'My boyfriend thinks my dad's Valentines Day gifts are creepy. Is this a red flag?' UPDATED

The intentions people project onto others says a lot about them.

"My (23F) boyfriend (25M) thinks my dad's (59M) gifts are 'creepy.' Red flag?"

Every year for Valentine's Day, my dad (59M) gives/sends me (23F) flowers and a box of chocolate. He has done this every year since I've been old enough to remember. He'd always give them to me when I was little, when I went to college and beyond he has them delivered to me.

It's just a tradition for us. I think it's sweet, I grew up in a really tight-knit, close family. I started dating my BF "Mark" (25M) a little over a year ago. Last Valentine's Day I got the usual delivery from my dad. Mark saw and said, "Oh, your dad sent you those? Oh OK." And that was it. Fast forward to this year.

Last night, Mark and I were discussing our Valentine's Day plans for this year, like what restaurant should we go to, and he made a passing comment about hoping I don't get any "creepy gifts in the mail this year."

I was confused and asked him what he meant, and he said, "You know, how you got that stuff from your dad last year. It's creepy for a dad to be sending his adult daughter Valentine's Day gifts." I was taken aback because it's not like my dad sent me lingerie or something!! It was just flowers and some chocolate. I tried explaining to Mark that this is a tradition I have always shared with my dad.

He stands firm that it's "creepy" and "weird," and he said he asked his friends and they thought it was weird too. I tried to let it go but it has been bothering me. 1) I have never heard these kinds of negative comments from Mark before and am not sure whether it's a "red flag."

I have never been in a serious relationship before and am still figuring it all out. 2) When my dad's delivery comes this month, I don't want Mark to feel uncomfortable. 3) Is it actually creepy for my dad to be sending this stuff? I have never found it so, but would like to hear other perspectives. Thanks!!

People had a lot to say in response.

Intelligent-Ad8436 wrote:

Cherish these times with dad because he will be gone some day.

OP responded:

Oh, for sure. I'm not going to tell my dad to stop the Valentine's Day gifts, I know he loves the tradition and I don't want him to feel any type of negative way about it. I am so sorry to everyone who has lost their fathers or father figures. I know I'm extremely lucky to have such a great dad, so many people don't. I cherish all my family.

Zoe2805 wrote:

Maybe he feels forced to do more than he wants to "compete" with your dad or whatever. Don't change your tradition with your dad. It's sweet and a great proof of your good bond. It's not creepy at all.

PolackMike wrote:

It is not creepy. It's sweet. Mark is a f#$king AH. I'm a dad of two girls and this makes me sad that a father showing love for his daughter is thought of as creepy. Every year I get my girls a piece of jewelry, flowers and take them to dinner. You have a limited amount of Valentine's Days with your dad on this earth. One day, he won't be around to send you your cherished Valentine's gifts.

All you'll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts. And if you and Mark stay together, he'll probably rethink how "creepy" it was that your dad loved you and then want to do the same for his daughters. Meanwhile, you'll have missed precious years of gifts from your own father. Mark's a dick. Mark needs to grow the f#$k up.

Adventurous-travel1 wrote:

My dad sent me and my daughter flowers until her passed a couple of years ago. I’m 53 now. Your dad is making sure you have also known that he loves you and think of you. This is not creepy or weird. Your bf is making an issue out of nothing. What is wrong with him to think in this way?

Jilltro wrote:

I’m 37 and my dad sends my brother and I a Whitmans Sampler and a card every single year for Valentine’s Day. It’s one of my most cherished traditions and I look forward to it every year. Only a small, pathetic man would feel insecure about a gesture of love from father to daughter. My husband looks forward to eating the candies I don’t want.

Two months later, OP jumped on with an update.

Hi all... it's been a long two months and I'm sorry for not updating sooner but I just needed a break. I REALLY appreciate all the insight I got on my original post. TL;DR my dad sends me flowers and chocolate every Valentine's Day and my BF thought it was creepy.

We broke up. I tried having a legitimate conversation with Mark (ex-BF) about why he found the gifts creepy. He is close with his family, they show a regular amount of affection for a close American family, so it wasn't that. He could not articulate to me why he found it creepy, he just kept saying it made him uneasy.

No further explanation. There is only so much I can do regarding that, so I gave up on trying to find the root issue. He originally said he talked to his friends about it and they all found it weird. Yeah, he never did that. He admitted he made it up. He also confessed he cheated on me with 2 different girls, which took me by complete surprise. (I got tested, all is fine in that regard.)

So yeah. I ended it. He begged me to stay and said I was "the one." I refused. I said something along the lines of, "You cheated on me, you lied to me, and we have different core family values." When he realized I wasn't coming back, he told everyone I cheated on him.

My friends were furious on my behalf wanted to give him a piece of their minds but I told them I just don't want to deal with him ever again. I am so done I just don't care anymore. He is blocked. So basically I still have no idea what his problem with the gifts was, but good riddance. And for everyone who said I had a good dad, trust me, I know and I am so lucky! I am going to visit him next month and can't wait.

The comments came flowing in.

Cultural_Shape3518 wrote:

"He also confessed he cheated on me with 2 different girls, which took me by complete surprise."

The guy who sees s*xual intent in totally innocuous gestures just because the people involved happen to be different sexes turned out to be cheating himself? I’m sorry you got blindsided with that, but I can’t say I’m surprised.

rikkirachel responded:

Yeah, and doesn’t seem to see women as anything other than potential s*x partners. Like another commenter said, he wouldn’t find the father-daughter interaction weird unless his worldview is that any male-female interaction is inherently s*xual or horny in some way…which means he cannot interact with women as people.

raerae1991 responded:

The last two sentences nailed it! If ex-BF can’t separate that a male/female relationship can be something other than s*xual, including a father/daughter relationship he doesn’t see women as people! She dodged a bullet!

No-Pop7740 wrote:

Only a guess, but his reaction suggests that he was uncomfortable knowing that he wouldn’t be able to isolate you from your father, and that your father would be protective of you if he (the ex) was ab*sive.

Assiqtaq wrote:

"You are the one for me! I totally had s*x with two other girls while I'm with you. But they meant nothing because you are The One." Yeah that doesn't work for me either. I'm glad you figured it out and dropped him out of your life.

At least he knows that cheating is a valid reason for ending a relationship. After all, if he didn't know that he wouldn't be telling everyone he knows that you cheated so he ended it. He knows better, he just didn't do better.

OP is hopefully onto better things.