'My postpartum wife broke my late sister’s watch. AITA for considering divorce?'
"My postpartum wife broke my late sister’s watch. AITA for considering divorce?"
My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been married for 6 years. My wife gave birth to a baby boy 4 months ago, and she was recently diagnosed with PPD and is currently on medication. These past few months, my wife has shown momentary bouts of anger where she lashes out. These bouts of anger are usually temporary, and even though they are extremely fierce, I understand it’s a symptom of PPD and sympathize with what my wife's going through.
A couple of days ago, I had gone out to get groceries, but I had to forgotten to get onions, which my wife had repeatedly reminded me to get. I will admit it was my fault, and there were a lot of items to get, I should have probably written it down in a note so as not to forget any item. When I came back home and my wife asked for onions, I apologized and said I had forgotten, and that I would drive back to the store to get them if she wanted me to.
However my wife completely lost her cool, and started lashing out at me again. She was really angry, and grabbed an item from the counter without looking at what the item was and threw it at the floor. However I knew what the item was but I was too late before my wife threw it on the floor and broke it. It was my late sister's watch.
My sister passed away a couple of years ago of cancer and it was the toughest thing I ever had to go through in my life. She gave me the watch as a memento to keep. I had gotten this watch for her on her birthday many years ago, but she got it engraved with our names. It meant a lot to me.
So when my wife broke the watch and shattered it, I felt a bit numb. My wife immediately apologized multiple times, and was sobbing really heavily. I told my wife it’s not her fault, and that it’s alright, because I wanted to calm her down. But I internally felt devastated. That was the moment where for the first time ever I questioned if I loved my wife anymore.
I don’t plan on doing anything drastic for the next few months, because my wife is already going through PPD and I don’t want to add additional stress on top of it. But after a year or so, I am seriously considering the possibility of a divorce, because I really am not sure if I love my wife anymore. AITA for considering divorce?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
sherwoma said:
NTA. It is not okay for her to react this way. Period. This is exceptionally inappropriate and dangerous behavior. Signed, a mom who’s had ppd.
Ordinary_Cookie_6735 said:
NTA- It’s understandable why this was excruciating to you, and it sounds like the way you handled it both with your wife and in not making any immediate decisions shows a lot of care and maturity.
I agree with other commenters that you should seek individual therapy for yourself now, and also consider a support group/therapy around grief or for partners of parents with PPD (or both). Both situations are enough for anyone to struggle with, and having compromised sleep etc from having a new born can make situations even harder to cope with for you as well. You deserve support also now- even if you intend to divorce her later on.
However, I do think that you also should ask your wife to call her doctor who is prescribing the medication about these rage incidents and to raise the question to her provider of if she may need a higher level of care, like a day program (also known as a partial hospitalization program) to have the treatment she needs to get back on track for your whole family’s well being.
And that at a minimum if she is is not going to be doing any intensive treatment program that she may need more frequent medication management appointments and to ask that she also begins seeing a therapist to gain more coping skills and have more support navigating this difficult time for her as well too. I’m so sorry for your loss, and sorry also for the watch being broken.
threadsoffate2021 said:
NTA - PPD does affect moods, but it does NOT force someone to willfully break things. Don't let her use PPD is a cover for her own nastiness.
elwood_911 said:
You have a four month old son and you are rethinking your commitment to your wife because of how she is acting while suffering from PPD. To make a life changing decision and break up your son's family at a time like this would be indicative of a serious flaw in you. I say this as a father of three kids whose wife also suffered from PPD.
If you can't take 4 months of trying times immediately after bringing a child into the world without deciding the whole thing isn't for you, then you were never cut out to be a father in the first place. No shit having an infant is hard and living with and supporting someone going through PPD is hard. Life is hard. You are supposed to want to do it for your family.
Now, to THINK about wanting to leave your wife at a time like this is completely normal. You haven't done anything wrong. If things are still bad in a year and you started feeling more and more like you needed to leave, you might not be doing anything wrong. But if you blow up your new family before your son can even walk or talk because your wife is mean when suffering from a diagnosed condition that makes people mean, YTA.
emorrigan said:
I’m concerned for your little family… your wife needs help. Getting into a rage and throwing things is unacceptable, and the fact that she’s losing control like that is concerning. Please insist that she gets help. This is eventually going to scar your baby- either literally or figuratively. Insist on getting help.
NovaPrime1988 said:
I do not like how close to severe anger your wife gets. PPD is godawful but NO ONE should be being abused. That is a hill I’m willing to die on. NTA.