Neurodivergent woman wants to reduce contact with polycule friend group; 'It's getting creepy.' AITA?

"WIBTA For reducing contact with my polycule friend group?"

So I've (f) been hanging out with a particular friend group for ~4 years now. They're all good people and I really like them. We're all autistic and/or ADHD women and they're the first group of neurodivergent friends I've ever had.

After a lifetime of struggling to connect with friends I never realised how much easier it would be to socialise with other neurodivergent people but I click with them really well.

Recently they've started to morph into a giant polycule. They all date each other now. I had no issues with them dating and I'm happy for them but the group has become very centred around their se%ual relationships with each other.

Every time we meet up they cuddle together, flirt, kiss and talk about se%/bdsm stuff they're doing with each other. I don't really like cuddling with my platonic friends that much and I find overly doing public displays of affection a little bit cringe.

I just end up sitting there awkwardly as the only one not involved in the cuddlefest so the last few times we've hung out I ended up joining in despite not really wanting to. They also keep inviting me to do se%ual / bdsm things with them which I politely decline.

We have a group chat as well that has largely started to revolve around flirting and hornyposting which I'm also not interested in.

Basically I'm finding that hanging out with this group isn't particularly fun anymore but feel guilty that maybe I'm just being a prude or something. I kind of want to stop hanging out with my friends for a while and reduce contact because I'm uncomfortable with the new dynamic of the group.

aghyu writes:

NTA, based on experience ur making the right choice to distance now before problems arise. i have adhd/autism and ive been in the center of this kind of drama before except it was all dorm mates under 1 roof.

my advice would be to distance urself and stop putting effort in the group, and if theres any individual friends worth holding on to then maintain those relationships. this polycule might fall apart esp if its a bunch of inexperienced young ppl getting wrapped up in the fun.

especially if the group is based on horniness instead of well balanced quality relationships. ppl need friends and its not always a good idea to make ur friend group into a se% group.

best case scenario, you can be a neutral party and stay friends with everyone after it starts to split apart, worse case scenario you start from scratch with new friends that have a good sense of boundaries. you especially dont want to have to choose sides and end up in a lose/lose scenario

fats7 writes:

NTA, to be honest I find this entire thing unhealthy, boundary crossing and creepy.

They can date who they want, but they are also crossing the boundaries of you as their friend and seem to be deadset on blurring the lines between friendship and romance without seemingly even discussing with you if you even want that.

You seem to get pressured into the intimate side despite you not wanting to. It kind of remind me how Nice Guys start out as friends and then try to push over into romance, except now there seems to be an added bonus of group pressure.

I would distance myself: you clicked with them in the past but now the dynamic has changed to whatever this is, and it clearly doesn't click anymore.

sweatdram writes:

NTA, this is not about being a prude or judgy, this is just uncomfortable, it would be the same as if you are friends with a couple and third wheel their dates, it’s okay to be friend, but for your own sake it would be better to slowly distance yourself before you get put into an awkward position if there is a fight