'My husband is going on a trip with another woman and I need reassurance.' MAJOR UPDATE

Work can put us all in less-than-ideal situations, but not all are created equal.

"My husband is going on a trip with another woman and I need reassurance."

Hello all. My husband occasionally travels for work and next week he has to attend a conference in Budapest. Nothing out of the ordinary except one of his colleagues will accompany him, and this colleague is a freshly divorced, very attractive younger woman. I don't like this woman because I believe she kinda has eyes on my husband.

When he brought me as his plus one to a work dinner she wouldn't stop complimenting him (which is fine for me, within limits) but also made some "jokes" to me to "call her" if I ever need someone to take him out of my hands for the day, or if I can "lend him" to her. This left a bitter taste in my mouth and when I told my husband about this he said he would talk to her and ask her to tone it down.

But still, he complained a couple of times that this lady sticks to him like hot glue when she has the occasion, and when he and the team go out to eat she insist to carpool with him. And now they have this trip together and I am uncomfortable. I trust my husband, but I am afraid this woman might try to pull something.

My husband listened to my concerns and proposed I could come along, if it can help, and this sounds like the perfect solution. But I too have my work stuff to attend to, and I am afraid if I come along I might come off as insecure and jealous, and distrustful of my husband. What do I do? My husband reassured me and offered a solution, but I am still undecided.

The comments started flowing in.

strike_match wrote:

The fact that your husband has listened to your concerns and offered real solutions speaks volumes. Trust him to handle things on his end because it sounds like he will. It also honestly sounds like he is being s*xually harassed, so be ready to be in his corner if this woman pushes the limit and things come to a head.

OP responded:

She is his superior too, and I feel this is part of the problem. She's not exactly his boss, but she is one step above him.

Beneficial_Syrup_869 wrote:

Hell I’d go for the trip, screw work, it will be there when you get back!

Go for your own peace and enjoy yourself and time with your husband.

DifferentManagement1 wrote:

She is definitely going to try and pull something. What the f#$k is wrong with women like this? The intensity, the level of desperation. It’s gross.

grumpy__g wrote:

He offered you to join. Do it. Why not have some nice time with your husband? That way he won’t be alone at night.Try different approach. Talk about her marriage. What happened. Ruin her evening. Talk to her about tinder/bumble. Tell her how you hope she finds happiness and real love…

Or talk about work and whenever she gives your husband a compliment look at her, like she said something completely irrelevant and keep talking about whatever you were talking about.

If you don’t want to go, set up boundaries with him. He goes back to his room at a time where you two can have a phone call together and go to sleep together. She can’t come to his room and he can’t go to hers. No alcohol. Would that help?

espressothenwine wrote:

OP, you either trust your husband or you don't. Even if this woman comes on to him, he can stop it. She isn't going to assault him I assume, so this is completely in his control. The whole I trust you but not the other person is BS. If a person wants to cheat, they will find someone, they aren't passively waiting for someone to come on to them.

I don't think you should go on this trip just to babysit your husband. I agree with you that it makes you look insecure (although I do know people who do this regularly just to get a free-ish trip), but more importantly, it's going to make your husband feel bad that you don't trust him, especially if you have no good reason not to.

Even if he doesn't verbalize this, he is going to feel it. Now, if it helps you, then maybe discuss some ground rules. Like for example, he doesn't have to have dinners or drinks with her alone or do anything with her alone, right? If he is with colleagues or even just people he meets at the conference, there will be a lot less opportunity for her to make her move.

So, to me, this is really simple. If your husband doesn't want to create a situation where he has to fight off her advances, then he can limit his time with her to group settings and hopefully she will behave differently to avoid the judgment of others.

OP responded:

You make sound suggestion, but this woman acts like this in front of other people too. But limiting interactions might help.

Veronika9216 wrote:

The more I read into this, the more I think this woman is either lying about getting divorced because her husband cheated, or she feels that if another woman "stole" her man, she can do it too. Maybe as a way to cope.

onetrickpony4u wrote:

Go along on the trip and work remote if you must. Shut this woman down. Also, your man really should be stern or put up boundaries with her. Otherwise, her delusional self might see him being interested in her when he goes along with what she wants like carpooling. She'll start to escalate things since she already made it known to you that she's willing to take him off your hands.

Almost two weeks later, OP shared an update.

Hello all, me again.

I ended up not going to the trip with my husband because I had a family emergency. Husband offered to take a sick leave, but I was against it and told him I trust him and his common sense.

Getting straight to the point: you guys were right and his superior (the woman) made her move. They were having dinner at the hotel restaurant when she started playing footsie and rub her foot on his leg.

This made my husband uncomfortable and he asked her to stop to which she replied something along the lines of "make me", and husband left dinner. She came to his room an hour late (meanwhile he had already called me to inform me about what happened at dinner) because she wanted to apologize. My husband tried to keep her at the door but she pushed her way in and sat on his bed.

My husband tried to get her out but she literally lunged at him trying to kiss him and saying it would be "only tonight" because she "saw he was undressing her with his eyes" everyday, before actually starting to undress herself. My husband tried to leave the room and she started to cry and apologize. She begged my husband to not leave her because she only needs someone to talk to.

She dressed back and went down to the lobby to talk (husband wouldn't trust her anymore to be alone with him). Again she apologized, she said she just feels lonely and really wants someone like my husband. Husband consoled her a bit but also told her he won't be comfortable anymore to be with her one on one and that he would tell me.

She agreed, asked for a hug (which my husband conceded) and left. The day after her whole attitude made a 180 turn. She acted cold and distant with my husband in work situations and called him by surname. Today they were supposed to get back in office but my husband took PTO and she took sick leave.

My husband now is worried he might be facing retaliation. I believe him and his account of the events and I think he handled it well (except maybe giving her a hug), and I will be standing with him if she tries something. I'll update when something worthwhile happens. For now we will try to enjoy out weekend without thinking about this.

Comments kept coming in.

charm59801 wrote:

Um he needs to go to HR and/or the EEOC this is text book sexual harassment.

OP responded:

That's what I think he should do. He says he wants to forget the whole thing, but I am pissed with this woman.

Veronika9216 wrote:

That woman is disgusting. The audacity, the desperation, the aggressivity. This is eerily similar to what I predicted on your original post. Watch out, now that she's been rejected and humiliated she will get dangerous and resentful.

OP responded:

I went back and read your comment. She didn't manage to get fully naked, but she was wearing a see through bra according to my husband.

Veronika9216 responded:

Eeeugh. She was definitely planning to f#$k your husband. And I'm not sure she's given up yet.

KatersHaters wrote:

For safety, ask the hotel for copies of the footage of them in the restaurant (her leaning in and him abruptly leaving) and them in the lobby. I assume her gestures there looked like someone apologizing and him being stoic. And I'd think the “forgiveness hug” is explainable with the context of the other supporting footage.

OP responded:

I will tell my husband to do that. There must be security cameras in the public areas, right?

InkspenandPaper wrote:

He needs to talk to human resources before she does, ASAP.

OP responded:

That's what I'm telling him to do.