'My girl left me one day after five years of relationship. I just saw her after four years.' UPDATED
Facing a former partner after they've ripped out your heart can be profoundly painful, but there can also be a freedom in it.
I saw my girlfriend after four years.
My girl left me one day after five years of relationship. She and a friend of mine disappeared from the map after that. I suspected what was happening but I could not believe it. I told myself it had to be paranoia. My suspicions were confirmed four months later. Four years went by. They are still together, and of course we have friends in common. One of said friends got married recently.
I went to the wedding. They were there. She was there, avoiding me. When the time was right. I faced them both. Saluted them politely and got to talking. I wasn't drunk or nervous. I know I am a good person. I know I didn't do anything wrong. I talked to her for some minutes while he watched from 10 feet away. I told her I wish her the best and that I hope her and her family are doing very well.
She tried to apologize but I told her there is no need to apologize for anything. I got drunk later and had a blast with my friends. When I got home, and I was safe and alone, I cried. Let it all out by myself. Such a relief. I saw them. I faced them. I kept it together.
The internet had OP's back.
ViStandsForStupid wrote:
I have a similar situation I'll be dealing with soon and your comment genuinely helped. Thank you.
OP responded:
When you hurt others you hurt yourself. When you hurt yourself you hurt others.
Kill them with kindness.
independentasian wrote:
Courageous, strong and bold. Well done my friend. So proud of you.
OP responded:
And bald :P
IgnusIncubus wrote:
She do has something to apologize, though. If you don't want her apologies, that's you being the better guy, but she did lied to and cheat you.
OP responded:
An apology is a request to the hurt person, to be released from the guilt. It is saying "please, take this off my shoulders, if you are still hurting I am still ashamed and guilty." If you are not still hurting and it is in the past, then there is no reason for them to still feel guilty. Hence: there is no need to apologize.
Lone_Narrator wrote:
Your courage to face her after all these years and not go after closure is emboldening.
I'm glad you did it.
KevinMurda85 wrote:
Something similar happened to me a couple of years back. In 2018 I was dating a girl for about 3 and a half years, We were always together and did everything together, we were close. My family didn't like her much, in fact during a party she got into a physical fight with my cousins. I was young and naive and I took her side.
Eventually, she ended up traveling to a different country because she needed time alone to "think." My best friend of 10 years was in the same country so naturally, I told him to check up on her if he was nearby. My GF at the time then ghosted me for about 3 months and would call here and there. She would blame it on reception.
She then comes back to the states and tells me she cheated on me and was having a baby. I later found out my best friend was sleeping around with her for 3 months and she was having his baby. It took me a while to heal but eventually, real friends started to show up, I started to go out and clubbing meeting girls and having fun.
Two years later I bump into her and we talk, she apologize but it drove her crazy that I was so nonchalant about the whole situation and it made her emotional. I wished her good luck in life and went my way. I am now in a healthier relationship with a better person and having a kid on the way. Moral of the story things play out for the better. Keep going Cheers!
Almost two years later, OP shared an update.
TLDR: After five years of relationship, she slept with a friend of mine and left me for him. I saw them at a wedding two years ago, and we had a talk. They recently parted ways. I'm unsure of the reasons or the exact timing, but it doesn't matter. I wished them well when we last crossed paths, and I still do.
News of their separation stirs up some memories, though they no longer carry the bitterness they once did. It took me years to realize we were not good for each other. What connected us was merely a reflection of our fears. When I saw them at the wedding I was undergoing therapy to recover from this trauma, which had plunged me into a deep depression.
However, through perseverance and consistent therapy, I stayed committed to my path of recovery. I achieved several promotions at work and embarked on building my own house without relying on loans. I've rediscovered the joys of painting, reading, and dating. I've let my hair grow long once more.
I am smiling again. After countless therapy sessions, it all feels like a chapter from my past now. It's as if I've reclaimed something essential about my inner life...something I had lost even before I met her. I finally understood that it was never about other people, my appearance, or my career. It was always about kindness — kindness towards myself.
The internet was happy to hear about OP's sense of closure.
vilarvente wrote:
You are the boss! I wish I were like you (even with people saying that I am like a capybara 😄) Keep strong and grow the most beautiful, flowing and silky hair! 🫂
Peter095837 wrote:
I feel for OP. Having a relationship for five years but to be dropped like this, it hurts. I'm happy OP is able to go through a journey where newfound goodness and is able to reclaim a happy life.
Fatigue-Error wrote:
I’m so glad OP recovered. Sounds like it took a while, and he’s doing well. His ex-GF and his ex-friend are scum though. She should have broken up with him instead of cheating. He should have been true to the friendship. Nope, they both cheated on OP, on the friendship and relationship with him. And then they ghosted and never said a word. Cowards for not at least saying something to him.
evenstarcirce wrote:
I think him seeing them after 4 years pushed him towards happiness in some weird way. Like he could close that chapter of that book and actually focus on recovering and being at peace with himself. So happy for OP.
stacity wrote:
Well they both are cheats. What did anyone expect when slimy people get together? Eternal bliss? You reap what you sow.
And who the hell invites them all together in addition to the one cheated on to a wedding?
Sweet_Xocolatl wrote:
Shocking that a marriage built on infidelity, betrayal, and ghosting didn’t last. I wonder what caused the divorce? Regardless, it’s joyous that OP moved past this and is living his best life.
This ended surprisingly wholesome, for OP in the very least.