'AITA for telling my family they're the ones making my half-siblings feel bad about having less?'

"AITA for telling my family they're the ones making my half-siblings feel bad about having less?"

AssumptionPlus7711 writes:

My parents divorced when I (16f) was 3 and my brother Shane (18m) was 5. Shane remembers them fighting a lot back then. I remember none of it. What I do remember is my dad would always stay far away from mom and would sometimes skip things if mom was going to be present.

He'd tell me or Shane, or both of us, that he didn't want to be mom's friend, so he thought it would be easier to stay away. When I was 6, dad met Kim, and within 4 months, Kim and her daughter Lilah (now 13) moved in with him.

Within the next 3 years, dad and Kim had my two half-siblings, got married in between, and Kim moved her mom in to care for her until she died. So it was chaos. Dad also lost his job and made less at his new one.

Shane and I were back and forth between mom and dad. We'd spend a week with mom and then a week with dad. We hated going back then, though, because it was so chaotic.

Mom was the stable parent for us. She was able to afford to give us a good quality of life that dad struggled to provide. Mom paid for an extracurricular activity for me and Shane each. She made sure we always had enough supplies for school. She bought us nice gifts (we had game consoles at mom's and other stuff that we didn't have at dad's).

Over time, as Lilah got a little bigger and so did our half-siblings, dad and Kim started asking mom to send them money for us or to buy stuff for Lilah and our half-siblings too. Mom refused. Dad and Kim hated that.

They tried to say mom was okay with us suffering, and grandma especially said mom should be making sure we didn't feel bad because we had more. Shane and I never felt bad. We knew we had different things because our mom was mom and Kim was our half-siblings' and Lilah's mom.

So different families and different households too. I never felt guilty that we did so well with mom. I never felt like she owed my half-siblings or Lilah gifts or food or clothes. Grandpa used to say him and grandma should do more since they were actually family and our mom wasn't, and I agree with that. I know Shane does too.

A lot of stuff happened since, but a few months ago, mom brought me and my two best friends to a concert. Dad knew I was going, and he told Kim and Lilah about it, knowing Lilah had wanted to go as well, but they couldn't afford it.

This became a really big deal. Lilah got so mad at me for it, and my dad and Kim got mad at mom because I didn't apologize to Lilah. They said mom put me in the middle of divorce stuff.

Then a couple of days ago, they were talking about it with grandma, and all three said mom made me feel bad by putting me (and Shane) in the middle and making us watch our other siblings suffer while we did so well. Grandpa called them crazy.

I told them mom never put me in the middle, they did, and she never made me feel bad for having more because I never felt bad. I knew that comes with having different families. They told me to stop defending mom. Grandpa told them to stop acting like Shane and I need to hate our mom because they do. AITA?

Here's what people have to say to OP:

coastalkid92 says:

NTA. I love that your Grandpa called them out. You're exactly right, you live in two different households and the expectations and offerings at each are going to be different. It's your mom's job to provide you a loving, stable home, just as your dad needs to provide that for you and your other siblings. The extras can be different.

Vegoia says:

Better make sure you father doesnt have life insurance on your mom, they sound like vultures who want her money.

Thecarpetbug says:

Even if they lived in the same household. My two eldest siblings have a different mum to mine and my other sibling's. We all lived together since their mum died before dad married our mum. Their grandparents gave them a lot of things that weren't for us, mostly snack stuff like toffee crispee.

Both me and my full sister have mouths full of sweet teeth, and you know what? Even as little children, we understood those snacks weren't for us. We only had them if offered, and our mum (who wasn't the best stepmum/mum) encouraged us not to take their snacks.

verily_eft says:

Especially audacious that they divorced and then their dad tries to tell his ex it's her job to pay for his new family. He doesn't get to go make a new family without her and then make her responsible for it just cause she was unfortunate enough to be with him at one point in his life. Unbelievable. These poor kids.

What do you think?