'My next-door neighbour’s cat wants to live with me and I’m not sure what to do.' AITA? UPDATED 3X + KITTY PIC
"My next-door neighbour’s cat wants to live with me and I’m not sure what to do."
I live alone and work from home so I’m at home a lot, my neighbours are out at work/college during the day, they consist of 4 adults, several cats and 3 dogs. My house is a bit bigger than theirs. I think this is important information as I suspect this is the reason Cat prefers it here.
In the last few years Cat has been a regular visitor to my garden. There are several cats next door and they all see my garden as theirs, they’re all comfortable with me and I often go outside and pet them and give them treats – next-door know about this and I look after the cats for them when they’re away.
Their cats would occasionally come into my house in the summer when doors and windows are open and in the winter I’ve taken their cats in if one of them got accidentally shut out. I had my own cat until a year ago who didn’t mind the male cats but hated the females, so the females rarely came in the house and the males were never here for very long.
My cat died last year and as soon as Cat realised she could come in without fear of being chased she’s been doing everything she can to set up home here. I told my neighbour as soon as she started coming in regularly and they said they were fine with it, Cat would go home for dinner and at night and come back in the day.
I spoke to my neighbour numerous times about her being here and they kept saying it was fine. Gradually Cat was spending more and more time here and getting very upset at being ‘sent home’, but when I got 2 kittens in August I thought that would put Cat off being here.
It didn’t. I had to tape the cat-flap up to stop her getting in and the kittens getting out, but she’d come in through any open door or window and go and hide so I didn’t always know she was here.
Eventually my kittens ripped the tape off the cat-flap and Cat broke it attacking it to get in, so I replaced it with an expensive flap with selective entry/exit so that Cat could get out if she snuck in but the kittens couldn’t.
Cat was here more and more and next-door started to get upset about it. I tried to talk to them but any suggestion of having a conversation was ignored, all communication has been by text.
They asked me not to let Cat in and I explained that after so long she was used to being here and would break the cat-flap trying to get in if I locked it, and I couldn’t risk the cat-flap being broken and my kittens getting out and other cats getting in (they’ve got an unneutered male next-door who sprays…)
I always tried to put Cat out at meal times and at night, but she’d come back in again as soon as she could and get very stressed and try and hide. I’ve had to resort to scaring her out of her hiding spots with the vacuum cleaner to put her out at night as she picks places I can’t reach, and I have to block the cat-flap up and shut my cats in a different room at night to stop Cat breaking in.
She sits outside crying when she can’t get in, she sits on the bins under my bedroom window at night crying. One night it was torrential rain and she was throwing herself at the door trying to get in, I felt horrible.
My neighbour has seen for herself what Cat is like when she knows I’m trying to catch her to put her out, she came to the door when Cat ran in when I was receiving a delivery and watched me chase her round the house before she got on top of a cupboard I couldn’t reach.
I’ve sent them photos of the places I’ve found her hiding and I always respond when they ask me to send Cat home. I’ve been totally upfront with them and never hidden the fact Cat is here.
I’ve sent them texts explaining how stressed Cat is and how difficult it is to keep her out. I’ve tried to talk to them face-to-face but they just keep ignoring me or replying with ‘Please stop letting Cat in’.
It’s not that easy, and I don’t know what to do. They keep Cat indoors for days at a time and the minute she’s let out she immediately comes to me. I was away for 2 weeks recently and Cat was constantly trying to get into my house (I’d taped the cat-flap up and put my cats in a Cattery, I’ve got cameras covering the back door).
She was so happy when I came home, she must be so confused when she can’t get in and it breaks my heart having to scare her to put her out. There’s clearly a reason she doesn’t want to be at home and I wish I could have a sensible conversation with next-door about it.
Cat came in wearing a tracker this morning. The collar was too tight, it’s not quick release and it looks uncomfortable. I don’t know how they think a tracker will change anything, they know Cat is here!
