'My future MIL called me stupid and now I’m considering calling off the wedding.' UPDATED

"My future MIL (54F) called me (23F) stupid and now I’m considering calling off the wedding. What do I do?"

Okay, this is going to sound crazy, believe me I know it is. That's why I am asking for advice. So my husband and I have been married a little less than a year and together for 7 years.

His mother is pretty insane, she is a hoarder, extremely needy towards her son, a liar and willing to do anything to make any situation full of drama and about her. I really do not know where to begin with this.

My husband's mother has always been...off. So we have kept her at arms length in our lives for that very reason. She is a hoarder, always trying to get money out of people and play the woe is me card to get sympathy. Well this morning she called my husband and has been talking about opening up a life insurance policy on him for about 1 million dollars.

She wants to pay into this 100% and be the sole beneficiary to the policy. Now my husband is an extremely healthy man, and his mother is not. She is overweight, has diabetes and does not take any medication for it or attempted to improve her lifestyle for it. She is not anyway dependent on us or even lives near us. (she is about a 3 hour drive away and she lives with her mother)

My husband found the entire thing extremely amusing, but it has me extremely uneasy! She knows his social and information, I'm sure if she wanted to she could easily do this. But the thing that rubs me the wrong way is she keeps saying "I want to make sure I am financially set when you die."

She says nothing about the family he is creating or anything, she just wants to make sure she can take care of herself with all that money when he's dead. (Like it is a for sure thing he is going to be dead rather soon so she can bank in on it).

She told him "Make sure you don't tell your wife...you know how people get when they find out you have a hefty life insurance policy. You wouldn't want her to try and m*#der you" (SERIOUSLY WTF!?!?) I really don't know what to do! I have tried explaining we need to go no-contact to my husband but he keeps saying I shouldn't worry because there isn't anything she can do.

He said just ignore it and she'll find another get rich quick scheme. I guess I'm just looking for advice on what I can do? I mean- can she do that? Should we allow it? What do you guys think? We also plan on getting our own health insurance for each other in case anything happens to us so our kids will be okay (when we have children).

Here's what people had to say to OP:

myopinionisvalid wrote:

I fear for him, but I watch alot of the ID Channel.

raptorsinthekitchen wrote:

My first thought when I read this was, "Hope you enjoy getting interrogated when he turns up dead." LOL!

OP responded:

RIGHT?! I watch so many of those types of shows and my husband is saying I'm just paranoid.

belladonnadiorama wrote:

Maybe your husband should watch those shows with you so he can get that it isn't exactly rare for something to happen to someone once an insurance policy is out. Even with mothers. I watch them from time to time on Sundays too so I totally get what you're saying.

OP responded:

When he gets home from work tonight I think I am going to show him this thread, so he sees I am not just being a paranoid wife.

belladonnadiorama responded:

You should. Plus, remind him that those shows on ID are true crime stories. They actually did happen, even if you're seeing a cheesy re-enactment. Forensic files, same thing. I can't tell you how many of those episodes had to deal with a spouse or other loved one getting m*^%ered because the other person wanted the life insurance. Seems like it was every other show.

hazeldazeI wrote:

I was just gonna post this - it's absolutely what she's planning if she has a shady money history. Pay it for a few months then borrow against it big-time and then hey, no biggie the company can have the money whenever OP's husband finally dies. It's all good!

OP responded:

This makes a LOT of sense. I am going to bring this up to my husband. This is something I could see her easily doing.

cari19 wrote:

A million dollar policy would be very expensive. Can she afford that? To get a policy like that I'm pretty sure the insurance company would require your husband to go through a physical exam. He could just refuse.

OP responded:

I don't think she could afford it and keep up with the payments honestly. She does have a full time job, but she is a hoarder and is horrible with money. She keeps telling him that she wants to "invest in his life insurance because it will make her financially stable when he dies" (He is only 27 and is very healthy. This is what is extremely bothersome about the situation.)

chase303taco wrote:

You all should not talk to this crazy lady that's messed up the only one that showed be on any life insurance policy is you the wife and offspring or anyone he sees fit to benefit from his death.

OP responded:

That's what I thought! She can't open a life insurance policy on him without his permission right?

