'My wife had an affair with a coworker on a work trip and his wife just confronted them.' UPDATED 2X

"Just found out my wife had an affair with her co-worker during a work trip."

I’m in desperate need of help and advice. I (28M) found out that my wife (28F) had an affair with her former supervisor (35M) at work who’s married himself with kids. We’ve been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts; we were each others first relationship and first everything. When we were little kids, we were even neighbors. She has always been there.

We both came from broken homes, but we always had each other, and we created something different than what we grew up seeing… or at least that’s what I thought. Maybe I was just one big idiot the entire time. I still work remote while my wife has since gone back to being in person. There’s not many women in her field, and she used to vent to me a lot that her job was more in line with a boys club.

Her AP, who was still her supervisor at the time, was “one of the good ones” supposedly and “looked out” for my wife at work. Recently, my wife received a promotion and I was so happy for her; she was now a supervisor herself. This came some new responsibility such as having to take a few business trips during the year. Her first trip happened last week, Wednesday through Friday.

Before she left, I told her that I’d be rooting for her from home, and she told me that she’d be leaving her heart with me and to take care of it; that’s something she always says to me whenever we have to be apart. On Monday, she came home from work early; I could immediately tell that something was wrong. She looked overwhelmed, and there was a red mark on her right cheek; my wife is pale and

tends to bruise easily. I asked her what happened, but she only asked me to hug her; said she just wanted to feel my embrace. I hugged her and after a few moments, she proceeded to say there was an incident at work. She sat me down on the couch and made the confession that has destroyed me and completely uprooted my life; she slept with with her former supervisor on the team lead trip.

I couldn’t even process at first; it was like I was watching it happen to someone else or like she was going to reveal it was a cruel joke. I think I would’ve accepted the cruel joke over reality. I was quiet during her whole confession, not saying one word. I was just in shock. Cheating is a sensitive topic for me as it is for a lot of people. My own family was wrecked by an affair my dad had; I’m the one who caught him

cheating and told my mom. My dad and I’s relationship is not good at all because he blames me for “ruining the family” and he has never forgiven me. My wife saw what cheating did to my family, and knew how much it tore me apart. Heck, she’s seen me cry over this back when we were teens and she comforted me. And then she turns around and does this to me? To us?

Apparently, the man’s own wife found out, and confronted her husband and my wife at work. It was a big scene with employees and customers all present. The woman had called my wife trash and slapped her. After the slap, other employees started interfering and the woman was escorted out of the building. My wife then called her older sister (30F).

In her words, she said her sister scolded her and told her that she needed to tell me about the affair and that I needed to hear it from her. I still never said a word, and she asked me to please say something. The only thing I could muster up to say in the moment was I needed her to tell me what happened on the trip.

She said on the 2nd day of the trip, she went out for drinks with the other team leads and the group stayed out late and she felt like she needed to participate for a team bonding experience. Throughout the night, each team lead wandered off until it was only her and her former supervisor and they went back to his room to listen to music. He kept complimenting her and telling her how attractive she was, and

that if he were me, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her. He eventually kissed her. My wife told me she doesn’t know what came over her, and that she wasn’t thinking clearly, but she let him keep kissing her which then turned to him groping her. They progressed to sleeping together. I didn’t want anymore details because I couldn’t take it and I got up off the couch, telling her to stop.

She reached out to take my hand, but I moved away and told her not to touch me. She broke down crying, and started profusely apologizing and begging for forgiveness; saying how it was the biggest mistake of her life, that she hates herself, and she wishes she could take it back. She kept repeating how much she loves me and only me. That the alcohol clouded her judgement.

I told her she needed to leave; she needed to call her sister to pick her up. She got up from the couch, crying even more, and tried to hug me, but I moved away again. She begged me not to do this, saying all kinds of stuff like she will quit her job… give me full access to her phone… saying we’ll do counseling.

I couldn’t keep it together. I told her if she wasn’t going to leave the house then I would. I didn’t even stop to pack a bag or anything, but just went for the door. She grabbed my arm; I guess, to try to stop me from leaving, and kept pleading for me not to do this, and saying after everything we’ve been through that this can’t be the end of us.

Despite everything, seeing her in that state and leaving her behind while she was crying still tore me apart because I love her. I love her more than I ever thought was possible to love someone else. But she broke me. She tossed our entire life and future away. I ended up going to my mom’s house, and that’s currently where I’m staying.

