'My BF broke up with me after I called his girl best friend fat and accused them of cheating.'

Most stories have more layers going on than meets the eye.

"My boyfriend broke up with me over his girl best friend"

I think I just ruined my best relationship yet and I wanna fix it so bad. But everyone tells me to either own up or let it go. Even if it's harsh please tell me and help me. I (20f) have been seeing this guy Robin (21) for 6 months now. He is the kindest and sweetest man I have ever met. He isn't overprotective, manipulative or anything. He is constantly honest and expresses his issues in a healthy way.

All my exes have either ab*sed me or cheated on me and he didn't even yell at me. Anytime he gets angry, he tells me he will be back in 30 minutes, sends me his location and just drives around until he calmed down again.

"I never want to raise my voice against any woman."

He is a dream guy. He is funny and sweet. I had 3 boyfriends in which two of them cheated on me with their "girl best friend." So when Robin told me he wants me to meet his girl best friend, I was scared. He knew of my past and promised me there isn't anything between them. She even helped him set up the dating profile we met through. When I met her, I felt superior to her somehow.

All the girls where prettier then me. She was a bit overweight, a double chin and she has the thickest eyebrows I have ever seen. But there was one thing she had that I didn't which was a bigger chest. We didn't meet up with her alone, but their entire friend group. Five guys, my boyfriend, me and his girl best friend. She was nice to me the entire time.

Sitting next to me, helping me with inside jokes and even talking to me when Robin got busy. I started feeling bad about how I called her ugly in my head. We started meeting up regularly and again three days ago at Robin's flat. When I arrived a hour later after everyone else, I realized how close my boyfriend got to her in the middle of the night, and she had tears in her eyes, with messier hair.

My entire body just filled with panic. They have been texting more and he doesn't want me to see their messages anymore. Now this? I freaked out and accused him on cheating me in front of his entire friendgroup. All his guy friends just stared in anger and resentment at me and tried to help girl best friend get out of the room. Her legs were shivering and her eyes were still red from crying.

I called her every name in the book and insulted every part of her body. Robin told me to quit it and I told him I can't believe he chose "fatty" over me. I know. I know it was horrible. I regret it. Especially after finding out she had opened up to the group that she was s#xually ass#ulted last week. I feel disgusting. My boyfriend kicked me out of his apartment that night and told me it's over.

I have to go over to his house on Monday to pick up my things. I really do want to fix it but I don't know how. Is there even a way to fix it?? Our relationship was perfect before this and I don't want this one incident to destroy our relationship. Please help.

TL;DR : I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. I accused him on cheating on me with his girl best friend when she actually opened up to him about something horrible that happened to her. He broke up with me because of it and I wanna fix it.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

kheperu1367 wrote:

You can explain to him what happened and what you were thinking. It would actually be a good idea, so that it can be explained to GBF. But there is no saving your relationship. Be honest with yourself and ask if you would take back a guy who did the same thing to you and your friends.

OP responded:

I did try it. I told him that I'm sorry and that I misread the room and everything. He said that if the first thing that comes to my mind when his GBF is crying that it had to do with cheating, is ridiculous and he doesn't want that stuff around him.

I tried to talk to her but she said she doesn't wanna see or hear about me again. It's all just a miscommunication I wanna fix but nobody wants to listen to me. I love him so much and don't want this to be the way jt ends

ProfPlumDidIt wrote:

What you want doesn't matter at this point. The fact he dumped you proves that he is every bit the great guy you've believed him to be while your actions showed him that you aren't the mentally stable person he thought you were. At this point being with you would cost him his entire friend group because none of them will ever forgive you and wouldn't forgive him for staying with someone like you.

It's also likely he's disgusted by even the thought of you right now after the harm you caused. Accept that he's done with you because pushing will only make you look even more psycho and make him even more sure he doesn't want you in his life.

OP responded:

I would block and cut off any friendship for this relationship. He always says it doesn't matter what friends think so why should he dump me for his friends?? He can always find better ones but our relationship was perfect, I know he agrees with me and loves me still.

Why is everyone telling me I'm the bad guy, I made a mistake yes but I am not an AH psychic b#$ch. I have been through so much, of course I react in a bad way.

[deleted] wrote:

I think this is one of those things where you learn from your actions. He probably won’t get back with you. If he’s the man you’ve been describing as respectful, he likely has too much respect for himself and his friends to consider you. Also, I don’t think you’ve learned or really feel bad. You only feel bad for your actions because you lost your boyfriend. All you’re worried about is getting him back.