I hate the fact Cat is stressed, I hate that I can’t do anything about it and I don’t know whether to try and talk to my neighbour again or just leave it. My neighbour hasn’t replied to any messages I’ve sent recently about other neighbourly things either which is upsetting as before this I thought we got on ok.
I understand why they’re upset, I would be too if my cat left home. I’d be trying to work out why the cat wanted to be elseware though and if I couldn’t make the changes needed to keep the cat happy I hope I’d be able to do what was best for the cat.
So cat people, what do I do? This has been going on for a year so I’m sure there’s plenty I’ve left out. Have any of you been in my position or in my neighbour’s position? What’s the best way of approaching this? I just want what’s best for Cat, I have no interest in stealing anyone else’s cat but if she’s happy here she’s welcome to stay.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
It sounds like the cat is unhappy at home, and your neighbor doesn’t want to talk about it. You could try one last time to have a calm conversation, explaining that the cat is very stressed and keeps breaking in. Maybe tryberitinf a letter or email?
If they still refuse to listen, you may need to set firm boundaries—letting them know you can’t keep forcing the cat out if she keeps coming back. If the cat is being neglected or mistreated, you could also contact a local animal welfare group for advice. I hope this can help you a bit! Best of luck ❤️ I would also keep a record of the cats movement just in case you need in in the future.
CharlieRobbieGeorge (OP)
The cat isn’t being mistreated or neglected. I don’t know if she’s up to date with vaccinations or flea/worm treatments and I’ve had to loosen too-tight collars a couple of times but I don’t doubt they care about her. They’ve got so many animals and I don’t think they realise how stressed the cat is - or maybe they don’t want to know.
I see. Well something is going on that is making the cat stress and their owners don't wanna talk. I think the owners are feeling stressed and tahst why they are avoiding you? I hope they feel less stressed soon since you only have good intentions. Best of luck and thank you for taking care of the cat.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
I don’t know whether one of my neighbours saw my previous post but I got a long text from one of them yesterday asking to come to an amicable solution about Cat. I was so relieved! I thanked him for reaching out and sent a long text back explaining how persistent Cat is and how difficult it is keeping her out and how I’ve tried so many times to talk to them but been ignored.
His response was not what I expected. He said there was nothing to be said, it’s entirely on me to stop her. He won’t entertain the idea that Cat might not like the latest dog whilst also telling me she doesn’t get on with one of their other cats very well now which is apparently my fault.
Since he asked how persistent she is to get in I went back through some data and worked out she’d tried to get in to my house no less than 61 times over an 11 day period when I was away recently.
I told him if this is how persistent she is when I’m not here and the cat-flap is blocked up with cardboard so she can’t see through, imagine how bad it is when I’m home and she can see me.
Then add in the battering the cat-flap takes when she’s trying to get in and my cats are attacking it back and maybe he’ll begin to understand why this is so difficult. He didn’t reply and blocked me, so I guess there won’t be an amicable resolution 🤷🏻♀️
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
You should get the cat microchipped and call it a day. Stop initiating conversations with the neighbor and keep the cat.
Yup. Take it the vet, get it microchipped and a full exam and vaccinations. Don’t waste your time with the neighbor. If they don’t treat it well enough for it to want to live there, they sure aren’t going to make the effort to fight for it. Cats are smart and they know who loves them.
I promise you he can’t do anything about it if you just keep letting the cat inside. The police are gonna think it’s a joke. If the cat keeps coming in just allow her too and that’s it. People steal pets and nothing is done by police so don’t worry. Honestly if it were me I would keep their cat and say you don’t know what happened to her.
Two months later, the OP returned with another update.
Brief recap: my neighbour's cat has moved in with me and they're being arsey about it. This is also in the UK. Following Mr Nextdoor blocking me I stopped trying to chase Cat out and let her come and go as she pleased.
It took a couple of weeks but she calmed down, became more affectionate and overall seemed a much happier cat. She still hides when she knows I'm going to bed as previously I'd do whatever I could to make sure she wasn't in my house overnight, but I let her do what she wants now.