I don’t know how I kept my senses during the drive, but when I arrived, I just cried. I don’t even think my mom has even seen me cry as a teen or an adult. The only person who’s ever seen me cry is my wife. I did tell my mom what happened because I honestly didn’t know how to keep it from her with me showing up at her place in that way.

She was brokenhearted over it; she and my wife always got along. My mom treated her like a daughter, that was their relationship. She didn’t pass any judgement, but said I could stay as long as I needed and tried to offer some words of comfort. Ever since I left, my wife has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts, but I haven’t answered or wrote back;

the texts have basically just been begging me to come home and to talk with her, asking where I am, and to please not give up on us. I just feel so broken. I thought I knew what this pain was like, but it’s nothing compared to experiencing it yourself. I never thought my wife would do something like this. I always had the belief that there was no coming back from cheating for me; that the relationship would be over,

but now I keep thinking if I should give our relationship another chance… go to counseling together and try to salvage the relationship. I keep thinking back to all the history we have, how much I love her, how we always felt like matching puzzle pieces, and how when I thought I had no one, she was there. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to proceed. I’m at a loss.

What do you think? Should he give her another chance? This is what top commenters had to say:

Correus said:

How did the supervisors wife figure out that her husband had a one night stand. This affair wasn’t a one off, it had been happening for a while and his wife figured it out. Write that woman a thank you and serve your wife with divorce papers. You can choose to reconcile or not after she knows you will absolutely divorced her.

CaptLerue said:

That was not the first time. The other people didn’t just drift away, they waited everybody out. She never would have told you if she hadn’t been caught. How would ap’s wife had known if they had just returned from the trip. She no doubt had information that she collected over time. Think about it. How did his wife find out? She had to have collected more than that isolated event.

DSaive said:

This sounds like trickle truth. You are being told the minimum that she thinks she can get away with. And only because the affair has become public and she fears you will be told. Do not believe that this story is true nor complete. Has she quit that job? I will bet not. Although she may be fired soon.

throwra987789987789 said:

There is lots missing. You don't even have the whole story. She has sugar coated it. If the other wife found out then there is evidence somewhere. Somewhere where there is messages or evidence. If it is messages then the OBS has seen them and probably there is back and forth between your wife and her AP. This happened on Thursday and probably Friday morning.

She could of told you on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Instead her sister tells her to tell you the truth. If you slept with her on the weekend then get a STD test. IF you see her again DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER. A pregnancy now would really throw you for a loop. Talk to a lawyer.

See what divorce and separation look like. You do not have to make any decisions now. Get ready for tickle truth. I guarantee there is a lot more to the story. She will tell you some. IF you talk to the other OBS you will get more. Something similar happened with u/hurtinkwi Get to the gym. Sorry you are here.

Sniflix said:

"I keep thinking if I should give our relationship another chance… go to counseling together and try to salvage the relationship." You do realize if her AP's wife hadn't raised a shltshow their work - she never would have told you? And that "it's the first time" and blaming a few drinks - is telling you what you want to hear.

If you can login to her google/icloud accounts on your laptop - plus all her social accounts - you will probably dig up a long history between them. Yes you love her more than anything - obviously, that is a one-way street. Do what you want - counseling, whatever but prepare for the worst.

Three days after his original post, OP shared this update:

Thanks to everyone for the advice, concern, and resources. With everything going on, I haven’t been able to respond to every comment or message, but they’ve been very much appreciated. This week has been the most excruciating. I feel like a helpless kid again who can only watch as the world around me falls apart. And I’m going through it without my wife, who has been my best friend and support.

I was certain I didn’t have the whole story. So yesterday I looked into contacting OBS. I knew I needed to hear what she had to say in order for me to get some clarity; she wouldn’t have any agenda to lie or withhold whatever information she had from me. I found her FB account, and wrote her on Messenger.

She responded no more than ten minutes later and offered to video call right then. I immediately replied that I was available. One look without a word, and I could tell she was going through a similar hell like me. She said that shortly after being escorted out of the workplace last Monday, she actually tried to get in contact with me, but couldn’t find my details;

in fact, one of the last things she said to my wife was threatening that she was going to tell me. When she was saying this, all I could think of was how my wife rushed home that day and how her sister told her that I needed to hear about the affair from her. I asked her if she knew more about what occurred during the team lead trip or was this really just an ONS and how did she find out.

