'AITA for walking out of my mom's birthday because she is obsessed with my half-siblings?'

"AITA for leaving my mom on her birthday because she wouldn't stop talking about my half siblings?"

Alone_Leader3908 writes:

My mom turned 60 last week, and I took her out to dinner to celebrate. It was her, me (21f), my girlfriend (22f), and my mom's best friend. I also spent most of that day with her, and we went shopping, etc.

During dinner, she talked about how my half-siblings should have come. I told her she had the option to invite them if she wanted them there, but I couldn't and wouldn't make contact with them. Couldn't, because I have no contact info for them, and we are not social media friends. Wouldn't, because they have been very clear they want no contact with me.

To explain why: My mom was happily married to my half-siblings' dad, and they were a happy family. Then he died. My half-siblings were 12 and under at the time. Mom ended up in a cycle of quick marriages that ended just as fast, and almost 5 years later, I was born from one of the failed marriages.

My half-siblings didn't see me as a sibling or as a member of their family. They view me, have always viewed me, as an accident. As someone who should never have existed. They did not want me to exist.

They did not want another reminder that their dad was gone and mom was throwing herself at all kinds of men. They wanted a neater family, where all the siblings had the same two parents. Me sharing only mom was less neat, it was more complicated. I didn't have much to do with the oldest. He stopped coming around once the other two moved out of the house. But before that, he'd come, and he ignored me. I got used to it.

The other two were close to each other, and because of the age gap too, I was the outsider. It was rough being on the outside when I was small. And mom was never very stable or steady.

According to mom's best friend, the death of her husband was always going to be the death of the woman and mom she was. She loved him, and she found she never loved or found happiness after him. Each new husband was a distraction at best.

The contact with my half-siblings lessened so much over time. They are not very close to mom either. But they check in on her from time to time. They speak to her occasionally. They send cards and stuff for birthdays and Christmas, for her though and not me. I attempted to make contact when I moved out by sending a follow request on social media, but they never accepted. That was it.

So back to the birthday dinner. I had told mom ahead of time, and told her if she wanted my half-siblings there, she'd need to invite them herself. She didn't. Then during dinner, she kept saying how I should reach out, how we should be close, I should have invited them, and all kinds of stuff like that. I told her they wanted nothing to do with me, and could she please drop it.

She kept pushing, especially on the topic of my relationship with them. We all tried to change the subject. When she wouldn't let it go, my girlfriend and I left early, without finishing, because I was done. My mom was crying down the phone to me the next day and the day after that, asking how I could leave her. AITA?

OP added context in the comments:

diminishingpatience says:

She repeatedly harassed you when told her not to. Instead of enjoying what you were doing for her, she decided to make it about something else.

OP responded:

That's not entirely uncommon. Not the harassment bit. But it wouldn't be the first time she wished my half siblings were present when I have done something for her.

Scenarioing says:

Is there a a chance she bugs your half siblings too and that is why contact is minimal? Not that it would change anything. Just curious if she is an equal opportunity harasser.

OP responds:

No, I don't think so. I think she loves them too much to pester them like that. I think the biggest driving force of the low contact is they don't want to be around me or remember I exist and since I lived at home longer they didn't want to risk that they might have to hear me or talk to me.

NapAxolotl says:

NTA. She wasn't just "talking about" your half-siblings. She was repeatedly pressuring you, to try to get you to pressure your half-siblings into a connection. They've been clear that they don't want that, so she's welcome to talk to them about it, but she needs to stop pushing you.

You didn't walk out when she started on it again. It took several times of trying to change the subject and get her to leave off the pressure. (Also, it sounds like you didn't even leave her alone, she was still with her best friend!) Maybe she'll learn from this, but it sounds like probably not. I'm sorry. I hope you can make your own happy family going forward.

OP responded:

I don't think she will. But I'm not sure she really wants to learn from it either. As much as I try to be a good daughter, I don't think I was ever loved by her or at least not like she loves her first three children who are the children of the man she loves. Yes, she was still with her best friend and I paid for everything still so her best friend wouldn't have to.

What do you think?