'AITA for calling my wife delusional for thinking I'm the father of my sister's kid?' UPDATED
"AITA for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew?"
PotentialTwos writes:
My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for 14. We are childfree. I also have a nephew who’s currently 13, and I’m not going to lie—he looks a lot like me and has many of the same facial features. I’m really proud of him, and we have a close bond. I’ve played a father-like role in his life since he was a kid. He has a deadbeat father, and my sister divorced him long ago.
A couple of my family members have commented on how my nephew looks a lot like me, and while I initially thought it was wholesome, my wife, for some reason, became very insecure and started having doubts.
She began questioning why I needed to play such a prominent role in my nephew’s life, why my nephew had autism, etc. The insinuations just became weird and made me uncomfortable.
I do agree that my sister has played some part in my wife’s insecurities because of her dry humor. During family gatherings, my sister jokes a lot about how wholesome it is that her son looks like me and how she couldn’t be happier. It’s obviously a joke, but I spoke to my sister and asked if she could tone it down a bit because it was making my wife a bit anxious.
However, last night, my wife asked if I could take a paternity test just for her peace of mind. That’s when I finally snapped and called her crazy, saying that marrying her was the biggest mistake of my life.
I immediately regretted saying it because I didn’t mean any of it—my wife is the love of my life. But my wife went quiet, and shortly after, she started crying, and I had to console her. Was I the AH?
Here are the top rated comments from the post:
Harvard_Diplomat says:
She thinks you had a baby with your own sister? Not your brother's wife or anything but your own sister? No, that IS crazy.
LetsGetsThisPartyOn says:
NTA. Of course he has your genes FROM YOUR SISTER! Not from you! Jesus. Send her to a biology class.
Beginning-Lemon-4607 says:
Your wife's new homework is a Punnett squares.
Longwinded_Ogre says:
It's ok to be mad when someone you love and trust accuses you of having a kid with your sister. NTA. You said some harsh stuff. She deserves some harsh stuff.
OP posted an update a day later.
The gist of it is that I’ve agreed to take the test but under certain conditions. I understand that my wife is being paranoid and delusional, but I want to take the test to ease whatever irrational fears she has. Sometimes these fears lack logic, and I’ve had my own irrational fears before, even when they didn’t make sense.
I spoke to my sister about it today, and she was obviously pretty angry at my wife. However, my sister and I discussed it at length, and she agreed to the test under certain conditions. I spoke to my wife afterward and told her I would take the test under some conditions.
My wife was very happy that I had agreed to take the test, and I then told her the conditions. The first condition was that she had to stop these insinuations immediately. My wife agreed to it right away. The second condition was that there would be no more arguments about me spending time with my sister and nephew.
My wife and I have had some arguments over the years where she asked why I spend so much time at their house. My wife agreed to the condition, although she took some time to think about it.
The third and final condition was that I’d have the freedom to go on vacations with my sister and nephew without my wife. I told her upfront that my sister didn’t want her to come on these vacations anymore. My wife was a bit more hesitant about this, but she ultimately agreed.