What you need to focus on isn’t what you can get out of it, just own up and apologize. Don’t beg for him back, don’t trauma dump your past to try and ‘explain’. Go to both of them, say you f#$ked up and are truly sorry, and then leave them be. That poor girl won’t recover from that for YEARS. You’re disgusting and only care about what you want. Least you can do is apologize and leave them the hell alone.

OP responded:

I tried to apologize but they don't want to hear it. I barely know the GBF and she doesn't want me around her anymore. She claims I traumatized her and thought we were friends when we really were just acquaintances. I feel bad but I can't fix my relationship with her but I was close to my boyfriend and I don't want to let him go. Of course I want him back, he is my true love.

OP continued to defend herself in another comment.

I agree, what I told her was horrible and cruel but she isn't some innocent person. I don't care how downvoted I am gonna get, I don't even think the SA was as bad she makes it. Every girl gets grabbed sometimes but someone with her looks and body? Maybe a slight grab that's it. She refuses to tell me how bad it is so I don't even think it was that bad.

In that moment I didn't care how nice she was to me but that she is kissing my boyfriend. I was wrong and I tried to Apologize but she won't hear it. She even threatened to cut my boyfriend out of her life if I contact her through him - that's borderline ab#sive and controlling.

The next day, OP shared an update.

I know many people don't want me to be here but after getting like 40 DMs of people asking for an update or telling me to kms I thought I make it quick. So I am now living with my brother and his wife for a while. I share a flat with one of my cousins and she doesn't mind me not living there since I will still pay rent.

I talked with a few people in my DMs and even though I said horrible things they helped me a lot. When I was 3 and my brother 12 my mother died from an overdose. Til I was 14 my dad s#xually ab#sed me and said that it was because I'm pretty. My brother moved out when he was 18 since my dad was never emotionally present so when I came to him telling him I'm scared about being pregnant he took care of it.

My dad is still in prison. My boyfriends in the past were like my dad, ab#sive and emotionally not present. So when I met Robin I thought I was finally in heaven. I was and still am jealous of Josephine. She isn't the beauty standard but has a better job, family, more friends and a better sense of humor. She was also there for Robin's depression. When she reached her hand to me, I saw her as a challenge.

Not as a friend. I wanted to show that I did achieve something and that my beauty wasn't useless. Jos was the one who made the friendgroup and introduced everyone to another when they were 6, she was the groupmother but she developed derealization last year and ever since then the group has been doing their best to protect her.

Someone said Jos was maybe a pick me because she was the only girl in a guy group but deleted the comment real quick. She isn't. She is sweet and caring, leave her alone she didn't do s#$t to you. I did. She wasn't the only girl, there was her and another one who sadly k*lled herself 3 years ago. My brother reached out to her for me.

I know she has been looking into therapy but doesn't know where to start so I send her a message on how to get therapy here quick and for free. She read the message and replied with a thank you. She called later and I apologized and wished her well. She doesn't forgive me obviously and I don't blame her but her wishing me a quick recovery made me tear up.

If you wonder why I didn't tell her sooner about the therapy option, I never wanted anyone to know I had therapy because of a pregnancy scare because of my dad at 14. I send my brother to pick up my things from Robin. I waited in the car so if he wanted to talk to me he could but wouldn't have to. He came at the end real quick.

He gave me a hug and wished me well. I asked if we could stay in contact and he said no. Jos doesn't want me around and he respects it, so do I. We follow each other on IG still and I saw that they hung out afterwards. Jos looked happy and this was the first time I saw her face and felt happiness and not jealousy. I called my therapist and will start seeing him regularly again in 3 weeks.

I am not a vile person but I let jealousy and anger get to me and that made me vile. I have a lot of issues I need to fix and I will work on them. I thought I had my BPD and PTSD in control, not at all and I need to fix it. I won't become a POS again towards innocent people. I won't date anytime in the future, for at least two years. I'm going to get my life and personality in control.

Thanks to everyone on reddit for calling me out on my toxic BS and to the kind people who helped me. I didn't talk about my ab*se in years and didn't realize how bad it truly was. My English isn't the best so I hope I was clear with my words. There is a lot on my mind and it's not in English. I will leave this account and log off of it. I will be okay :) Have a good week everyone

TL;DR : I moved to live with my brother for now. I packed my things from my ex-boyfriend's house and will start therapy in three weeks. Explained my trauma quickly but the main part is that I am moving on.