What she told me confirmed my fears; the affair dates back to before the trip. Documented proof from texts that were of an intense emotional affair. All of this, OBS shared with me with screen share, and I could barely keep it together.

She told me that back in January, she noticed that her husband was withdrawn and disinterested towards her. There were times she saw him texting my wife, but he would brush it off as work related convos. The day before the trip, she went to the job to drop something off her SO had forgotten, and she found in his office with my wife, standing close together, joking and smiling;

she said the whole atmosphere between them felt flirty. When they noticed her, they parted, and my wife’s face looked panicked while her husband went over it altogether. She said it was then that she felt certain there was something going on between her husband and my wife, but she didn’t address it because she wanted undeniable proof her husband couldn’t escape from.

After the trip, her SO was more distant and dismissive. That night, she waited until he fell asleep and then checked his phone; she went to his text thread with my wife where everything was there to see: intimate texts back and forth before the trip; it started as an emotional cheating, others were of AP saying that it was impossible for him to focus at work whenever my wife was around.

In these texts, it was clear that AP was the pursuer/aggressor toward my wife, but that doesn’t really make a difference because she never shut down his advances. Some of the pre-trip texts were AP bashing his wife and going off about repeated miscarriages… it was just plain disgusting with how he talked about her to my wife. He kept mentioning how maybe he needed a woman like my wife.

There were texts from last Thursday night with AP inviting my wife to join the team for drinks, and texts AP sent to my wife the following morning which clearly revealed that they slept together. At this point, there were no more replies from my wife after Thursday night.

I didn’t think it was possible for me to hurt any worse, but here I am. OSB said it took her everything to remain calm as she didn’t want to alert her twins sleeping in the other room, but she didn’t wake her husband up nor confront him immediately. She said that in her heart she was done with him, and that for her, he had crossed a line he couldn’t come back from.

She said she was more angry than she’d ever been during their marriage, and that through her anger, she was set on humiliating him like he had humiliated her. So she faked her smiles and acted like everything was fine and waited until Monday, where she was going to out him at work in front of his peers, underlings, and costumers. She said this confrontation had been brewing for a while now.

Apparently, it was only a coincidence that my wife was at work that day as well; when OSB saw my wife with AP and another employee, she decided to target my wife, too. When she went on to calling out my wife, my wife tried unsuccessfully to get her to quiet down.

OBS then started saying her husband had no signs of remorse in the slightest, but only anger at her public outburst. I learned from her that AP was fired the following day after the confrontation. She also kicked him out of the house, and said one of the hardest things in her life was having to explain this all to her twins;

I had an idea of what she meant because I saw my own mom have to do the same thing after my dad. She said that this whole ordeal showed her who her husband really was, and while her husband pursued my wife, nonetheless my wife still had a part in the affair, and that as a woman, she had no sympathy or respect for my wife whatsoever.

I told her I in no way fault her for that, and that she has every right. She actually apologized to me; for her husband’s role in the affair. I literally was at a loss for words for a moment, and then I apologized for the part my wife played, and she said that her and I are now a part of a club we never wanted to be in; a club that our SO’s forced us in.

She asked me about my wife and I; I told her that I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do, but that I wasn’t currently staying with my wife. She wished me all the best, and I did the same to her, and before ending the call, we exchanged numbers, so if we ever wanted to talk again. Every raw emotion was only heightened.

I confided in my mom about what I learned and she still didn’t voice any judgement, but I could tell that she’s upset with my wife. A part of me feels great happiness that AP is losing everything; his job and his family, and that maybe he’s out there suffering as well. But I’m not proud of that feeling; at the same time I feel immense guilt over that because a wife is losing her husband,

and children are losing their family as they know it… those kids are in for a whole world of pain. I feel anger also towards my wife for doing this to us, for breaking our vows, and for putting my health in jeopardy; we did hook up after she returned from the trip, and the post-trip texts hint that protection wasn’t used.

I do know I should resume contact with my wife regarding the information OBS has provided me with, and demand a timeline. But at the same time I feel even more lost than I was when I made the original post. I feel like I’m just drowning here.