'AITA for saying my wedding was ruined because my MIL took photos against my will?'
"AITA for telling my husband he and his mother ruined out wedding day for me?"
Salt-Swing8252 writes:
I (35F) got married to my husband (41M) recently. Neither of us likes the spotlight, so we agreed on a small event. The only thing I was firm about was that I didn’t want photos. My self-esteem is in the toilet. In the last 18 months, I have put on weight.
I am not looking to make excuses, but there are some reasons why. In the last 18 months, I have lost both parents and my grandmother. I have lost two jobs and had a miscarriage. Depression has hit me hard at times, and I have been comfort eating.
I was put on a new medication, and weight gain is a side effect. About a year ago, I broke my left ankle badly. I have had three surgeries to date (the last one was ten days before the wedding). I can’t walk without pain. I really didn’t want photos that would remind me of the fact that I am now fat.
A few weeks before the wedding, my mother-in-law was talking about going to a local beauty spot for photos. I said no thank you and that, yes, I am being serious. My husband heard this, and later that night, I said again that I really don’t want photos, and he said that is fine with him.
The week before the wedding, I had the same conversation with my mother-in-law and my husband. On the day of the wedding, my father-in-law and mother-in-law picked us up. I was no longer able to drive as I couldn’t move my ankle.
We got the whole legal shindig done, and as we were going back to the car, my mother-in-law again said, “Let’s go to the beauty spot for photos.” I again said no, but she told my father-in-law to drive there, and my husband just sat there. I know I gave him “the look,” but there was total silence. Long story short, the photos were taken, and we headed back.
In the car driving home, my mother-in-law started showing me the photos, and I hated myself in them. I looked ridiculous in a dress with a medical boot, and I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. This upset my mother-in-law, and there was an atmosphere the whole rest of the day. I really tried to move on, but I had to get out of that stupid dress, and all I really wanted to do was hide away.
Privately, I told my husband that he and his mother ruined our wedding day for me because all I can think of is those pictures. He said he didn’t realize I was so serious about no photos, that it was only for his mom to keep, and that he thinks I look beautiful. I told him that not 30 minutes into our marriage, he totally let me down, and I don’t know if I am beyond hurt or furious.
He said I was being ridiculous and that I let him down by making such a fuss over a “normal part of weddings.” He also said I had hurt his mother (she has some mental health issues and has been obsessing over me crying on my wedding day) and that I need to reassure her she hasn’t done anything wrong.
I told him no, and there will be serious problems if he tries telling her otherwise because, as far as I am concerned, they both totally ignored my one request, and that was unacceptable. He thinks I am being a totally unreasonable AH.
Here are the top rated comments from readers.
_s1m0n_s3z says:
Why did you get out of the car at the beauty spot? I'd have sat there until everyone gave up. NTA. Bulldozer MiL deserves all the bad feels she's feeling. She done f%@$ed up, putting her selfish wants ahead of the bride's.
Apprehensive_War9612 says:
Why did you get married right now? What was pressing? You don’t seem enthused to be getting married. It sounds like you’re dealing with depression on top of your physical health concerns. So why get married in a dress you do not like, in a surgical boot, 10 days after surgery? That’s the reason you didn’t want pics. Because you didn’t want to get married. ESH (Everyone sucks here).
MikeOToxin says:
ESH. Maybe your husband wanted photos of his wedding. The wedding is not all about the bride, let's get that straight. Also, you could have not gotten out of the car.
coastalkid92 says:
ESH. Your husband is right, photos are a completely normal part of any big life event and while I am empathetic to your struggles with your body to put a blanket rule of "no photos" down was perhaps unrealistic.
Now that being said, your MIL effectively trapped you into going to the studio for photos you didn't want and your husband didn't back you up. At the end of the day, the wedding is about you and your husband and if he was on side with wanting photos, he should have discussed that with you long before it made it to this point.