’s more than just small talk. And based on the conversation, they’ve had a few meet ups at the bar. I haven’t confronted him yet. I want to, but I’m worried that it will make things really awkward. It’s just, both my relationship and my brother’s relationship is now on the line.

To me, this behavior is very unusual, because why would my boyfriend be so close to my sister-in-law? I’m really heartbroken because I love my boyfriend, and my brother loves his wife. I don’t know how I should proceed. Do I confront him? Do I just leave it alone? Please help, I don’t wanna make things worse by jumping to conclusions.

People jumped on with their two cents.

Czartec wrote:

This is an extremely sus relationship and the way you describe their texts is like the initial talking stages before dating someone. The first question you should be asking him is why is he secretly meeting up with a woman at a bar? Because it was secretly. Otherwise he would have told you.

malibumoodyy wrote:

Maybe I’m just the jealous type, but this is weird to me. If I was hanging out with anyone even semi-regularly, my BF would know about it. Not just because I tell him, because it would probably come up. Also my BF dislikes my brother’s long term partner/basically wife, plus they have nothing in common. My BF and her have only ever cared to have surface-level convos with each other.

I feel like even if we went to their wedding, my BF would never choose to hang out with my brother’s s/o alone. Tbh if he did, and didn’t tell me about it, I would think that one of them had ulterior motives. Idk how much you and your BF communicate about who you talk to and hang out with but I do think that should be an open conversation between y’all.

I don’t think you should be surprised by anyone he’s hanging out with, it should all be out in the open. Imo.

OP responded:

I really appreciate your thorough response. Thank you! We’ve never had communication problems before, and both of us have groups of friends we hang out with outside of each other. As far as our friends go, to my knowledge, we know each other’s friend groups, pretty well.

That’s why I guess I got a bit suspicious in this case, because usually he would be more open about it. But I thought since it’s my family, maybe he also viewed it as just talking to an -almost?- family member of his.

I think you’re right. I will confront him.

I’m just worried about coming across too strong, because after my parents got divorced, I’ve always been worried about losing my own relationship. I don’t want him to think I’m clingy. But I’m starting to become jealous. And that was my other question, is it normal for in-laws to be close to another’s partner? I’ve just never really heard of that before. But maybe it’s case by case.

malibumoodyy responded:

Of course! And that makes sense you would think of it that way (he’s just hanging out with an almost-family-member) and that would be fine—He would not be wrong to do that. However, the iffy part (to me) is that he basically withheld that he’s been seeing and talking to this woman all the time. If there really isn’t anything to hide then yes, why not be more open?

If there isn’t anything to hide, then why is he acting like he has something to hide? He should be candid at the very least to ease your anxiety/worries. Idk about other people but in my case, no, partners don’t separately hang out with their partner’s in laws.

I also come from divorced parents. I know the struggle of constantly feeling like your relationship could end, at any minute, regardless of how far you and your partner have come. But I promise even if we have to work harder at it, we both deserve loving trusting relationships with longevity. 🩷

My advice would be to come from a conversational place rather than a confrontational one. Have a discussion not a fight. It will be ok. I know your brain is probably on a hamster wheel right now. Just keep your cool, keep it cute. 💕

OP responded:

You’ve been so helpful and have eased some of my stress. I’m sorry about your own struggles, it really can have a long-term impact on how one views relationships. I hope you’ve been able to heal from that, and see love in a new light 🩷

I agree, I think I need to step back and approach this with a cool head… and try and work through this with open communication and good judgment. I will be open minded and view it as a conversation, not a fight. Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

Not long after posting, OP shared a small update.

Edit: Thank you all so much for the advice so far. I haven’t seen all the responses yet, but I will get to them eventually. As of now, I’ve already texted my brother. I gave him a limited summary, and told him I’d rather talk about it in person.

He gets off of work soon, and his wife works from home. He’s going to try to see if there’s any information he can collect before he and I talk about this today. I will update when I know more.

A few hours later, she jumped on with a follow-up update.

A lot of people wanted to be updated. So I decided to make a new post so the notification would go through. My brother got home from work (his wife works at home) and he was able to grab her phone while she was in a meeting. Her texts were the same that I saw on my boyfriend’s phone, but her Snapchat revealed a bit more.

Apparently they’ve been sending explicit content to each other, videos and pictures. It gets worse. Much worse. My sister-in-law has a pornhub account where she makes private NSFW which my brother found through her search history (he had no idea). I guess her income was going to her separate bank account (they have 2 separate and 1 joint).

