'My son’s GF had me thrown out of the hospital because she claims I was overstepping. AITA?'

"My son’s GF had me thrown out of the hospital. AITA?"

My son has a congenital heart condition. I didn’t know when he was born, but at 9 days old, he had his first open heart surgery with a valve replacement. Over the years he has many different surgeries and recently had his 4th aortic valve replacement due to a bacterial infection and truly almost passed. He’s 29 and doing great now 🙏

He has a gf with whom he has lived with for 4 years now and this was the very first time she had been in this situation so I understand that it is very scary! Because of the circumstances she & I stayed in a hotel for a few nights together. She paid for most of it in fact! One day I asked my son if he wanted me to leave and let him & his gf have some days to themselves and I'd go back home and see him in a few days.

All good and I go back home. We text and talk everyday and I visit on the days he asked me to come down. Surgery is scheduled and I know that he wants his gf to be the last person he sees so I’m not even there when he goes in for surgery. Due to the bad infection and the damage to his heart valve, the surgeon calls me, as his next of kin and asks for permission for many things to which I agree.

One was an induced coma. I call his gf and explain all of it to her. I rush to the hospital, sign all the consent papers & sit with my son who’s on a breathing machine in a coma. His gf had plans with her family that day and when he was wheeled into surgery I told him I would call her and tell her he loves her & I do. AITA?

Because 8 hours later I see his gf in the family waiting room and she starts screaming that I’m a psycho, call security!!! As calm as I can be I say “GF, he can have 5 wives but he only has one mother,” and I walked out. Next day, idk what she told my son, less than 12 hours after all that, but I am no longer his next of kin or even allowed at the hospital anymore having been told in a text. AITA?

I didn’t fight about it, didn’t go back, nothing. Now they’re in counseling (no shame in that imo )and my son sent me a text saying that his life is off the rails bc I hate his gf, I’m a psycho, & I lied about what happened in the family waiting room!

AITA? Facts be facts is all I am saying & I know the gf must have been scared but there’s no ring 💍 I say it once more AITA bc I said that my son could have 5 wives but only has one Mom?

The internet had a lot of opinions on the matter.

NanaLeonie wrote:

Life Pro Tip to unmarried couples : If you don’t want your mama instead of your [unmarried] life partner making emergency medical decisions for you as next of kin, for the sake of Pete, get the appropriate paperwork in place.

PhilosophicalHorror wrote:

There’s some history with her you’re not disclosing so I don’t feel this can be judged.

BluffCityTatter wrote:

What happened during those 8 hours? Your story has some gaps in it. You go from you calling the girlfriend as the son is wheeled into surgery to her accusing you of calling security on her 8 hours later.

You don't even describe what led to you calling security on her. I'm guessing it doesn't make you look good, which is why you left it out. Also your title says you were thrown out of the hospital. Why?

BasicRabbit4 wrote:

There's something missing from this story. You don't go from sharing a hotel room with your partner's mother and paying for it, to losing your s--t on that mother in the hospital waiting room. My guess is YTA and you edited out why she reacted so strongly bc you don't want to be called out for what you did.

Kukka63 wrote:

YTA, it was a terrible comment to make when the situation is incredibly difficult already. These papers that you signed, did you even discuss any of these matters with his girlfriend? They have been together for 4 years, surely she would deserved to be included into a conversation when difficult decisions are made.

grae23 wrote:

YTA : you are very, very obviously leaving out a lot of important information. I've been with my boyfriend for just shy of 5 years while I know married couples who have been together half as long, just because they don't have the paperwork doesn't mean they aren't committed to being life partners.

What happened in those 8 hours?? If you had a good relationship with your son I doubt he would automatically believe her saying something so offensive about you that he signs over his next of kin without talking to you. You sound like someone who will insult someone by "just being honest" then freak out when someone is "honest" with you.

StarFire92 wrote:

INFO: Can you explain what the gf was upset about? The story goes from you called her to let her know what’s going on, she says thanks and then starts screaming at you in a hospital lobby. Also was the comment about 5 wives necessary? You sound like you’re raising a mama's boy and that you’re being “gracious” enough to allow him to have a romantic partner in his life.

What is the point of degrading her by reducing her to any number of wives and placing yourself as an untouchable god on a pedestal higher than her. He is living with her for 4 years so they might even be considered common law at this point. If you felt the need to express you’ll always be in his life was there a way to say that without putting someone else down?

Maybe like “you guys can always count on me to be there whenever needs help.” Factually speaking it was quite an AH thing to say and absolutely unnecessary. Very toxic behaviour. Also yes it is an objectively sh--ty thing to do to treat someone’s long term partner that they live with and are together for 4 plus years as less than because there is no ring.

That is an archaic way of thinking that has aged poorly. It’s no longer expected a girl must have a ring for a relationship to be treated with respect and it’s clear you don’t. You know how it’s not cool to be racist because we live in 2020s and it’s dehumanizing? This is one of those old timey things that fall in a similar vein. YTA for that alone. That is monster-in-law behaviour.