'AITA for being upset my sisters kept my daughter's pregnancy a secret from me?'

"AITA for being upset my sisters kept my daughter's pregnancy a secret from me?"

I came across this while on my quest to find answers as to why my oldest daughter behaves this way and feels the need to hurt her mother so deeply. My daughter and I have always had a complicated relationship ever since she was a child, she was often strong-willed, overly confident and was frequently in trouble with her teachers for being too social during class.

We often had to teach her manners and reinforce good behaviour while making sure she didn't grow up to be too arrogant. She has always suffered with mental health issues and has convinced herself of things that never actually happened.

When she married her husband and got pregnant with her first child she suddenly told me she didn't want me visiting her anymore, I told her she had broken my heart and I'll give her what she wants then which is space.

When my grandchild was born, I found out and tried to initiate a relationship with my grandchild but she always prevented it and kept them from me. She would send me elaborate posts claiming how abusive I was to her that bordered on dramatic and delusional. She never wanted to be a mother I believe and that's why she doesn't want me to know my grandchildren.

After repeated letters and e-mails to my daughter, she kept ignoring me to hurt me. My heart is constantly broken but I don't want her to think I'm not trying. It's been six years since she's spoke with me but friends and family usually updated me on how she is doing. I found out through my ex husband that my daughter is pregnant again.

I was deeply hurt by this, as my sisters and mother were all aware yet I wasn't told until after she has already gave birth to my grandson. I told my sisters that I am deeply hurt that they contributed to hurting me and participating in activities designed to hurt me.

I told them that they should have told my daughter that they wouldn't keep her pregnancy a secret and exclude her mother since they would hopefully say that they love. One of my sister's told me I was some hurtful names and blocked me, while my other sister just ignored me. I told them both that I need to have boundaries then and not let people in my life who do things to hurt me.

My mother told me some more hurtful things, and that I am in the wrong. I don't think I am, and I genuinely don't understand where all this animosity towards me for just being a loving mother who tried her best came from.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say, and they did not hold back:

WhoFearsDeath said:

YTA. Here’s the thing. To all of us, this reads like a troll post, because you are so obviously the AH here. Even when you’ve done your best to sound like a normal person, we can all see straight through it to the insanity. I highly suggest you (or anyone with estranged parents) check out The “Missing” missing reasons .

Quantum_P@ssy said:

YTA. Sorry but I don't believe a word you are saying. Your family are keeping you apart from your grandchildren because you were abusive to your own daughter.

hartleas said:

YTA. "My daughter and I have always had a complicated relationship ever since she was a child, she was often strong-willed, overly confident and was frequently in trouble with her teachers for being too social during class. We often had to teach her manners and reinforce good behaviour while making sure she didn't grow up to be too arrogant."

What exactly did you do to "teach her manners" or "reinforce good behavior?" I am not accusing you of anything, but this sounds very similar to how I have seen some abusive parents justify their behavior to their children. Additionally, your daughter also made her boundaries very clear, and whether or not you like it or feel you deserve it, you definitely ignored them.

I am also concerned that seemingly every single adult in your daughter's life is supporting her in this, and is either ignoring you or actively hostile to you. Generally, if every single person in my family tells me I'm being an asshole, I probably am, in fact, being an a$$hole.

CyberAceKina said:

The fact that you're not elaborating, gloss over her mental health, and this entire post has more me's in it than a Nintendo Wii game is a glaring red flag that YTA. Your grandkids life is about THEM. Not about YOU. Seriously this thing reads like an entitled parent post...

And [deleted] said:

Yikes, you sure use the words "to hurt me" a lot. Do you really think the world is revolving around you and people live just to hurt you ? From what I see from your post, you were a toxic mom, and your daughter is trying to get away from you to protect herself, not to hurt you. The fact that you continue to think that she is doing this on purpose just so she can hurt you is totally delusionnal.

YTA. None of this is about you. No one has to reveal secrets to you. They don't owe you anything. They clearly want you out of their lives, why do you keep on harassing them ?

In the comments, she added:

Children don't understand anything. I tried my best as a mother but it was never good enough... All I have ever done is love her and she has broken my heart over and over.

She really needs to let it all go and focus on the positives in life. Her dad and I have never gotten along because he was legitimately abusive and he told me they still talk to each other. He also contributed to her unfound hatred of me. I just want to be a part of my grandbabys lives.