'My GF has given up on her career after I became a millionaire. AITA for wanting to end things?' UPDATED

"My (25M) girlfriend (25F) has given up on her career after I became a millionaire. How do I tell her this won’t work out?"

Backstory: I met my GF Kylie (fake name) in community college 7 years ago. We became really close friends and started dating 2 years later. At the time she wanted to be a nurse which was great.

She was really passionate about it, and I fully supported her. I ended up transferring to a 4 year university and earning my MBA. Kylie supported me emotionally the entire time through school which I’m grateful for.

Kylie’s parents ended up cutting her off financially, because of her spending habits. She ended up taking a year off to work to help her with her bills. In the meantime I invested all my savings, time, and energy into a startup platform with my best friend in the automotive industry. Earlier this year we were bought out for a life changing amount of money.

We were both kept on as consultants with a high paying salary as well. Kylie had kept her job at the jewelry store this entire time. After the buyout she told me she was handing her 2 weeks in. I offered to pay for her school and expenses. At first she was excited to go back and earn her nursing degree. I ended up purchasing a condo for us to live in (big step up from our apartment) close to her school.

Over the weekend we were talking, and she threw out the fact that she wasn’t sure about wanting to go back to school, and that she could be a stay at home wife (we’re not married). I didn’t say anything in the moment because I wasn’t sure on how to respond. Part of what attracted me to her in the first place was her ambition.

It just doesn’t sit right with me that she quit her job and career goals after I came into money. Her shopping/spending has also gone up. She’s been looking at new cars. I could be overreacting, but something just doesn’t seem right. I still love her and want it to work out, but I don’t like this new side of her I’m seeing. Thanks in advance.

The internet did not hold back.

Coastalkid92 wrote:

Not sure what kind of advice you want here. It's pretty easy to tell her that you never wanted a stay at home spouse, you want a partner that's also contributing to the household and that you really valued her ambition toward having her own career and independence.

You need to have a really frank discussion that as of right now, your assets are not shared wealth. That you're happy to help her go back to school, but that you intend for your lifestyle to be whatever and that you intend to invest further into your future.

OP responded:

So here’s another detail I left out. Her mom was a stay at home mom. Her dad is very well off, so I don’t think she sees anything wrong with her decision. That’s the family life she was raised in. When we first got together she said she wanted to be the complete opposite of her mom.

She wanted to be independent and have a career. In the future if we end up having kids after getting married I don’t mind her to be a stay at home mom, but for now that’s way too far down the line.

sherrysimp wrote:

Now you see why her parents cut her off financially. She’s a mooch.

Sit her down and explain that you are willing to to pay the basics and only if she goes back to school But you will not be paying for anything more and she need to continue to work. After all this time school should have been finished.

OP responded:

Side story for the reason she got cutoff. She ran over her friend with her car. Kylie says it was unintentional. The friend disagrees with that. Friend ends up suing Kylie’s parents on the basis of them owning the car Kylie was driving. Anyways Kylie’s parents ended up settling with the friend for 250k. They told Kylie she needed to get a job and get her own car after this.

Cardabella wrote:

A million isn't enough for a family to live on in luxury without working. Op you need to tell her that changes in plans need discussion. You bought a condo to support her career and now she says she doesn't have ambition you're not sure who she is. Your whole windfall isn't shared wealth.

It is intended to last you singular your lifetime and within that you will share what you allocate to each passing month and year you're sailing through life together. but you don't want a trophy gf. You see this kind of funds as allowing you to choose to follow a dream career not to freeload and fritter it all away without purpose. You need to talk about it.

venttress_sd wrote:

My sister is this way. She's 35 now and hasn't worked in over a decade. Hey husband works 12 to 16 hour days and then comes home to do all the chores because my sister is too tired from pilates and shopping to do chores. Poor guy.

Don't be in relationships with gold diggers. This will be your future.

