'My boyfriend is going on a bachelorette trip with a bunch of women.' UPDATED 2X

If you feel suspicious, it's best to follow that feeling, if nothing else -- to discover you've been overreacting and move on.

"Boyfriend is going on a bachelorette trip with all females."

So. My boyfriend has a female best friend. She recently asked him to be in her wedding as the “man of honor”. She also has a maid of honor. One of my best friends is also male. Both of us of are okay with having friends of the opposite s$x. But I don’t text my male friend daily and talk to him all day. We check in on occasion, hang out on occasion and I typically always try to include my bf in the hang outs.

My boyfriend goes out to drinks with his female friend(s)and never invites me. Now, he’s invited on a bachelorette trip. Weekend get away with a house full of females and drinking. This makes me extremely uncomfortable and I’ve mentioned that. Not to mention, I’ve never ever had any romantic feelings towards my male friend. He admitted to having feelings for his friend in the past.

He brushes it off and acts like I’m over reacting. If I went on a bachelor trip with a bunch of guys for a weekend, pretty sure he wouldn’t be cool with it at all. EDIT: Ladies AND Gentlemen!!! By all means, I appreciate both takes. Am I just being insecure or would you not be okay with this either?

People were quick to share their thoughts with OP.

[deleted] wrote:

I'm truly sorry to be this blunt, if he wants to cheat he will, regardless of what you allow him to do, I hope he doesn't but limiting him doesn't change s#$t.

OP responded:

You’re right. And I’m not trying to limit anything. They just say you should trust your gut and something doesn’t seem right. Again, could very much be overreacting over here.

anonymous000 wrote:

Are you friends with the bride/best friend? If not, why is that? This is pertinent information honestly.

OP responded:

No. Because I’m not ever invited or included in anything they do. I don’t get the chance to get to know her. Meanwhile, I’m constantly inviting him to hang out with me and my male friends to make him more comfortable.

OP (separate comment regarding same question):

Absolutely. And I’ve mentioned that it bothers me that I’m constantly including him and he never invites me. I’ve mentioned I’d like to go out and get to know them. Still have yet to be invited to anything. I know this sounds so whiny, but I just feel like I’d want the person i love to get to know other people i love.

[deleted] wrote:

As someone who lives with their partner, I can understand wanting to hang out with your friends without them. We’re around each other constantly and it’s nice to have time with friends alone. That being said, if my partner literally NEVER invited me out with their friends that’d definitely hurt.

OP responded:

Right and I’m very much the same way. I want my own space, have my own life and friends. In no way am I trying to take that from him. But the fact that I am never included is starting to take its toll.

[deleted] wrote:

Something I've not seen in your post, and is very critical, How long have you and your partner been seeing each other?

OP responded:

Going on 2 years.

anoncommenter wrote:

Do you mean to say you've NEVER met this friend? Or you're just generally not included in their time together?

OP responded:

Met once. But it was an event a lot of people were going to and I’m sure our interaction couldn’t have been avoided on this occasion. But no, he hangs out with her alone every time and never invited me. I have brought this to his attention. It was also initially coming from a place of genuinely wanting to get to know his friends. He acknowledged what I said and agreed but has done nothing to change it.

anoncommenter wrote:

Why can’t you join them?

OP responded:

Not sure. I’m not part of their friend group or part of the wedding. So i get it. I’m not expecting to be invited or for her to be my bff either. However, if he really is her best friend, I’d think she would want to get to know his girlfriend. And if he’s as serious about me as he claims, I’d also think he’d want to make an active effort for me to get to know her. Simply because we are people in his life that he cares about.

throwawayanon wrote:

How does the friend’s fiancé feel about your bf being there? (Does he even know???) I can’t imagine he’s cool having the guy that used to have feelings for his fiancé being drunk with her at an event that is supposed to be the “last hoo-raw before being tied to one person forever.”

OP responded:

I’m wondering the same!! This isn’t very nice but- Her fiance sounds like a dud. Pretty sure he barely works, while she foots all of his bills. Sounds like she just wants a husband in order to have a child. Not sure if he does care honestly. Think he’s got it made.

throwawayanon responded:

Ah so he is one of THOSE then. Would you describe your boyfriend as the opposite of the bride's fiance?

