'AITA for not letting my in-laws move in with us making them demand that we pay them?'

AITA for refusing to let my wife’s family move in with us, leading to them demanding repayment of a “gift”?

Mysterious_Top_810 writes:

My wife and I have always been open about our finances with her family. So for Christmas, her stepdad bought her a course to help bring in more money. He is well-off, and we believed this was his way to help. My wife did not ask for this. We decided to start our journey to have a baby and had open discussions with them about the financial implications of this procedure, as we are lesbians.

A few months later, we had saved up for our donor and looked at profiles. Around the same time, they had a big fight, and my mother-in-law (MIL) moved in with us. After a few days, she realized that she had to go back to him because, in her words, she "cannot have the lifestyle she wants without him." We supported her decision, as it is her decision.

A week later, they decided to move house. Just before they found another house, she called me. She asked if the two of them and their four dogs could move in with us for a month. They wouldn't be able to really contribute, as they would be using this period to save up for moving expenses.

I told her I would chat with her daughter first. Her mom was aggressive with me over the phone and implied that we had no choice, as they have done so much for us in the past. When my wife heard what her mother asked, she was upset and called her.

The conversation went badly, and it came out that they had been keeping a record of everything they have done for us and given us. He was expecting us to pay back that course. We had half the money saved up. So, because we did not want to ever owe anyone, we paid that money over to them. This broke our hearts because it meant we were back at square one with saving for a baby.

What happened after this was almost worse. Her mom would come over and talk about how SHE was going to be the one decorating the nursery, etc. We haven't seen them since they moved—we used to spend every weekend doing something together and would be chatting over the phone.

When we do call, she walks out of the room when he comes in. And we heard from my wife's sister that her mom told her that we manipulated them by saying this money was for our donor while we were still just being honest. I don’t want contact anymore. AITA?

Here are the top comments:

sassydr11 says:

A course of what exactly ? IVF? It sounds as though the in-laws are manipulative and controlling. Better off not to have them involved in any part of this.

OP responded:

He paid for a certification so that she could have a side hustle. We were well prepared to pay for our own IVF treatment. We really don’t ever want to ask for or take money from someone else. No matter how well off they are. Your money is your money.

NapalmAxot

NTA. Good people don't track exactly what they give their kids, and then expect to be paid back when they said it was a gift! That is completely unacceptable, and normally after paying them back you would have gone low contact.

You definitely need to disengage somewhat. Stop confiding in them, since they're using it against you. They're spending less time with you, and you see that as bad, but really it's for the best right now while they're going through things. Use that time to develop friendships, stop relying on them so much for companionship.

paul_rudds_drag_race says:

Everyone involved seems so messy. You gave them money though you didn’t have to since it was a gift, then you still let them over after all that drama, seemingly not saying anything about the mother being pushy about decorating. I think you have to sort yourselves out more than just financially before you bring a baby into the mix.

What do you think?