'My boyfriend of 10 months flipped out when I wouldn't keep my clothes at his place anymore.' MAJOR UPDATE

"My (27f) boyfriend (30m) of 10 months flipped out when I wouldn't keep my clothes at his place anymore."

I'm looking for some advice with my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know where to start and I hope this makes sense. I'm disappointed and hurt by my boyfriend's reaction when I approached him about my concerns. Please know I'm not the petty type nor do I ignore issues or problems. However I make every attempt at being civil and calm when I do air any concerns.

We each have our own place. A few months back my BF suggested I could keep some of my personal belongings at his house. I.e. a toothbrush, spare undies (2pairs) and PJ's (long sleeve and pants).

It made it easier in the sense that I didn't have to pack those items for when I stayed over. I stay over every other weekend. However I've noticed that when I use my PJ's or undies they will stay in the hamper until I sleep over again.

The first time I washed our clothes at his place he said he meant to do them but forgot. I said no problem. But if you don't want to do them it's not a big deal I'll just take my clothes home. He said it wasn't and agreed it's kind of gross to keep clothes around for two weeks unwashed.

Nothing changed after this conversation and this continued for a few more weeks. Except I noticed he wasn't washing his clothes either. Yesterday I became agitated that I was washing both of our dirty clothes every time I'd stay over. My time went from being with him to being with his washer and dryer while he's raiding or gaming with his friends on his PC.

Normally this type of thing wouldn't bother me but it's two weeks worth of his clothing plus the PJ's and undies I wore the last time I was there. I ended up bringing all my clothes home. As soon as he noticed my clothes were missing he flipped out. He accussed me of leaving him (not the case at all).

I waited until he was done yelling and in a soft calm voice explained to him that I didn't want to leave my clothes there anymore because they are always dirty and I wanted to clean them. Furthermore it wasn't fair of him to expect me to wash all of his clothes when I'm there. I told him when I come over is like us to hang out but find it difficult when I'm washing all his clothes.

He went on about having to work all the time (he works 10 hour days 4 days a week) while I only go to school (I'm in a full time post grad program). Then he told me to grow up. He hasn't spoken to me since then. I'm at a loss. I really don't need him to wash my clothes. Having them there was suppose to be convenient. Instead it's frustrating. What is going on?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

[deleted] wrote:

He's mad that you aren't doing his laundry anymore.

dripless_cactus wrote:

You only stay over every other weekend and he uses that time to hang out with other people in gaming? You know, he might have a point. It's time to grow up and start dating a grown up who actually respects you.

Sfielae1000 wrote:

Holy s$#t, the entitlement! I really can't grasp his way of thinking, like he just assumes it's normal his gf does his laundry? You can be sure it'll only get worse if you two were to move in together.

Also, when you have a fixed work schedule and no kids yet, that is imo by far the easiest kind of life in terms of doing household chores (especially with a 3 day long weekend!). When you're studying/doing research, your schedule tends to be a lot more irregular and there's always a deadline.

kakapo999 wrote:

Today the laundry, tomorrow the vacuuming. He works 40 hours a week! You can't expect him to do housework on top of that, not when there's a woman around to do it for him. Yes, sarcasm. Every other working person who lives alone manages to clean their own clothes somehow. Snowflake is not so special he is exempt from the same.

Five days later, OP shared an update.

After a three days of silence I decided to call it quits. I tried texting him but he wouldn't respond. Eventually I called his cell phone and left him a voicemail explaining how deeply hurt I am that he yelled at me and how I feel even worse now that he wouldn't respond to me.

I told him I felt that it was important to me to have open and honest communication between the two of us and since I have no idea where he is or what is happening I assumed that we are over. I told him I wished him the best and I hope he could find some happiness and ended the call.

Three minutes later my phone rings. It's him. I pick up and he starts bawling about how sorry he is and how he didn't want things to go that far. How all he wanted was to be able to play his games in peace but realized he also wanted me. He asked me to take him back. I told him that he lost my trust and hurt me over a trival thing. I told him I need time to think about what I want.

He hung up. So its over. Officially. Part of me is really sad but I know I'll get over it. Right now I just want to focus on me and when I do find someone they will know how to do there laundry.

TL;DR: No longer together but I'm just going to focus on my program.

The internet was glad to hear the update.

TheRealJai wrote:

He is a sh#$ty s#$thead from lazy city. He wants you to pickup after him, and is just awful at communication. I am sorry it hurts, but you will be happier in the long run. Be glad you didn't waste more time on someone who doesn't deserve you.

Kateraide wrote:

Wow, what a twat.

He refuses to answer your text and calls.

Finally decided that you are worth talking to when you break up with him.

Was too busy playing video games to talk to you like an adult.

Gets mad when you call him on his BS.

Yea, you are better off without this manchild in your life. Best of luck to you. :)

slinky999 wrote:

You did the right thing. Don't second-guess yourself. Someone this explosive, passive-aggressive and controlling is a poor prospect for a long-term relationship. Good for you for seeing the signs and getting out.

Ryocchi wrote:

I work 5 days a week 12 hours. This is not an excuse, and oh my god, I'm a gamer also, but I wouldn't let my partner wash my clothes when he comes over, if I want to play I choose one night of playing exclusively and another night of giving my full attention to him.

If there's an event coming or I have a new game I discuss this before and have the full two days to play but next week is all for him. Balance is a skill you learn as you mature, which clearly your ex hasn't mastered yet.