ImadeCONSENSION wrote:

If she is this nuts and has his ss number you might want to lock down his credit in case she decides to use it to get credit in his name...

OP responded:

We have all his credit locked down and keep a VERY close eye on it. (Which she knows) so nothing has ever happened to his credit.

felinestudies wrote:

Has anyone straight up asked her what makes her think her perfectly healthy son is going to die before her?

OP responded:

Yes. She doesn't believe she will die before him.

swearinerin wrote:

I think there are three possibilities for that here:

A) She's crazy and believes that she is immortal and won't die, I've known people like this when they start to get dementia they start to believe they are immortal.

B) Is he involved in any 'risky' sports? Rock climbing? Motorcycle riding? Shark diving? If so that's a possibility.

C) She's planning on m*%$ering him.

Four days later, OP jumped on with an update:

So I am back with an update. Well today while I was out with my husband running errands his mother continued to call him and text him (he has been ignoring her since the issue of her trying to get him to allow her to take out a million dollar life insurance policy on him. One of her texts finally got him to call her which was her telling him she had been in a car accident over the weekend.

So he calls her and she tells him about how she "supposedly" Fell asleep at the wheel of her car and hit a cement median ruining the passenger door and side of the car; and she ends up trying to request that he puts her car on his insurance (as his car now) and give her permission to drive it so that she does not have to pay the increased insurance prices that her insurance is charging her now. (wtf right?).

Well when he tells her he is not going to be doing that they started to get into a heated argument and she brings up the life insurance policy again. Well in the mist of it (as some of you had predicted) He called her out, saying "I bet you are just planning on taking out a loan on the health insurance so you can get rich quick"

And SHE ADMITTED TO IT! She told him that was her plan on all along! She was going to take out the life insurance policy, pay it for a few months until she could take out a large loan against it and then stop paying! My jaw just dropped when she proudly admitted to it. Well, My husband told her off; and now we are going no contact.

He is extremely angry and has basically said she has ruined any relationship they could have possibly had with one another. I am honestly, very sad for my husband. I know it must be hard having a mother who cares only about herself, but luckily he does have his father and step-mother who have been very loving and supportive through this horrible situation.

I just thought I should update you all since a lot of you predicted this is what is going to happen! Thank you everyone for your advice! My husband and I plan on taking out life insurance policies on each other as we move forward from this and will be going no contact with his mother from now on.

The internet was glad to hear an update.

teardrop87 wrote:

Wow. I suppose the loan is better than plotting his m*#der. That still sucks though. Take some time to grieve for the relationship that could have been, then carry on enjoying life.

OP responded:

Yeah, I can tell it really hurt my husband yesterday. I tried talking to him about it but he ended up calling his father before he went to sleep and just talked to him about the situation. My heart really hurts for him right now.

[deleted] wrote:

Keep a close eye on your credit, she may decide to try and take stuff out in your name and you never know what she may know.

OP responded:

Yes! We have been keeping an eye on it since this situation started and we plan on continuing that.

x-l-v 29 wrote:

I genuinely thought she was planning to m*#@er your husband.

OP responded:

Believe me! So did I!

terrapharma wrote:

That is so sad that she is capable of such behavior. Thanks for the update.

OP responded:

Yeah, I know. My mom and I are so close and I can not imagine her doing something like this where we would go no contact. Luckily my husband still has his father and step mom.

Brmble wrote:

For those wondering, this is an incredibly dumb idea. First off, it doesn't really affect OP's husband, his credit is never at stake or anything. But this is why her scheme is pointless and makes no sense:

She would never find an insurance company willing to write a policy for an adult son who does not financially support her for any amount of money beyond funeral expenses (huge maybe, even there).

The types of life insurance that allow you to take loans against it (whole or universal life) only allow you to borrow against the cash value you have already invested. You don't get a million dollars unless you paid a million dollars into it. Most companies make you wait 10 years to take out a loan anyway. So much for get rich quick.

While OP's husband was never in financial danger himself over his mother's stupid plan, there is value nonetheless in cutting off such a wheedling, manipulative, selfish person. It's like being related to an aggressive panhandler.