Ultrasound profile pic controversy highlights MIL’s dismissal of DIL’s pain. AITA?
"My freaking uterus is her FB profile pic."
I’ll be 18w pregnant tomorrow, and it has been the single hardest thing I’ve had to go through. I’ve been diagnosed with HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) and have been battling with consistent nausea and vomiting since about 6 weeks.
I’ve been in the ER, I’ve been getting weekly vitamin infusions until I couldn’t afford them anymore, and my doc has tried more meds than we can even count. Point is, it’s been absolute hell, and it has taken a huge toll on my mental state.
MiL doesn’t believe in any ailment I’m ever diagnosed with. When I got diagnosed with celiac disease? “Oh, you can handle anything in moderation, that’s just what they tell people when they can’t figure out what’s wrong with you.”
When I got diagnosed with HG and was in the deepest part of the trenches? “Oh it’s fine, everyone gets morning sickness, you just need to get up and do things, leave the house.”
She’s been hounding me about throwing a birthday party for my husband even though hubs and I agreed we aren’t doing birthdays this year in the midst of the pregnancy and all. Mine was in January and I didn’t celebrate it aside from a very small surprise party that a couple close friends threw me, which I’m hella grateful for, don’t get me wrong.
However MiL decided she’d throw that in my face as a reason that it’s unfair that I haven’t been planning anything for my husband, who has never given a single F about his birthday as long as I’ve known him. Literally didn’t ask for this party (again, still grateful because my friends are the best!) and still had it thrown in my face.
I experienced pregnancy loss back in August/September of 2024 and had to get a D&C. It was pretty traumatizing, especially how the doc told us. Our baby would have been due today, 4/4. With that being said, we decided to announce our rainbow baby on the original baby’s due date as a nod to their memory, which we will never forget.
I made my Facebook post, sharing my pregnancy, explaining my sickness, and also lightly touching on our experience with pregnancy loss. When I say lightly, I mean very delicately and tactfully.
MiL also had to make her Facebook post, and share with the world how “one year ago today, (me) and (hubs) were supposed to be welcoming a baby into this world, but unfortunately (me) had a miscarriage and it broke all of our hearts” and I’m not gonna lie, I’m pissed.
First off, I wasn’t pregnant a year ago. We weren’t even trying then. Second off, why the hell use the word “miscarriage” on what was supposed to be a celebratory and lighthearted Facebook post? I’m not upset that she shared, I’m upset that she had to lack tact about everything I went though.
I myself don’t even use the M word when I talk about it, because realistically I had about 2 months to grieve and process it before getting pregnant again. Waking up and having this be the first thing I see on Facebook was extremely triggering, and I’m not even one to really use that word.
I’ve been just plain freaking sad all day because now I’m feeling guilt for feeling happy and excited over the new arrival. It just feels like I haven’t honored my loss enough yet, and for other people to be talking about it so bluntly, kinda hurts.
Feels like she’s using my tragedy for sympathy and attention from her friends. Funny, because she wants to talk all about my pregnancy but won’t even slightly throw me a bone and mention me being a goddamn trooper through HG.
Not to mention, she has now made my freaking ULTRASOUND her goddamn profile picture. It’s like she’s trying to hijack this whole experience and get all the attention and positive energy for herself, all while still denying to my face the very real medical issues I’m still struggling with.
It’s weird and uncomfortable, I don’t even have my own freaking uterus as MY profile pic. If I’m overreacting, all I ask is that you give it to me gently. If that’s possible online. lol.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I would cut this woman off completely. Your husband can deal with her but you and your child don’t have to put up with that.
Tell her to take it off and if she doesn't, have FB make her take it off.
Just wanted to point out for validation that SHE and her husband were supposed to welcome a baby, but YOU had a miscarriage? That's seriously rude and blaming you for there not being a baby. Wow.
No one understands HG. It’s horrible. 16 weeks, second HG pregnancy here. I didn’t want my in-laws to come over, but they kept insisting they just had to come see the toddler. I hid in the bedroom and they could hear me throw up 8 or so times during their visit.
MIL keeps insisting me and husband go out to eat for a date night and she’ll babysit. Acts dumbfounded when I say that sounds like a horrible idea. Protect your peace, call her out when you need to, and don’t forget your Zofran.
xcataclysmicxx (OP)
lol are we married into the same family? Swear I’m so over how I’m having a high risk pregnancy and was in critical condition at one point and she’s just like “go shopping. Get a massage.
Get out of the house” and I’m like “barf barf but I can’t barf barf stop barfing barf barf” and she still wants to act like everything is fine and dandy. I’m glad someone gets it. Here’s hoping it gets better for the both of us 🍻 either way, we’re badasses despite our MiL’s lousy opinions. 💪🏻
Girl even my own husband! “Just drop toddler off at their house I wanna go eat!” Like you see me every day!!! You know I’m not exaggerating!! I think it’s just something no one understands unless they go through it, because morning sickness IS normal and expected, but not to the extreme of HG.
Even doctors brush it under the rug. And as someone who has done this before, it does get better and I promise it is so worth it in the end! You’re strong and you’ve got this!
xcataclysmicxx (OP)
Oh man, I’m sorry that you aren’t getting support from more angles. Mil is truly one of the only people that’s making this hard on me. My doc has been incredibly awesome and validating. I struck absolute gold with her and I am so grateful.