Edit: also you should not date people who run other people over with their cars. Holy burying the lede, Batman!!

The next day, OP shared a major update.

First I would like to thank everyone for their time and advice. I truly appreciate everyone’s input. I had a serious conversation with my girlfriend Kylie about our future Thursday night. I told her that she needed to figure out a plan for the future whether that finding a job or going back to school.

I told her if she goes back to school I would support her financially including paying for her degree. I told her I would give her until December to figure out her plan. She ended up getting really defensive and told me that she’s the reason I’m in the position where I am in life. She said that I should pay for her lifestyle since she was there from the start.

Then she proceeded to tell me that she wasted 5 years of her life with me. She told me that she could’ve been married and had a family by now. I was shocked, because I’ve never seen the side of her. She was having a complete meltdown. I ended the conversation by telling her I tried my best to make this relationship work, but it won’t work like this.

Unlike her I come from a very middle class family. Both of my parents had jobs and contributed to the house. It was like she was completely a different person. That’s when I realized that the money had really changed her. I basically told her that I had a business trip (she knew about already) and when I get back on Tuesday to have all your stuff moved and give a mutual friend I trust the keys.

I canceled her credit card the same night. The car she currently drives has 6000 left on the loan. Luckily the car is in her name, so I’m not responsible for it. I’ve been making the payments on it for her for the last 6 months. Also I don’t feel too bad like I’m kicking her to the streets since her parents would never let her be homeless.

Fast forward to Friday her sister called me a few times and I ignored it, but then decided to answer since they were inside my condo. Sister basically told me that Kylie has been crying the whole day and wanted to work things out. I told her it was too far gone for repair. Then today her best friend called me wanting to know if I was able to meet for some drinks which I thought was odd.

Her best friend told me that she has some things to show me which were causing her to lose sleep. I told her that I would think about it, but honestly I don’t care at this point. Finding out about whatever Kylie did behind my back would just cause more pain. When I get back I’m going to put the condo back on the market, because I have no use for it anymore.

I honestly have no interest in dating anymore. It’s way too difficult for me to see the true intentions in people. Thanks again for all the help and support. This will probably be the end of this post hopefully. Side note I had a lot of questions about Kylie running over her friend. I didn’t know Kylie when this happened. Kylie originally spent her first semester of college at a private university.

Kylie told me she accidentally put the car in drive instead of reverse and ended hitting the friend. Kylie was super apologetic, and the friend forgave her on the spot. Then the friend’s mom found out about her daughter being hit by a car. They did research and learned that Kylie’s dad is a big time CEO of a major corporation, and decided to sue her parents.

The lawsuit was settled outside of court between Kylie’s parents and the friend for 250k. Kylie had to leave the private college after that and join me since her parents wanted her living back at home. I don’t think it was intentional on Kylie’s part honestly, but then again I saw a different side of her for the first time in 7 years of knowing her.

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

kingofgreenapples wrote:

I would take a moment and lock down your credit. Be prepared to put up cameras. Be ready for a mess when you get home. Have your phone ready to video in case you need proof later.

I hope that I am overestimating how badly she will take this but it seems like she currently has no clear path to a better life and she may strike out at you as the reason. You are right in all you have done; just don't count it as over yet.

EmbracingTheWorld wrote:

Be wary of anyone you know wanting to catch up, Kylie's friend sounds like she's also after your money now that your single.

Comprehensive-Bad219 wrote:

Yeah maybe I've spent too much time online reading crazy stories, but breaking up with her and then leaving her alone in your apartment seems like it wasn't the smartest decision. What's to stop her from changing the locks and demanding you go through a formal eviction process, and dragging this out? Or wrecking the whole place before she goes?

It would have been smarter to have had her out before you left, or to have waited to break up with her until you came back. Even if nothing bad happens now, in the future if you ever land yourself in a situation like this, don't dump someone and then leave on a trip, leaving them alone inside your apartment.