That’s not even the shocker. It’s that one video posted two weeks ago has her doing it with a guy (they are wearing masks so it’s anonymous, but I recognize who it is because, ya know, I’ve slept with my BF before). This was during her “business trip” and one of the nights my BF was “busy”. So yeah. It’s official, they’ve done it.

My brother told my sister-in-law he had to run an errand, but he’s actually meeting with me at the moment. I knew the text messages probably hinted at something going on, but I had no idea it would go this far. I’m honestly in shock. Not only that they did it together, but that it was posted on a website for other people to see.

Neither of our partners know that we know yet. My brother is planning on talking to his wife tonight and wants to divorce. I will be breaking up with my boyfriend as well (tonight).

Of course, before any final decision is made, both of us will make sure to talk this out with our partners separately. But given all of what we’ve seen, it’s most likely both of our relationships are over for good. I know people look down on snooping on people’s phones. But after all the advice given, and the reasonable suspicion, I really don’t even care anymore.

I’m glad that we found out, and I have no shame in my suspicions anymore. Thank you all again for the support, and for the advice given. If it weren’t for your insight and those who recommended this plan, we probably would’ve never known. Or at least, not know to the extent this was going on. So thank you.

The internet had a lot to say.

[deleted] wrote:

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You and your brother both. Neither of you deserve this.

OP responded:

I deeply appreciate your words. I’m beyond mad but everyone on here has made it bearable. I’m glad we know now.

Stacy3536 wrote:

Thanks for the update. Make sure your brother has screenshots from her phone for the divorce lawyer. Once he confronts her she will delete everything.

OP responded:

Sorry I should have included this info: he sent the evidence to his own phone by taking screenshots. So, she’ll definitely see that screenshots were taken on her Snapchat. My bf will see that too. But at least he has the proof before they delete it.

WinterFront1431 wrote:

Omg I'm so sorry...don't let either of them pass it off as a drunken mistake. Tell brother to send everything to an email she doesn't have access to in case she grabs his phone during the confrontation. Absolutely disgusting, neither of you been nice about it, tell them you know and have seen everything and to pack up thier s**t and get out your lives.

I'm petty as f**k, so before confronting him with the truth I'd go home and be like "omg you'll never guess what, (brother name) called me and said he been to the doctor's and has herpes, which can only mean (SIL name) has been sleeping around." Watch him have a mini panic attack..but I'm petty like that lol. But in all seriousness I'm so so sorry OP.

OP responded:

That’s not petty at all. It’d be highly justified. But I’m too visibly angry so I don’t think I could pull that off. I might just throw out his stuff when I get home tonight.

Gee_thats_weird123 wrote:

What was the point of even getting married to your brother if she was going to actively cheat on him and make adult content?!

And for your boyfriend to cheat on you is down right disgusting, but to do it with your SIL?!

Why bother even confronting your boyfriend? If you live together and the place is in your name, I’d just throw all his stuff out on the curb and change the locks. Trust me, he will know why you did what you did. The whole confrontation thing is bogus when there is hard evidence— all he will do is cry, lie, and gaslight. No one has time for that drama. You and your brother deserve so much better!

OP responded:

Honestly, the only thing I can think of is money maybe (my brother is a cardiologist and also the owner of their home). She had some on and off financial trouble in the past. So she’s a straight up gold digger I guess. It actually (my home) is in my name (he moved in with me a year ago). So I might do that when I get home tonight. I don’t even wanna be around him anymore.

The next day, OP shared another update.

I arrived back home last night, and my BF was still out (was a closer for the store he works at that night). Since it’s my house and not his, I took all his stuff and left it out on the curb. I already bought new locks and will be installing them asap. I also made sure to have a friend with me, she ca.me over last night once I got back. Once he arrived home, he was really confused.

He called like 5 or 6 times when I didn’t open the door, and I finally answered and said “I know what you did, and you know what you did, get the f*ck off my property.” He didn’t leave. He tried to find my two spare keys which I thankfully moved and he then yelled a variety of lovely things including how he’s the best thing I’ve ever had and I can’t afford to lose him insert eye roll.

He started getting hysterical, kicking at the door and crying about how he had nowhere to go. He has no family here and most of his friends are married with kids. My friend said to call the c*ps, but I was hesitant, not wanting to escalate the situation. Until he bashed my car’s door in with the one of his golf clubs (one of his things I threw out on the curb).

So, I called the c*ps and they arrested him for property damage and trespassing. I haven’t been contacted on the extent of the charges since that’s under processing, but if it’s under $1000 I believe it’s a misdemeanor (up to 6 months in jail), and he also resisted arrest which can be up to another 6 months plus a fine in my state….Nevada.

