'My friend is having an affair, we plan to tell her husband.' AITA? 'There are kids involved.'
"AITA? My friend is having an affair, we plan to tell her husband."
I've known Anna (F38) since we were in highschool, we are part of a group of five. Now we hang out as families for christmas, birthdays, Easter, etc. It has been like this for over ten years. My partner Greg (M39) is good friends with Anna's husband, Darren (M39).
Anna recently told me she is having an affair with one of their family friends, who is also Darren's sisters ex partner. At the time, I remained non judgemental and supportive. Once the information set in and I realized how disloyal and gross the whole situation is, my sense of justice and moral compass came into play.
Darren is a good man, Anna says he is a wonderful father and husband but she just doesn't feel the connection with him anymore despite faking it the last 6 months to keep her secret under wraps.
I knew keeping this from Greg may backfire on me, if he found out I also hid the secret, so I told him. He is shattered for his mate, and it is eating at him. I've told Anna that Greg knows. She's pissed at me for the betrayal, expecting me to take it to my grave. She knows they're catching up soon and Greg plans to tell him.
Anna has not asked for a seperation because they have an overseas trip coming up in October. She has told me financially that she can't leave. Keeping in mind, she regularly gets expensive treatments like botox and taking roids to have her look her best.
We want to tell Darren about her affair in 2 weeks, will we be the aholes? Side note- some have asked why we are waiting. Greg works away, he is home in 2 weeks (closer to 1.5 weeks now) but feels like due to the nature of the conversation, it should be in person.
He knows Darren will be very upset, possibly angry and wants to be here to support him in those initial moments. I feel like I should also mention there are kids involved. Do we tell him via text sooner?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mebysical said:
She doesn’t want to tell him because they have an overseas trip coming up? Likely a trip he’s paying for, and she wants to leech off him?? Tell him.
Ok_Young1709 said:
You shouldn't have told her that you told your partner. Now she can do damage control and make you both seem like liars. You do need to tell him sooner or you'll lose him as a friend potentially.
dangerclosemaybe said:
YTA if you don't tell Darren immediately. I'd drop Anna as a friend too.
RickAndToasted said:
It seems like you warned her that you're going to tell her husband? I think that is the decent thing to do, she may not have respect for her marriage or husband but I think you should show her what being honest/having integrity means and tell her that if she doesn't tell him then you/your hubby will let him know on whatever date. Then follow through. Just don't expect him to be grateful for the news. NTA.
ghjkl098 said:
NTA You and your husband are doing the right thing. Be prepared that at least initially he may take us anger out on you. Don’t think that means you did anything wrong.
LameUserName123456 said:
Don't want anyone to know your business? Well then don't tell a single soul about it. Your friend did this to herself. Just like she doesn't have the sense & self control to not cheat on her husband, she doesn't have the sense or self control to keep her mouth shut. You're not obligated to match her moral compass. Do the right thing. NTA.
Smoke__Frog said:
YTA. For not telling Darren right away. Do the right thing.