OP responded:

Personality wise, they could not be more different. Ambition wise, they’re probably about the same. Also probably something I need to start questioning.

[deleted] wrote:

Don’t listen to people saying you are controlling him. F#$k that, this is totally disrespectful to you and by all appearances he doesn’t care that you are hurt. You aren’t allowed to hang out with him and these women, there is a reason(s) for it. Why are you wasting your energy on someone who doesn’t give a shit about your feelings?

OP responded:

Wondering that myself. Just posting because I was curious if anyone out there has had a similar experience while being in a long term relationship, where both parties have friends of the opposite sex

[deleted] responded:

I'm saying your boyfriend hasn't given you any reason to trust him on that trip and you shouldn't.

OP responded:

The first fight we got in, he immediately had a girl over. Told me that he thought we were broken up. He’s constantly asking me “who are you texting” and wanting to look at my messages. I don’t do this to him. I’ve never entertained another guy.

I’d never be so quick as to invite someone else over immediately upon fighting. (Granted this happened a year ago) but I’m human and i cannot help that a slight distrust has formed based on his actions.

[deleted] responded:

I would start questioning the relationship. NTA.

OP responded:

Unfortunately I am very much questioning everything now. Thank you.

The next day, OP shared a short update.

UPDATE- the battery was dead in his vehicle when he tried to leave yesterday. Then he got a flat tire right before he got home. Karma got him for something...okay, I know this isn’t the update you want but it’s hilarious. And yes, I’m an AH for saying that. Will try to actually update soon.

Twelve days later, she shared another update.

UPDATE- we got a chance to talk in depth. He actually made me feel really good about everything. Calmed my fears. Told me he actually got drunk and cried to all of the girls about how much he loved me, etc. bought me a cute little shirt. all good right?

PLOT TWIST- I find out a day later that the bride’s fiancé showed up unannounced to the cabin. There was no bachelorette trip. It was literally just the two of them. Needless to say, I’m single. No idea if the wedding is still on. I’ve blocked everyone. My ex bf was supposed to BE IN the wedding. So wtf. What the actual f y’all.

Sounds like his life is currently imploding though, so I’m just gonna let karma keep sorting this out. Think he lost his job because he couldn’t show up due to his truck issues annnnd is probably going to have to move in with his mom. (We had initially been talking about him moving in with me. Whew) And this is all in the last week. Amen.

The internet was deeply invested in this wild outcome.

matchamagpie wrote:

I don't get people like this. Why didn't OP's ex and his best friend just get together instead of involving two innocent unrelated parties into their f#$ked up rom com romance??

LoisLaneEI wrote:

Because they probably aren’t compatible, just have good s#x.

crystallz2000 wrote:

I think everyone is so scared to say they aren't okay with a friend of the opposite s#x that they ignore obvious signs of an affair. Like in this situation. If this man was talking to a guy constantly and meeting up with him without ever allowing the GF to join, those would be red flags.

The fact that it is someone of the opposite sex makes those red flags even bigger.

Glad she got away from him before they moved in together.

Jakyland wrote:

Yeah. I totally agree with the commenter saying "he either will or won't cheat on you, you can't stop that from happening," but also like this is really suspicious. It is not about trying to stop him from cheating, it is about trying to find out if he is cheating.

CatmoCatmo wrote:

"He's constantly asking me "who are you texting" and wanting to look at my messages. I don't do this to him. I've never entertained another guy."

Aaaaaannnnnddddd there it is! That there is some projection if I’ve ever seen it. If she had led with that little tidbit, I think the advice would have been unanimous - he is absolutely, 100%, banging his “friend”, and if not her, then there’s someone else.

She was never invited because there was no actual “hanging out with friends” going on. Those “hang outs” were actually just him and his pal bumpin uglies.

What I don’t get is, why in the world wouldn’t OP’s ex and his “friend” just be together? It doesn’t sound like she’s with her fiancé for money, or for any reason really - other than wanting a kid and needing to be married first. So why not have the man you’re actually banging be the man you marry and have a kid with? I don’t get it.

They sound perfect for one another.

Also - apparently the “friend’s” fiancé wasn’t such a doormat after all, huh?! Good for him. Sucks to go through that. But damn did he dodge a huge bullet. AND he unknowingly did OP a massive favor in the process.

This really sucks for OP, but it's good he won't get to waste any more of her time.