And there might be more fines depending on the damage, situation, etc. Thats my story right now. I’m just waiting to hear back so I can get my car paid for. I didn’t even recognize this dude. I’ve never seen him this way, but it makes me thankful all this happened, because now I know his true colors. I’ve known him for 4 years, but I never really know him at all.

In Nevada, you cannot throw out a spouse even if it’s solely your name on the deed. So sadly, my brother cannot kick out my sister-in-law yet. But, my brother does have a prenuptial property agreement regarding his home, so that will be distributed to him once this is taken care of. As well as his bank account and other assets he has a prenup for.

He didn’t want to wait to tell her, and I honestly don’t blame him. He didn’t tell her last night though, he wanted to call a lawyer first. So he just slept on the couch much to her confusion. He told her this morning (after he contacted a reputable lawyer). He did this by asking if she saw the news last night and that it was unbelievable, then proceeded to play that s*x video on his TV.

He also sent that video to our entire family group chat (which consists of over 20 people). While I wasn’t there to watch her reaction, my brother told me she ended up throwing a tantrum and probably won’t be willing to file a joint petition. So yeah, she told him it was a drunk mistake and that he (my brother) isn’t serious about this.

But my brother can file for a default divorce if she refuses to sign the divorce papers. Which he made sure to tell her. I did get to see the gc reactions and let’s just say there were a lot of choice words said and her parents are absolutely horrified (they really like my brother). So far, no one is taking her side and they fully support my brother’s decision.

So yeah. Sorry this is so convoluted and long, but it’s hard to organize my thoughts. Summary: bf got arr*sted and will be out of my life for good (I hope). And my brother is in the process of divorce (having both sides of the family supporting him and his assets are protected).

The internet was equal parts shocked and supportive.

Willsir wrote:

Holy crap. Good luck to you and your brother moving forward from this crazy situation.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 wrote:

Well I guess your BF has somewhere to stay for the next 6 months now he's off to j*il. That was kind of you to solve that problem for him.

mmarie5 wrote:

It was sooo lucky your coworker saw them together at the bar. It’s only up from here.

OP responded:

I’m so thankful for her. She’s the real hero to me right now.

And true. It will take time but you’re right 100%.

accj30 wrote:

A dr*nk mistake that was filmed and posted on p*rnhub. The worst excuse she could come up with. They are two pieces of trash that deserve each other, OP and the brother dogged a bullet.

OP responded:

Honestly, she couldn’t conjure up anything besides essentially saying “oops”. She thought my brother wasn’t serious, until she realized he already spoke with an attorney and is starting the process. He’s pretty much her financial provider and also the legal owner of the big stuff, so she’ll have nothing of value left really.

Actual-Offer-127 wrote:

Why doesn't he go hit up sil for a place to stay and take his sob story with him. I hope all his stuff gets picked up by dump drivers 🤣 Him getting arr*sted and not having a place to store his stuff is just the icing on the cake. I truly feel for your brother. Here's hoping that since they weren't married long she doesn't get too much from him.

OP responded:

I honestly was thinking that. They should definitely room together, birds flocking together and all. I can’t believe it got to this point (my poor neighbors heard all his ruckus) but him getting publicly humiliated and held accountable was wonderful.

Edit: I hope so too. As of now, most of my brother’s assets/income should be distributed to him. And the lawyer he contacted is really good at what he does.

PurpleGimp wrote:

Ooooooh boy, Nevada is not a state you want to be in if you have to serve jail time. This guy is an absolute moron to resist arrest after he was stupid enough to damage your vehicle while you're watching him. But then again he was dumb enough to upload video of him doing the deed with your sister in law on P#rnhub, so clearly he's not joining MENSA anytime soon. 😭😆😭

I hope you'll consider taking a really nice vacation with your brother, so the two of you can get your mind off of all the crazy for a little while. My ex hid a whole a*s wife from me, and I ate dinner at his house all of the time, and even knew his mom really well. My boss knew, his boss knew, and all of our friends at work knew. Some people are just broken, and absolutely suck at being human.

The good news is not everyone is a sucking black hole of toxicity, so just know that there are better days, and better people, ahead in the future for both of you.

🥂

OP responded:

I’m planning on taking some time off next week. Hope my brother does something similar for his mental health. Oh my gosh. Are you doing okay now? That must’ve been such a lonely and painful time for you, and since the last few days, I now understand that type of hurt. Thank you so much, and I hope you are at least a little healed since then ❤️

Huge yikes all around, but it sounds like OP's got a good head on her shoulders even while dealing with this fresh hell.