'AITA for refusing to let my disgusting hoarder in-laws stay with us indefinitely?'
"AITA for refusing to let my mentally ill hoarder in-laws stay at my house indefinitely?"
AITA_Throwaway_66666 says:
My in-laws are in their 60s. They are hoarders and unhealthy people—not elderly. They keep saying, “Well, this is what happens when you get to be our age.” No, it doesn't. Eat healthy and take care of yourself.
They don’t cook or clean. Their house is falling apart from neglect. They neglect their own hygiene, reek of urine, and have two cats who urinate and defecate all over the house. Their doctors have passively made comments about the smell. They don’t ask for help or consider nursing homes. They seem to be mentally sound but are just gross.
In the winter of 2023, my FIL (+350 lbs) fell, and he and my MIL could not get him back up. They called the fire department (FD). The FD saw the condition of the house, called the health department, and gave them about 14 days to fix some of the issues around the house before they would be forced to leave.
The humane society came and took their two cats away (I also know they just feed their cats leftovers from the food they get delivered. IMO, they should not have pets). There is mold, cat defecation, rot, and, I suspect, human excrement throughout the house.
My wife said there were trash bags filled to the brim everywhere. They cleaned the house just enough to meet code but fell right back into old habits, and now it’s worse. FIL recently beat cancer but has wounds and infections on his legs that keep recurring. I’m not sure of the exact cause, but I’m certain their hygiene and living environment are preventing them from healing.
Today, my FIL fell again, and it was a repeat of 2023. FD was called, the health department got involved, and the humane society took the two cats away—again. They’ve done nothing to improve the house. I overheard my MIL say, “It’s only gotten worse,” over the phone while talking to my wife earlier tonight.
The health department has now marked the house with “red tape” or issued a “red flag” or something similar, meaning the house is not permitted for entry at this time, as far as I understand.
FIL’s leg infections had maggots growing on them. Yes, maggots. He was delirious from the fall and is being admitted to the hospital for a few days. It sounds like he has a minor kidney injury or something. MIL has been discharged. She does not own a cell phone, and all her belongings are still at the house, which I’m not sure they can access.
My wife is on her way to pick up my MIL and bring her back to our house. I said no. My wife and I both work from home, and while we do have the room, my wife said MIL would sleep in the guest bedroom, which doubles as my wife’s office.
I feel that, in a 14-year husband-and-wife relationship, in a house we own together, my feelings and opinions should be valid, and we should come to an agreement. My in-laws knew in 2023 that they had to do something, but they didn’t. I don’t want to be a shelter for that kind of behavior. AITA for telling my wife, “No, your MIL can’t stay here”?
Here are the top rated comments:
saintandvillian says:
NTA but I would have been more explicit. They can live here or I can live here. Because I would have to leave a partner who forced their hoarder parents, particularly ones this bad, on me.
enchylatta says:
NTA These people need a higher level of care than you are able to provide (or should have to provide). I don't know where you live, but if it is the US, call you state DSHS office and speak to someone in Adult Protective Services. This couple sounds like they are gravely disabled. You do not live in a situation like that without having mental illness.
They need to be in residential care, at least initially. Perhaps they would be able to return home with supportive services after some time. I am amazed that the fire department and hospital staff have not initiated something with social services.
AttemptNo5042 says:
NTA. Any visitors/guests must be mutually agreed upon in advance. My estranged parents aren’t allowed on our property and neither is Monster-in-Law. My husband and I have agreed on this for years. Your wife needs to put the marriage first.
Proper_Rush_9367 says:
Put your foot down and say NO. Your MIL will never leave. She will be joined by your FIL in due course. Tell your wife to get them into a care facility or pay for a hotel etc.