'My kids refuse to come to family holidays,' 'they silently left the group chat.' AITA?

"My kids won’t come to Thanksgiving or Christmas..."

I have two daughter that are both in college. We have a family group chat with my parents, all of my siblings and all the grandchildren. My parents and siblings have different political opinions than I do, and are not shy about it. Most family gatherings will devolve into arguing between them and myself.

I grew up in the sh$%show. My kids did not. After the election my kids silently left the group chat. My mother and sisters are trying to plan Thanksgiving through the chat. When my mother noticed my daughters left she called to ask me why. I told her they are grown adults and she would need to ask them.

So she did. One of my two daughters is lesbian. When my mother asked the two girls, they told my mom that they would no longer be attending any family functions including Christmas and thanksgiving. This created a sh$%show on an epic scale in the family chat.

My mother tried to explain to my kids that their political beliefs had nothing to do with them. My oldest explained that they exposed their character and they were raised to not engage with people that condone violence, lying and cheating. She told my mother that their beliefs directly impact our lives in a negative way, and you guys did not care.

You chose a politician's hollow words over you grandkids. There was more and I’m paraphrasing. My parents and siblings are furious. I think it’s important to say that I pay for both of my kids college, their health insurance, car insurance, food and gas. I pay for airfare when they come home.

They don’t work. My deal with them was if they went to school and got good grades, I would pay if I could. My mother wants me to cut them off until they come to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I said no.

I have my kids' back sand they are adults. I will not force them to make a choice they don’t want to make. My siblings are saying I'm an ahole and I’m dividing the family. I honestly never thought I’d be in this insane situation but here we are. So, AITA?

EDIT:

Good lord people. First of all. I am a father not a mother. Second, I am of course backing my children up. I have told my kids we will be flying out to them for the holidays. Third, for those of you implying I can’t or won’t cut my family off. I have. I grew up in a severely abusive household.

I cut them off when I was younger and went away to the military. I thought when I got older I would be the bigger person and give my family mother chance. That was obviously not the right move. I am backing my kids up and cutting the toxic family off. As for those of you implying that my kids are “entitled brats” or anything similar. Shame on you. You’re judging my children based on this post.

You don’t know anything about the two grown women in question. Your knee jerk reaction is to immediately jump to name calling and shunning. I guess that is not surprising based on who these comments are coming from. Educated women with opinions of their own and the ability to stand up for what they think is right is incredibly infuriating and scary to the same sort of people.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Curbsnugglin said:

The fact your mother wants to financially coerce your kids to come endure their abuse is extremely telling. NTA, great job standing up for your kids.

mh6797 said:

NTA but you should plan on meeting up with your kids and celebrate with them.

Grateful_Grateful said:

NTA. You’re not even the one who’s not coming, and it’s completely unreasonable for your parents and sister to call you an asshole for “not cutting them off if they won’t come to thanksgiving.” I’m sorry this is happening, it’s awful but please know you are in no way being an ahole.

shammy_dammy said:

NTA. Time for you to start putting your family on a contact time out. Don't do holidays with them this year.

teresajs said:

NTA. Regardless of everything else, no one is ever obligated to attend any holiday gathering. Your mother is absolutely wrong to tell you to use your money to compel your kids to attend.

Have you considered staying home with your kids and celebrating with them instead of your extended family? It's not as it's fun for you to get yelled at by them every holiday.

SecretaryPresent16 said:

NTA. Your kids are grown and they should not be forced to attend family events if they don’t want to. I think you are right for supporting their decision one way or the other. It is your choice and your business to financially support them as well. Your mom and sisters don’t get a say in that.

[deleted] said:

NTA. Side with your kids. They deserve you. The other people made their choice, time to face consequences.

ExcellentCold7354 said:

NTA. The audacity of your mother to think that she can tell you to cut off your own children is astounding. Actions have consequences, that's all. Also, if they care so much about you and your kids, they should try for civility instead. Who wants to go to family events where they'll be attacked and lectured? No thanks.