'AITA saying I'll never forgive my mom if she doesn't take me on a bday trip?'
"AITA for telling my mom I won't ever forgive her if she breaks her promise?"
Ill_Stop9339 writes:
I (17f) am my mom's oldest kid and there has been a lot of upheaval since she and my dad broke up when I was 1. She started dating her husband when I was 3 and she got pregnant fast, then they broke up.
One of my half sisters was born while they were broken up. They had a brief period of getting back together and conceived one of my half brothers before breaking up again. I was 8 by the time they got back together for real, and I was 11 when they got married.
After they got married, things settled and my mom started doing these 1:1 things with each of my half siblings, but she had excuses for not doing them with me. So for "big" birthdays, which is like 5, 10, 13, 16, and 18, she has talked about these 1:1 weekend trips to celebrate.
She will do 1:1 spa trips with my half sisters. She will take the boys to an indoor sports place for the day. Sometimes she will take them for an overnight stay in a hotel that has a huge pool and water slide. Those are not for any special reason.
My mom mostly takes me to run errands for 1:1 time with me. It is never fun, and my mom gets frustrated when I do not know everything she wants. But my mom gets different stuff every week.
When I was 15, I told my mom I felt like she favored my half siblings, and I asked if she cared more about having a good relationship with them because she loved their dad and hated mine. She told me it was not true and asked where I got the idea from.
I told her she made a big deal out of birthdays and making them a priority and 1:1 time, but she does not do the same for me. I told her the birthday thing started before I turned 13, but we did not go away for a weekend. I told her she never takes me to the hotel overnight so we can swim and use the water slide together.
My mom told me we would do the trip for my 16th birthday, and she promised she would stop making me feel less important. But then she was really sick on my actual 16th birthday and we did not get to go.
Then her husband's mom died and they had to spend a lot of money on the funeral, so she told me we would have to delay it, but she promised me she would make sure my delayed 16th birthday trip was the next trip to happen and she would not do one with my half siblings until then.
And she had stuck to it, but my half sister is turning 13 soon and Mom started talking to her about where they should go. I brought it up to Mom and she looked startled. She said making up my 16th birthday was taking longer than planned, but it would happen, and maybe we could do an extra special one for my 18th instead.
I asked her if that would be 1:1 and she said if she goes bigger, it would need to include everyone. I told her I did not want that. I said I want the two trips the others would get in my shoes, and I told her if she takes my half sister before making it up to me, then I will never forgive her. I told her I will never believe that she does not prefer them.
She said I was being unreasonable and compromises need to happen. I asked why she asked me to compromise and not them. I asked why she even kept me if I am such a burden. She got mad and told me she never said or implied anything like that.
She said I was looking to see the worst in her. Then she told me she felt like I should hold it against her and my half siblings less, and it would be reasonable to think I would not want to punish them for her not being able to make it up to me yet. I told her I did not care if they were disappointed at having to wait.
That I was still waiting for one damn thing and hoping she would not break another promise. I told her I was dumb to ever believe her because she is a liar and she clearly prefers them. She started yelling, but I walked away from her and we have not talked since. Am I the a^#&ole?
Here are the top rated comments.
Snowprincess207 says:
NTA! It is clear she favors your half siblings and will not admit it! I’m sorry to tell you but your mom has absolutely no intention of making up anything for you! When you turn 18, go no contact with her if you can! If she calls you guilt tripping you for leaving or asking for money/babysit, block her! She only sees you as a convenience!
On a side note, do you physically look like your dad? If yes there’s a chance she resents you as you remind her of him. How was the relationship dynamic between him and your mom? Was there cheating involved? Do you know the reason why they broke up? Where is your dad today?
Eastern_Condition863 says:
NTA, but you mother is majorly. Despite what she says, she is favoring them over you. Not sure why she's so shocked when you point it out to her. It's hard not to see the worst in her when that's all she's showing you. Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, to stay with for a while? It sounds like you need some space from her. You were right to call her a liar, because that's what she is.
Severe_Tear_6544 says:
NTA I also go through the same shit with my mother she too promised to throw a birthday party when I turn 16 but it never happened. What I am saying is she is always gonna be like that no matter how many times you speak to her about the imbalances she will never love you and treat you the way you deserve.
The best solution is to just let it go and focus on your school studies and be the best version of yourself you wanna be and finally be able to do for yourself the things your mom never did.
BrainySmurf says:
When she gets mad at you for pointing out the truth she shows you that she is favoring them and doesn't plan to stop. My advice is to keep those grades up, make plans for when you are 18 and focus on yourself and your future. You've said what you had to say and now it's on her but please please don't allow yourself to get your hopes up. NTA.