'AITA for letting my girlfriend move in while my wife still lives with me?'
"AITA for letting my girlfriend move in while my wife still lives with me?"
I told my wife that I wanted a divorce 4 years ago, but I also told her that I would save up around $15k to give her so she wouldn’t have to start over with nothing. I live in Texas, and I had a house before we got married, so it’s not subject to division in the divorce.
Last year, in June, she agreed to take the money and leave, but she never took the money and came back shortly after, telling me she had been diagnosed with lupus.
She has never worked during our marriage. I’ve sent her to school three different times, all of which she graduated from. Since her lupus diagnosis, she mostly stays in the house, either lying down or sitting on the couch while I’m home.
That said, I’ve moved on romantically for almost a year now, and my girlfriend knows my situation and all the details. The divorce was officially submitted to the court. My lawyer keeps trying to schedule mediation, but my wife won’t agree to a time, date, or anything to move the divorce along.
Normally, my girlfriend and I get a hotel or an Airbnb, but I’m really fed up with it all and jokingly suggested having a slumber party at my place. She was actually up for it. I’ve kept no secrets from anyone. My wife has told me that she feels disrespected by me having my girlfriend drop me off at home, so this would be a major escalation. Thoughts, please?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
porter9884 says:
Is her condition self diagnosed or is there an actual medical report stating diagnosis. Anyway continue the divorce process, serve her with eviction papers and move on with your life.
Beeni69 says:
NTA. It’s been four years and you’re still caring for her. While it may be a little petty, it might also be the nudge she needs to finally move on.
[deleted]
YTA to yourself. You need to get a divorce if that is what you want. Get a new lawyer. It does not take 4 years to get a divorce. She cannot indefinitely delay it. Use Rule 245 and get this done.
Complex_Storm1929 says:
NTA. Your wife needs to start moving on. I would give her a heads up like “hey, my gf will be moving in with me in a month” so it gives her time to leave. But remember, your “wife” may make your GFs life miserable to try and chase her away so you need to be prepared for that. Also, I would start the eviction process ASAP.
Actual-Clue-3165 says:
NTA. Your wife needs to get her sh%t together. You've been supporting her for 4 years for no reason, she doesn't get to feel disrespected. You need to get her out of there before this gets messier.
OMG, did this strike a nerve as far as self-diagnosis. My ex claimed lupus, a variety of cancers, heart attack, stroke… none of it was ever diagnosed by a medical professional.
The last time I had any contact with her was in 2022, in a zoom call court proceeding to discuss the $30k she still owed me in unpaid child support. She told the judge that she had recently had “bwain surjwee” and had trouble understanding what was being asked of her. Smart judge kept her talking long enough for her to suddenly lose the slur in her speech.
I completely agree…continue with divorce, evict her ASAP, and enjoy the next phase of your life.
OP came back to the post and added these edits:
Edit 1: We haven’t been on romantic terms for years. I don’t say "I love you." I don’t sleep in the same room. I haven’t led her on for years. The only reason I still care for her is because we’ve been together for 14 years, and I care for her as a person.
I don’t think she’s a bad person, just not the person for me, and I’m tired of being held hostage in a situation/relationship that I no longer want. Also, when I wrote "move in" in the header, I meant to say "sleepover." I just don’t know how to edit that part.
Edit #2: Divorce process is you have to submit the divorce to the court, the other party is served and they have a time limit to submit an answer to the court. Then mediation is scheduled and both parties are required to be present and negotiate in good faith and an open mind.
The court then gets the agreement and you go in front of a judge to basically certify the agreement and the divorce is filed and official. Before the judge certifies the agreement she is still allowed to stay in the house and I’m not allowed to change her living conditions.
I legally cannot kick her out. I can’t cut off her money. I can’t reduce her comforts within reason. Texas Law. The only thing that works in my favor is the fact of noncommunal property.