'AITA for telling my wife our nieces/nephews shouldn’t blow out candles at everyone’s birthday?'
"AITA for telling my wife our nieces/nephews shouldn’t blow out candles at everyone’s birthday?"
Before I get annihilated in the comments just hear me out. My wife and I have two nieces and one nephew who are 5-6 years old. For the past several years, it has been a “family tradition” that the kids get to blow out the candles first at anyone’s birthday party whether it is mine, their parents, grandparents, etc.
The kids will demand to blow out the candles first before the actual birthday person. If they do not, a deluge of crying and screaming will follow. At first, it was a fun and cute when they were really little but now as they have gotten older their attitudes about it have gotten way worse.
For example, at my party last month her family demanded the kids go first and when they were trying to blow out the candles, the little boy jumped the gun and blew out most of my candles which caused the two girls to cry uncontrollably. The boy then started crying because he didn’t get to blow out more.
Afterwards, I told my wife that I think this “family tradition” is stupid since it reinforces the fact that the world revolves around them and that adults will give them whatever they want.
I told her I have no problem throwing parties for their birthdays, which is something I didn’t even get growing up, but making the center of attention at every adult birthday party the kids is ridiculous since it reinforces a false reality the world revolves around them. AITA for thinking this way?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Those kids need to learn that they are not always the center of attention and they can’t always get what they want.
Seriously. It’s birthday candles now. Just wait til they start announcing their pregnancies at peoples weddings.
This tradition might have been cute when they were toddlers, but they’re old enough now to learn boundaries and respect for others. NTA.
Not cute then, I don't want kid spit on my cake.
NTA. Ditch the candles from the cakes from now on. Nobody wants to eat spit from multiple kids.
Do they also provide a gift for the kids even tho it isn’t their party? Yeah don’t do any of that. NTA
Yeah the little boy is the worst. He gets pissed if he doesn’t get a present when it’s like his mom or dad’s birthday. I’ve never done that shit (buy them presents on not their birthdays) because that’s stupid.
NTA- time for this tradition to end… what happens when you have kids?! How will they handle your child wanting to blow out their own candles or getting attention
My wife and I are in agreement it’s dumb to do this and we won’t. However, the rest of her very large family does not think this way.
How about no candles? It’s horribly unhygienic anyway. Who wants to eat cake just spat upon by some snot nosed kid or adult.
NTA. It looks like they already are spoiled and entitled. Because I doubt they get told no. I don’t know if you want to have kids but if you do will she let them blow her own kids birthday candles before they can?
No we’re both in agreement this “tradition” is dumb and is the result of pi@# poor parenting. They all just walk over their parents in daily life and we ain’t about that.
Edit's from OP after reading the comments:
EDIT: Thanks to everyone who commented. I believe every single person so far has agreed with me. I do want to answer a few common questions I’ve gotten:
1. What do they do with other kids parties?
Honestly, I can’t remember the last time they went to another little kids party and I suspect it is for reasons like this.
2. What will happen when they’re older?
I suspect the same bullshit. I have a 35 year old cousin who is like this and throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get a present on her sisters birthday…..
3. Don’t have candles?
Yes, my wife and I are no longer going to have family parties for our birthdays.
As a side note, we’ve tried to talk to their parents about these issues but they all get SUPER defensive and they dismiss our view points as invalid because we don’t have kids.