'AITA for refusing to take my GF back after cheating on me to see if she was still hot?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to take my girlfriend back after she cheated?"
Big-Classic-7657 writes:
I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend, Rachel (27F), for two years. She’s always been confident and charismatic, which is one of the things I loved about her. Our relationship seemed solid—good communication, lots of shared interests, and we were even talking about moving in together.
A few weeks ago, Rachel admitted to me that she cheated on me during a night out with her friends. She hooked up with a guy she met at a bar. I was completely blindsided. When I asked her why she did it, she said it wasn’t about me or our relationship but because she “wanted to see if she still had it.”
I told her that was a terrible excuse, and she started crying, saying it was a stupid mistake and that she regretted it immediately. She’s begged me to forgive her, saying she learned her lesson and that it would never happen again.
But I can’t get over the fact that she was willing to risk our relationship for something so shallow. She didn’t cheat because she was unhappy or because there was a problem between us—she cheated purely to stroke her ego.
Now, Rachel and some of our mutual friends are calling me unforgiving, saying that “everyone makes mistakes” and that I’m throwing away a great relationship over one bad choice. They say I should focus on her remorse and give her another chance.
I feel like staying with her would mean betraying my own boundaries, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too harsh. AITA for refusing to take her back?
Here are the top rated comments from readers with OP's responses.
Wizard_of_Claus says:
NTA. "Congrats, you still have it, but you sure as hell don't have me." The mutual friends are just as trashy as her. You'd be crazy to take her back.
OP responded:
Thats what I thought but I couldn't be sure of myself.
Stock-Candy-4091 says:
NTA NEVER LOOK BACK!
Fragrant_Spray says:
It’s time to go. A year, 5 years, 10 years and two kids from now, she’s still going to wonder if she “still has it” when she sees a cute guy. Does she still have the ability to find a guy that wants her physically? Yes, she’ll probably have that for a long time. Does she still have the ability to make a serious long term monogamous relationship work? It looks like she never did. NTA.
OP posted an update 7 days later.
Rachel intensified her efforts to reconcile. She sent me long texts about how much she regretted everything and how I was “the love of her life.” When I didn’t respond, she showed up at my apartment, crying and begging for another chance. I told her I still needed space and wasn’t ready to talk, but before leaving, she accused me of being “cold” and said I was throwing away something special.
A few days later, I got new information that completely shifted things. It turns out the guy Rachel cheated with wasn’t just a random hookup from a bar—he was an ex-boyfriend. She had been messaging him for weeks leading up to that night. Their conversations were flirty, suggestive, and far beyond what I’d consider appropriate. I found this out through someone who showed me screenshots Rachel had clearly tried to keep hidden.
When I confronted Rachel with this, she initially denied it, but when I mentioned the messages, she broke down and admitted everything. She claimed she’d been feeling insecure and that reconnecting with him made her feel desirable again. She insisted it didn’t mean anything and that I was still “the one” for her, but it felt like yet another betrayal.
At that point, I told her I was done. There’s no coming back from this for me. She cheated, lied, and broke my trust on multiple levels. I ended things for good, and since then, I’ve cut off all contact with her.
It’s been a rough week, but I feel at peace with my decision. As much as I cared about Rachel, I know I deserve someone who values honesty and loyalty as much as I do. Thank you again to everyone who helped me see things clearly—I’m finally moving forward.