When woman's infidelity is uncovered, sister struggles between silence and family loyalty. AITA?
"My sister is blowing up my phone trying to keep my mouth shut."
Healthy_External_987
I (26 female) just witnessed my sister (32 female) destroy her family and marriage and now she is blowing up my phone to keep me quiet. A bit of context, growing we were never too close, due to an age gap and a messy divorce when I was 10 and she was 16.
Our dad cheated on our mom and we were the ones to find out when we came home early from school. I wanted to tell our mom but my sister begged me not to. I remember telling mom like it was yesterday and how my sister never really forgave me.
After the divorce our lives blew up, we moved a couple cities away with our mom and had to start brand new. It was especially hard for my sister because she had to leave all her friends right before senior year.
As we’ve aged she has slowly gotten over it, she even asked me to be a bridesmaid (which obviously I said yes to). My brother in law is the epitome of golden retriever boy.
He is very nice and caring but doesn’t have a lot going on in his head. He works a 9 to 5 job while my sister stays home. A couple months ago my sister was in a really low place, saying she was bored and unhappy with her relationship, now she is as happy as ever chalking it up to be seasonal depression.
I was in the city for work this week, where my sister lives and thought I should visit her. I decided to surprise her with a sister brunch. When I got to her house, I saw a truck in the driveway which was not BIL's but though nothing of it since she has had a lot of construction recently.
The door was unlocked and I don’t even want to describe what I walked in on but. My sister was scrambling to find something to cover up while a random man just stared at me in shock NAKED.
I already felt the tears streaming down my face as I turned around and walked out the door. My sister has been calling and texting me non stop begging me to talk to her.
I don’t know who she is at this point. I thought I that our dad cheating taught her how infidelity can ruin people’s lives. I can’t support her and am disgusted with what she has done. I am crying in my car and don’t know what to do, please help me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
PMKN_spc_Hotte
NTA but im going to let you know that her blaming you for the first divorce means she is definitely going to blame you for the end of her relationship; you say she should have learned that cheating ruins peoples’ lives, but to her you ruin peoples lives. This is obvious nonsense, but then, people are nonsensical.
anonymongus1234
Ooof you are probably right. Narcissistic logic.
Bubbly-Client-8048
I think your sister is an a*hole for putting you in this position and telling the husband is a completely justified thing to do.
CocoaAlmondsRock
Tell your BIL, but be prepared for him to not believe you, for your sister to lie and say you're doing this out of spite, or for them to reconcile and block YOU. Your relationship with your sister is probably over no matter what choice you make. Gotta say, it doesn't seem like much of a loss. She's clearly a selfish person.
Why don't you discuss it with your mom? She can give you advice about what to say to your BIL and support you no matter what. And she should know about the selfish monster she raised.
Dresden_Mouse
Do it before there are children involved, she will keep doing it.
IndividualRow830
Imagine you're working 9-5 to provide everything for your husband while he stays at home. You walk in on him bending another girl over. How would that make you feel?
Top_Airport6285
Tell her husband. He deserves to know. It's the morally correct thing to do.
Bucky-Katt-Guitar
Tell the husband NOW before she can put her own spin on this situation. NTA.
Odd-Wheel5315
Best advice I can give. Your sis is an AH. But she's your sis. Give her the chance to do the honorable thing. Answer her call, tell her you know what she was doing, that you're disappointed in her.
That her husband is so nice to her and you don't understand how she could hurt him like this, especially given you both saw how much being cheated on hurt your mom.
And that she needs to confess to her husband and explain what is going on. Emphasis that he should hear it from you, implying he'll be hearing it one way or the other.
Give her a day to figure out how to break the news in private. Reach out to BIL afterwards, to apologize for sis's behavior and to let him know you think he's been a wonderful BIL. If he doesn't understand why you're calling because sis hasn't confessed, meet with him in person and break the news.
And be honest about what you know and what you did; you didn't know anything was going on, you caught them, and you advocated for her telling him the truth. This is a must.
Whether or not he can forgive her is up to him, but I can all but guarantee that if finds out you and your family knew and were willing to hide the truth for sis, it will ruin the relationship for sure.
Sis already has lost his trust, don't let him lose trust in your whole family or there will be nothing in the relationship to salvage. Better for the relationship to fall apart now, than for the secret to come to light after they've got kids and have him realize all of his in-laws think of him as a buffoonish dog that didn't deserve to know his wife was banging construction workers since way back when.