Things were quiet for a few weeks and I then got a message from Mrs Nextdoor asking about Cat as she hadn't seen her. I confirmed she was in my garden and that she comes and goes as she pleases and I was upset at the tension it was causing.
There was some polite back-and-forth with Mrs saying there was no tension and that was it. I got another text from Mrs Nextdoor a week later asking if Cat was here, I replied and that was that until last week.
Mrs Nextdoor texts me again asking me to stop letting Cat in to my house. I'm really frustrated by now and tell her I'm not repeating myself again. That I've even spoken to my vet to see if there's anything I can do and Cat is happy doing her thing and surely that's what's important.
To try and keep a long story a bit shorter, she ended up asking if I wanted to take ownership of Cat. I said I didn't 'want' to, but if that's what they want and Cat is happy here then yes, I'll take ownership of her.
Mrs Nextdoor asked me to return Cat's collar which had an Airtag and dongle for their cat flap on it and said she'd let her vet know and get the microchip details transferred. So I put the collar back through their letterbox as requested and booked Cat in with my vet for vaccinations and flea/worm treatment.
I took Cat to my vet, explained the situation and they called the previous vet for her medical records. Despite Nextdoor agreeing to give me ownership they've forbidden their vet from releasing Cat's records and have told the microchip company they don't consent to the details being transferred to me 🤦🏻♀️.
I've text Mrs asking what's going on and not had a reply. I have all the messages from her confirming the transfer of ownership to me, her asking for the collar back and saying she'll let her vet and the microchip company know.
Cat can't get in through their cat flap now without the dongle and she's wearing a collar I've provided along with one of my AirTags. She's been registered at my vet, had her first vaccination, flea and worm treatment and I've set up medical insurance.
I also paid the £12 transfer fee to get the chip changed and then this happens. My vet says based on the messages I have from next-door that as far as they're concerned Cat is mine and I have authorisation to get treatment for her but I'm worried about the situation with the microchip.
If Nextdoor refuse to cooperate and continue to ignore me what do I do? I really hoped this was going to be a final happy update but I can't relax until this is resolved. I feel awkward enough about it all without having this uncertainty hanging over me. Does anyone here work for a microchip company in the UK and can advise me on what to do?
A week later, the OP returned with their final update.
I won't go into all the details but finally after a bit of back-and-forth the neighbours asked me if I wanted to take ownership of the cat. I don't know whether she thought she was calling my bluff and I'd say no but I said if that's what she wanted and it was in the best interests of the cat then of course I would.
Things remained civil for a bit after that but they kept declining my request to transfer the microchip details. I messaged Mrs Next door a couple of times and despite her saying she didn't want to fall out over this she turned nasty. She did eventually agree to transfer the chip before blocking me, so I now officially have a new cat and next door neighbours who hate me.
I don't feel good about falling out with my neighbours and I'm sure they're telling anyone who'll listen how I stole their cat. The cat is happy and settled now though and that's all that matters.
The OP then provided this kitty photo.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s final update:
Pixie wants to be an indoor cat with OP.
Seriously, poor thing was screaming at OP that she'd been chosen but nooo, all the human stuff had to get in the way.
Pixie really said "no, no, you're my human now and there's nothing you can do about it", which is a pretty cat thing to do.
Sounds like all their animals were in/out on their own since neighbors weren't home much. OP keeps mentioning new dogs or cats so it seems like too many, too little attention. What I didn't get was why if they have that many animals, they didn't just let Pixie be with OP. Why the trying to force a cat to stay with them?
It honestly sounded very "if I can't have her you can't have her either!!" Of them. Especially since it sounded like the poor thing was completely unhappy in her old home, it's not normal for a cat to be desperately trying to get into a house like that to the point of attacking entry points and loudly meowing, unless they consider it their house.
The only cat I knew that did that was a neighbours and it was BC he never came home so my family basically became a second home for the poor girl. Too many cat owners here adopt without actually considering that they gotta be around for the animals, it's not good enough to just provide a place for them to sleep if they're constantly stressed or neglected.☹️