Niece gets ultimatum: 'get over not being invited to my wedding OR stop coming over.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my niece that either she gets over not being invited to my wedding or she can forget coming over anymore?"

About 3 years ago, my husband Roy and I got married among a small group – 20 of the people closest to us. This did not include anyone under the age of 21. My niece was 16 at the time and she is the one who threw the biggest fit over it.

And she hasn’t stopped throwing the fit since then. She brings it up at every chance she gets, whining and complaining about how she was purposely left out of a big family event and how she has trauma from being excluded.

She made up this whole story about how she was looking forward to it for years and how deeply she felt not being invited, like it was a complete rejection of her as a human being. Roy and I were together for a year before we got married (yeah I know, but it’s working out for us).

Look, I get that it might have hurt her feelings to not be able to come. MOST of the family didn’t come. But to claim that she has trauma over a wedding invitation is ridiculous. This wasn’t a week long vacation where the entire family gathered together for hours of bonding every day. It was a 4 hour event.

But I’ve finally had enough of her whining over it. She brought it up AGAIN when she was over a few weeks ago. She mentioned how her friends went somewhere without her because she had another obligation and she touched her chest and said how much it “hurt her abandonment trauma” and gave me a pointed look.

At that point, I said “It’s been three years, Madison, you need to get over it. You were 16, it was a small group, nobody abandoned you. If you can’t get over it and find a way to move on, why do you keep coming over here? I’m sick of hearing you complaining about it every chance you get.”

She got upset and said that it was one of the most traumatic experiences of her life because it destroyed her innocence and made her have to grapple with the idea that family wouldn’t always be there for her? I just rolled my eyes and said “Whatever, either get over it or don’t come over here again. You bring it up again and you’re gone.”

She turned on the water works and started crying about how I was so cruel and how she can’t believe that she’s being completely rejected by her own family and how she doesn’t have a support system. For the record, her mom and dad are happily married and she is constantly surrounded by family and friends. AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

somethin_grim13 said:

If that's the most traumatic thing that has happened in her life, life is good. NTA.

DropDeadDolly said:

And this is why people who say that you shouldn't "gatekeep" what counts as trauma are wrong. Sorry, but there needs to be a fucking line between disappointing or unpleasant events (aka, basic human existence) and life-altering events that you never recover from. 19 is old enough to know the difference. NTA.

Significant-Bet-7732 said:

How can she look forward to something for years when you were only together for a year? She was a child who didn't get invited to an adult event. Boohoo. Life is crap sometimes. Honestly. I'd just put her in a timeout for a bit and tell her you need some space from the constant attempt at her to manipulate you for having one day in your life that wasn't about her.

ThatWhichLurks782 said:

Lmao, NTA she's acting like being "left out" for a few hours dramatically altered the course of her entire life. Obviously has no idea what actual trauma is. She needs therapy and to realize the whole world doesn't center around her.

TaxiLady69 said:

NTA. She's a drama queen, though. You should probably talk to your sibling about your niece being an entitled little b. If she keeps it up, she's just gonna ruin relationships all over the place.

Rowana133 said:

Oh good god, she sounds like a pick me or one of those girls who NEEDS to be the victim. Ugh. NTA.

Ok_Childhood_9774 said:

NTA. She sounds extremely tedious for continuing to harp on something that happened years ago (and for a perfectly valid reason). She's entirely too old to be behaving like this, and it's past time to shut her down.

empress_lace said:

NTA. Niece has the classic “how can I make this all about me” mindset.