'My boyfriend talked me into having a threesome with my best friend and now I’m done.' UPDATED
If you feel something's off in your relationship, it's best to pay attention to that feeling.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman shared the beginning of the end of her relationship. She wrote:
"My boyfriend talked me into having a threesome with my best friend and now I’m done."
I know I’m probably gonna get people yelling at me that I should’ve never agreed to it and that this is my fault but I mean when you have your (18f) boyfriend (23m) pestering and badgering you for months, sometimes you just give in to it. We had the threesome about two weeks ago and I’ve just been…I don't know. I feel so ugly and like I’m not enough. I think I enjoyed it in the moment?
I don’t know but now I’m just done. My best friend is so pretty and just everything I’m not. She’s tall, blonde and athletic. Has the perfect face. I love her she’s amazing. I’m short, black hair and I’m not fat I’m just bustier and have thick thighs. Even when I was underweight, I just looked like a stick with tits and too big of an a*s. I’ve always wanted liposuction or something just to get rid of the excess fat.
But I just keep replaying it in my head. He had so much fun with her and even forgot about me at times. I’m just not enough for him. Now every time he messages me, I don’t get excited. Or when he tries to touch or kiss me I just shrug him off. Whenever he holds me while we’re in bed I just get nauseous.
I really wish I was enough but I just never am cause every man I’m with always wants more. Wants somebody else. I’m just done and needed to vent I’m sorry.
Edit: thank you all for the advice and comforting me. I really appreciate it and honestly needed it. Thank you kind strangers 🫶💕
The internet had a lot to say in response.
AnotherAloe wrote:
Are you and your friend both 18 because this guy sounds real questionable. I mean also, If anyone is badgering you for anything regarding s*x that’s coercion so yeah I’m very happy you are leaving him. You are enough. He’s just taking advantage of the fact that you’re young and maybe he preyed on your insecurities.
OP responded:
My best friend is 21.
AnotherAloe responded:
How long have you known the two of them?
OP responded:
I’ve known my best friend for about 5? Ish years. And I’ve known my bf since I was 17? I think. We only started dating shortly after I turned 18.
yyyyeahno wrote:
Wait why did she agree?
OP responded:
Idk how to explain this but she has a “sex bucket list” and has always wanted to have a threesome. She was iffy at first but I think he convinced her it was okay and nothing would be different or change
Far_Comfort4460 wrote:
You wrote during the threesome your bf was with your bff more than you to the point he excluded you from the threesome, did she do the same? Or did she try to include you? Did you guys talk about how ya felt after the threesome? How is your friendship with her now? Is everything normal with her? Do you feel the dynamics have changed between your bf and bff?
Like their relationship and how they interact with one another has changed as well? Is your bf back to normal? Has he noticed how you have changed and how you feel about the threesome? Communication is key in a relationship and if this keep bugging you its time to move on.
OP responded:
She included me more than he did to the point he got a little frustrated. She was openly trying to involve me and he was just ignoring her. I’ve told her how I’ve felt. She told me she understands why and how she even felt a little weird about it afterwards. Honestly I feel like we’re okay. I mean she’s seen me naked before. I’ve seen her naked.
Like all that’s changed is we’ve now been s*xually intimate but other than that she still feels like the same old friend I’ve had. He’s kind've become more and more infatuated with her I guess. He’s texting her more, asking me to text her from my phone for him to relay messages, talking about her moving in with us, etc. But she’s blocked him and told me she doesn’t feel right with the way he’s behaving.
He’s noticed and all he’s complained about is how I haven’t had sex with him since that night. He asked me if I was jealous and when I said "no" o he said “okay so why won’t you touch me.” So he’s noticed but he’s just more upset I won’t have sex with him. I know communication is important but I just feel kind’ve worried about telling him how I feel. It’s stupid I know.
Alarmed_Lynx_7148 wrote:
Time to be single for a bit and work on yourself. You are only 18. You have enough time to do just that.
No-Mango8923 wrote:
Congratulations in discovering who he really is before you get more committed in the relationship. Badgering you for something you clearly didn't want to do is such a big red flag. He doesn't give a damn about you or your feelings, needs, wants.
He just wanted a legitimate reason to shag your friend. How is it between you and your friend now? You ARE good enough, more than good enough for the right person. He is not that person. Get out now before he destroys your self-worth even further.
Five days later, OP shared an update.
I broke up with him. I found out he had another girlfriend whom he has been dating since 2020. She lives in a different city for college, the same city his sister lives in. So every time he was visiting his sister which was WEEKLY he was visiting his actual girlfriend/fiance. I was basically filling her spot until she graduated lmao. And they are basically engaged.
I’m so hurt and distraught right now. I’m staying with one of my friends. I blocked him on everything and just want to move on. I’m so f#$king upset and hurt right now. I feel so ugly and used. I feel like the worst person in the world for hurting another woman.
You really can’t trust anybody because while he was making me all these promises of marrying me and loving me, he was doing the same to her. I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully trust another s/o after this. Thanks to all the kind commenters. I appreciate you <3
The internet had nothing but support for OP.
Jackamus01 wrote:
Did you tell his other gf?
OP responded:
No because I promised I wouldn’t if he promised not to upload certain videos and pictures to a certain website after he threatened to do so.
WhenDuvzCry wrote:
Do you have the messages where he said this? You need to go to the police then tell her.
OP responded:
I tried going to the police but they told me I needed a lawyer and I can’t afford one
Complete-Buy9999 wrote:
Tell the other girl and report the revenge p*rn threat because it's illegal.
Baryon-Sweep wrote:
What a complete and total POS narc that kid is and then he has the nerve to blackmail her on top of that. The balls on this guy to, no pun intended, pull all that off while also having a fiancée.
OP, you cannot blame yourself whatsoever as this guy manipulated and exploited you and could have done it to the best of us. Welcome to your first and hopefully last experience with a sociopathic narcissist.
ThisAllHurts wrote:
Actual attorney here: Lawyer up, and then call the police. That order. It’ll take you a few hours, tops. Your attorney may want to accompany you to the station or host the reporting officer at their office — let them.
Document everything that has already happened (your attorney may want you to execute an affidavit, which is just your story with a sworn oath. It carries the force of testimony). And keep contemporaneous records going forward. Be safe. And I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this extortionate child.
FabFabiola21 wrote:
Years ago when I had a terrible heartbreak someone much older than me told me "this too shall pass," and I can attest that it will pass, but in the meantime be kind to yourself.... cry.... and then walk or run your anger away. Broken hearts are very painful, but you don't die from them.
You just have to learn how to mend, build up a little callous over your heart and keep on moving. One day you will look at this experience and realize that you have matured and have moved on. This experience is the universe telling you "he is not the one." I send you a hug through this medium.
Hopefully, OP is able to get support IRL as she grieves this betrayal.