'My husband is pressuring me to have a natural birth instead of a C-section. AITA for considering divorce?'
"AITA for considering divorce because my husband is constantIy pressuring me to have a natural birth instead of a C-section?"
l (27F) have been open with my husband (34M) about my overwhelming fear of chiIdbirth, particularly a naturaI birth. I've done a lot of research, talked to other women and even attended a birthing class, but the thought of going through labor and delivery naturally terrifies me! Luckily my doctor supported the idea of scheduling a C-section for my peace of mind and emotional well-being.
However, my husband has been very vocal about his strong preference for me to have a "natural" birth, he talks about it in almost every conversation we have about the baby, it's like he can't let it go!
It's really starting to stress me out, we had a discussion about it yesterday and l told him to f off because it's MY body and MY decision, not his. I've started to consider whether this marriage is even worth it if he can't even respect my choices when it comes to something as personal and important as my own birth experience.
BUT I don't want my baby to grow up without a father! I went through that and I don't want it to happen again
AITA for teIIing him to f-- off?? Am l overreacting?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
SophiaPetrillo_1922 wrote:
NTA - all births are natural. If you have a medical power of attorney I would update it to someone you trust to have your back. Edit: to address a comment left in this chain - saying the words vagina or vaginal is NOT impolite it’s the CORRECT term. Don’t make women’s genitals embarrassing just because society has told you to.
OP responded:
"all births are natural"
Well said! He needs to understand this.
mellow-drama responded:
Have you sat down and asked him WHY he thinks he is entitled to make this decision for you? Have you told him you're considering leaving him over this? This seems like the perfect time to be blunt.
OP responded:
"WHY he thinks he is entitled to make this decision for you?"
I think he's a sexist.
FallsOffCliff12 wrote:
Men always have this fantasy about childbirth. They expect it to be all wonderful and stress free, with mom giving two pushes in a lavender field at midnight while a harp plays in the background, and miraculously they have a son and proof of their manhood. Tell him how much natural childbirth stretches out your vagina and it just won't feel the same after. /s/s/s
OP responded:
"Men always have this fantasy about childbirth. They expect it to be all wonderful and stress free, with mom giving two pushes in a lavender field at midnight while a harp plays in the background, and miraculously they have a son and proof of their manhood." Exactly, you said it perfectly.
Big-Reception1976 wrote:
NTA. From a male perspective, my position is there is no way to birth a baby without it being massively uncomfortable. Our genders job is to support and where necessary shut up. Tell the twat to shut up.
miyuki_m wrote:
NTA. Tell him it's your body, and you will be making the decisions regarding your medical procedure with your doctor. The fact that it's his baby too does not entitle him to control over your body.
He can either be a supportive partner to you as you go through this experience, or he can be shut out of it, and you'll still make the same decisions without him being present. Nothing he does will change your decisions.
You and your obstetrician will make the decision that's best for you and your baby.
He is along for the ride. His only choice is whether to support you and treat you with respect and be included or try to control you and be cut off.
VariousVisit8198 wrote:
When he’s the one birthing a kid, THEN he can be as vocal as he likes. Until then, he needs to zip it.
My major concern is, what else is he trying to push on you? What other boundaries will he try to cross next?
JohnRedcornMassage wrote:
NTA. It’s ultimately your decision, and the only other person whose opinion matters is your doctor, and they agreed with you. Have you asked your husband why he thinks he knows better than your medical doctor who specializes in childbirth?
Feralfaith wrote:
NTA for telling him to f-off. Honestly, it sounds like he really crossed a line by constantly pressuring you about something so personal and frankly, terrifying for you. It’s your body, your pregnancy, and your birth experience, and your husband should be supporting your decisions, especially when your doctor is also on board with a C-section for your well-being.
The fact that he can’t respect your fear and keeps bringing it up in every conversation is incredibly selfish and shows a real lack of empathy. You’re not overreacting at all to be seriously considering the state of your marriage if he can’t respect your autonomy over your own body.
While it’s understandable that you don’t want your child to grow up without a father, you also deserve to feel safe and supported by your partner, especially during pregnancy. His behavior is a huge red flag, and you need to have a serious conversation about respect and bodily autonomy, beyond just the birth plan. Don’t feel guilty for prioritizing your mental and emotional health during this time.
here_for_the_tea1 wrote:
I let people talk me out of CS and I regret it. I ended up with emergency CS after 30 traumatic hours of attempting to labor. Giving birth is the scariest thing you’ll do- it’s your choice and your doctors. F-- anyone else that has an opinion.
OP responded:
Thanks for your comment!
Glum_Membership1217 wrote:
I am exactly like you, just an overwhelming fear of childbirth also am diagnosed with panic attacks, so I knew from the beginning that I was going to have an elective c-section. My husband was completely 100% supportive, he told me he didn’t care, it was my body and to do what makes me comfortable. I got comments from my mom’s friends at my baby shower but never once from my husband or my family.
Thank god he was supportive, because I ended up having to give birth a month early due to pre-eclampsia, my parents were traveling and I only had him and my sister for support, but the birth itself was amazing. I went into the surgery at 8:00pm and I was back in my room with the baby by 9:30pm.
The recovery was heaven, I didn’t take anything stronger than Ibuprofen and Tylenol and was up and walking within 2 days. Even with a fantastic birth, I will say I still ended up with PPD/PPA. I can’t imagine how bad it would have been if I had to have a natural birth. This is long but I wanted to add, if he’s unsupportive about this, is he also going to force you to breastfeed?
I breastfed for two weeks, but had to give it up, because I had DMER which is when you feel intense levels of sadness/hopelessness/anxiety during your milk let down. I could not handle it, so switched to formula starting on week 2 and again my husband was 1000% supportive. This is not a man you want around for your pregnancy and birth.