OP soon deleted that post, but shared another update a month later.

Hello OP here! My brother saw the post yesterday and shown it to me. Not gonna lie I didn't want to at first but he told me the comments are worth it. I guess rereading my posts and all I get why people thought this was troll bait LMAO. Also thank you all for the kindness. I genuinely don't deserve it but I appreciate it

Anyway, I saw some comments and I guess I wanted to clear them up.

• I did use fake names, Robin and Josephine aren't the real names. Josephine is the name of the first GBF one of my first boyfriend's cheated on me with. I also know she doesn't read these forums.

• No our arguments before the breakup weren't toxic, he had to drive to calm down. He is an emotional person and rather then starting an argument, he likes to drive and listen to music till he calms down and then we talk it out like adults.

• I never told him about my Dad. Never. He only knew about the cheating. I thought it was embarrassing to have a pregnancy scare from your dad. Nobody in that friend-group knows.

• I don't live in the US. Idk why people thing "free therapy" is bad. It is great. I just didn't pursue it well back then. I am going to my therapist every Monday and Thursday, each day for two hours. My home country is amazing when it comes to free healthcare. I guess the only thing I can say is that my therapist is thinking about changing my medication but he says I show some improvement.

• I saw Jos at my doctor last Friday and we just nodded a hello to each other. When I left the office she also left and she asked me if I meant the things I said to her about her body. I said no and that I was jealous of her. I told her she is gorgeous. She smiled and thanked me.

I didn't talk to Robin or tried to make any contact with their friendgroup since that day. Also our city is small and we only have one doctor for women here, so it's no shock that me and her crossed paths

• My father will be released from prison soon. I am trying my best to get into a program to move to another country to study. I cannot live in the same nation as that man. I wont be naming specific stuff like when, why and stuff because I am scared people can track me with this.

• I am in fact not excusing my actions. But instead of not moving on and constantly letting these errors over me. I can not become a good person. I accept that I f#$ked up and I should never be excused or defended on them. But I should be able to show how I grew from them. The outburst was my fault.

Jos is doing great from what i see on IG, I still follow Robin and he posts regularly. I am living? Going to therapy is rough and I break down in almost every session. Thank you for making this post, the comments under them and rereading the post kinda shown me I did change a bit but not by a lot. I have a long way to go. Au Revoir <3

People had a lot to say in response to the major update.

thatawfulbastard wrote:

From “How to Be A Person” by Shane Koyczan:

“…If you are waiting for forgiveness, be prepared to wait. Be prepared to stand in the path of Time and wither. Respect that forgiveness is difficult, not all trespasses are equal, and not everyone will heal according to your schedule.”

dredreidel wrote:

This post is very demonstrative of how explanations are not excuses. Post 1 demonstrated some absolutely heinous behaviors and thought patterns on the part of OP. But the context in Post 2 puts her actions in a new light. But while OP used her backstory to explain and give context to her actions, she never indicated that her diagnoses/past trauma should negate the consequences of the things she did.

She points out how what she did was awful, that her ex and his GBF have every right to feel as they do. It gives me hope that OP is going to learn and grow.

AshamedDragonfly4453 wrote:

Well put. I'm impressed with OP's self-awareness, to be honest - it can't be easy to have a ton of strangers tell you how awfully you've acted, but she responded with serious reflection (after some understandable initial defensiveness).

I hope that wherever they are, both OP and Josephine have been able to heal.

IncrediblePlatypus wrote:

What a s#$t situation for everyone in it. I'm glad OP is getting help and getting better, same for Josephine.

Trauma sucks.

Matchamagpie wrote:

I'm glad that OP went on her emotional betterment journey by the end of it but this:

"When I met her, I felt superior to her somehow. All the girls where prettier then me. She was a bit overweight, a double chin and she has the thickest eyebrows I have ever seen. But there was one thing she had ghat I didn't which was a bigger chest."

Holy sh*t, this was such a vile and specific inner monologue bashing Josephine's appearance. I'm glad Robin was as great of a guy as OP said he was . He dumped OP and cut her out of his life while standing by Josephine. That's a good friend.

This is a horrible situation for everyone involved, hopefully all parties can move on to some healing.