'AITA for telling my husband that his fragile masculinity is costing us money and nobody cares what he drives.'
AITA for telling my husband his fragile masculinity is costing us money?
Practical-Drama-5549 writes:
Back in late 2021, my husband Craig (M46) and I (F44) welcomed our fourth child into the world. As a result, we needed to upgrade one of our cars to something larger. We decided to trade in my super reliable Toyota RAV4 for something bigger since I was the one who drove the kids around most often.
I was open and ready to embrace minivan life and was planning to buy something reliable and safe, like a Honda or Kia. But Craig had his heart set on an SUV; in his mind, minivans were "too feminine."
So, against my better judgment, we ended up purchasing a used 2018 Mercedes GLS 450, mainly due to his insistence. He argued that this car would offer similar space to the Kia/Honda minivans I wanted but with added luxury. Since it was priced like a loaded Honda van, we went ahead with it.
After two years, I can safely say we made the wrong choice. While the car does have good passenger space, it doesn’t seem to have as much cargo room as those minivans. The reliability has been junk. The car has had eight recalls during our ownership.
Even when not recalled, it spends too much time at the dealership because something always seems to be broken. Some repairs have been covered under warranty, but we've still shelled out over $9k (maintenance not included). The car hasn’t even racked up that many miles.
Here are just some of the annoyances: The shifting can be rough. Sometimes, I press on the gas, and the car barely moves, and when it does, it's jerky. For the past few weeks, the check engine light has been turning on randomly. Numerous electronic issues.
Since the car's problems have stepped up in the past few weeks, I'm beyond fed up. I don't feel safe driving it around with my kids, and I've even started getting nightmares about it stranding us in the middle of nowhere. Craig always downplays this and claims that it's normal for the car to have some issues.
Making things worse somehow, Craig's sedan has started developing issues lately. It has begun to refuse to start some mornings and will sometimes shut itself off when it comes to a stop sign or red light.
On Saturday, I was supposed to drive our eldest to his soccer game and then take my younger kids to the doctor's office. When I turned on the Mercedes, it sounded very rough, the engine light was on, and the temperature reading was extremely wrong. I didn't bother risking it and ended up Ubering with the kids.
I told Craig about it that night. He listened at first, but when I suggested selling it, he cut me off and said that he wasn’t getting a van just because I wanted that. It was so combative and defensive the way he said it, and because I was so tired from the day, I lashed out.
We argued, it got heated, and I ended up saying, "Your fragile masculinity is costing our family so much money." In retrospect, maybe my tone was harsh, but he was being needlessly difficult. We haven’t really spoken much since then. I'll also be Ubering to work this week since I won't be touching that car. AITA?
OP added context in the comments:
shestammie says:
I don’t get it. You’re the primary user of the proposed car and he has his own. Even if you give in and call the car “womanly” what’s his insistence that his wife - presumably a woman - doesn’t drive it?
OP responded:
We go on road-trips he usually drives, also he'll sometimes use it to take the kids to school and their other activities and he doesn't want anyone confusing him with a "soccer-mom." It sounds so childish when I write it out and read it back to myself.
Unbelievable-27 says:
If his masculinity is affected by the kind of car he drives, I think it's not the car that's the problem. He sounds desperately insecure.
Deep-Egg660 says:
Fellas is it gay to have a reliable vehicle. You have my sympathy. Good luck.
Starfoxy says:
"Your all-consuming fear of being seen in a minivan is so manly. The way you're willing to ignore my comfort, and our children's safety really gets my engine going, if you know what I mean."
What do you think?