Bride reflects on MIL’s decision to wear white gown to wedding, questions whether it was a mistake or calculated move. AITA?
"My MIL wore white to my wedding."
My MIL has sadly never really liked me. To keep it short - she told me that I wasn't good enough for her son, and we've had a pretty limited relationship since then. We smile through dinners every few months, etc.
At our wedding, she wore a white ballgown dress. There was a baby pink flower pattern up the left side of the skirt that was about 3 inches thick.
We did a father/daughter and mother/son dance at the same time, so all 4 of us were on the dance floor. In those photos (and a lot of other photos) the flower pattern isn't even visible, and it looks like she's in an entirely white dress.
For some context, our dress code on our website stated "ladies, no white please!" - It was just a copy-paste of a suggested dress code that we got online, we didn't think much of it. We didn't "outfit check" anyone before the wedding, or asked to. (I know some people do this, so just wanted to be clear)
But about a week before the wedding, my MIL approached my husband with a swatch of her dress. Completely unprompted by us.
(*NOTE - I was at this group dinner with her, and she pulled him aside when I was in the washroom to ask)
She said it was a pink dress with a flower pattern and wanted to check if it was okay to wear. My husband told me the swatch she brought was only of the flower pattern and he approved it thinking the dress would be covered in that pattern.
The day of, I had all of my bridesmaids and a few guests mention how white it was - but I just shrugged it off as at that moment I did not care. Literally nothing could have made me care about anything other than my husband.
However, looking back on the photos now it's wild. I even quickly colour-swatched the dress on Canva to try and test her pink claim and it's coming up as nearly identical to my dress. I want my brain to tell me it's not my big deal, but it's starting to bother me.
I think showing my husband a swatch that wasn't a representation of the true dress was weird. Telling him it was pink when it was clearly white is also weird. - and my gut tells me it was because if we ever mentioned it to her she would say "but my son approved it." - I obviously don't know this for a fact, but just a hunch. What do you think?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Find out her least favorite color and have your photographer photoshop her dress to it in all pictures. "The dress code said no white, what did you think we would do?" If you're less petty, have the dress changed to pink in all photos since that's the color she claimed the dress was going to be.
I would have your DH handle it. Have your DH tell her how embarrassed he was by her wearing white to his wedding. That it looked like he was marrying his mom, and that every time he shows someone his wedding pictures, people point out how weird, wrong, and desperate it is that she wore a white dress.
I’m sure your guests were appalled at your MIL’s main character syndrome. Personally, I would lean into this. 😈 Share photos of your MIL in her white dress on social media. Let others formulate their own opinion. For your personal photos, ask the photographer to change the colour of MIL’s dress to pink.
Photoshop her completely out the photos and post them. Quote it - Id like to thank every single person in these photos for loving and supporting us at our wedding and in our marriage. You all made me feel so beautiful and loved. I couldn't imagine my life without any of you standing by our side.
Ask your photog to change the color of her dress to a medium toned pink. Or just own your petty and pick a color you or she hate. I had my MIL’s dress darkened to a dookie brown color, which has plausible deniability with mentions of lighting and white balance, etc.
My MIL wore a gold dress to my wedding, knowing that my dress was gold. Untraditional, but that’s what I wanted, and the church didn’t care. She actually asked me what color to wear, and I told her any shade of pink, since my bridal party and mom were all in pink.
Not only did she wear the same color, she wore the same dress she wore to her other son’s wedding 5 years prior. Which, culturally was a big no for my family, which she knew. 🤷🏼♀️
Ask the photographer to tint her dress pink. Otherwise, it's past and leave it there. I hope DH is in your corner and will no longer approve anything from MiL unless you are present.
I'm sure this is a mildly insane response but I think you should have a professional photoshop any great pictures that contain her so the dress is pink. If you're feeling really vindictive, make it a hideous 80s-baby-blanket pink. Distribute the pictures widely. Hang one prominently in your house. Frame one and gift it to your nightmare of a MIL.
If and when anyone asks and even if she asks, innocently proclaim that MIL's pink dress didn't photograph as such and you had it corrected for MIL's sake. She went so far as to okay the pink dress so you're just protecting her from the shame of appearing in the photos as if she would disrespect your clearly stated wishes.
Honestly, how embarrassing for your MIL wearing a white ballgown to her son’s wedding like she’s some kind of debutant. She made a statement at your wedding and I’m sure plenty of eyebrows were raised at her audacity.