'AITA for wanting to spend time with my family on X-mas Eve and see my in-laws on X-mas day?'
"AITA for refusing to go to my in-laws for Christmas after they disinvited my family?"
30lbslater says:
So, here’s the situation: I (30M) am married to my wife (29F), and we have a 3-year-old daughter. This year, we were all set to spend Christmas Day with my wife’s family, as we’ve done in previous years. My wife’s parents (let’s call them Linda and Greg) host a big Christmas celebration every year, and it’s always been a bit chaotic, It’s mostly a bunch of extended family, loud conversations, and lots of food.
Now, I love my wife’s family, but they aren’t the easiest to deal with. Linda, in particular, has a tendency to try and control things, and she’s always had a problem with my family—mainly because they aren’t as “formal” or as traditional as hers. In the past, there’s been tension about which side of the family we spend holidays with, but we’ve always managed to compromise.
Here’s where the problem started: A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about our Christmas plans. She was really excited to have us over for Christmas Eve dinner and wanted us to stay the night. I told my wife about it, and she seemed okay with it at first.
But then, out of nowhere, Linda calls my wife and tells her that “she’s really disappointed” that we were planning to spend Christmas Eve with my family. She implied that it would cause a lot of tension, especially with other relatives, and that we “shouldn’t split the holiday.”
My wife was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place and ended up telling me that we had to choose between spending Christmas Eve with my family or going to Linda and Greg’s for the whole holiday. She said that her parents were “hurt” that we’d even consider spending time with my side of the family, and she didn’t want to cause any drama.
I was really frustrated, and honestly, I felt like I was being forced to choose between my family and hers. I’ve always been understanding about her family’s tradition, but this felt like an ultimatum.
I told my wife that I wasn’t comfortable with her parents dictating our plans, especially when my family was being excluded from a holiday that’s supposed to be about spending time with loved ones.
After some back and forth, I told my wife that I wasn’t going to her family’s house this year if they couldn’t be respectful of my family’s traditions. It’s not like we were planning on staying with my family for the entire Christmas Day—we just wanted to spend Christmas Eve there, then head to Linda and Greg’s for Christmas Day.
But now, Linda and Greg have flat-out disinvited us from Christmas, saying we can’t “pick and choose” when it comes to family holidays. My wife is really upset with me and says I’m causing unnecessary conflict and making things harder for her. She thinks I should have just gone along with what her parents wanted and not caused a scene.
But I’m feeling pretty hurt that her family is basically dictating where we spend Christmas, and I don’t think it’s fair to expect us to drop my family’s plans without any compromise. So, AITA for refusing to go to my in-laws?
Here are the top comments from readers.
gover2087 says:
Your wife needs to grow a back bone and tell Linda and Greg their ultimatums aren’t welcome. “Splitting” the holidays completely acceptable and normal for most families and Linda and Greg are narcissist for being selfish and trying to control your new family.
You have a brand new family so start your own traditions on your terms and anybody who decides to not be part of them doesn’t deserve to be. You’ve been more than flexible and accommodating. NTA, 100%.
TomDoniphona says:
NTA. Christmas Eve in one place and Christmas Day in another is perfectly reasonable and a standard arrangement. This is absolutely not fair on your parents. Your wife needs to understand that. And your MIL, she champions traditional values but she wants your parents alone for Xmas There is no defending your wife's side sorry. Stand your ground.
thfemaleofthespecies says:
You have a wife problem. She needs to grow a backbone and tell her family where to stick their manipulation.
MerlinBiggs says:
NTA. Inlaws are being greedy and selfish. You and your wife both have families you want to spend time with. You wanted that, but in-laws wanted everything to be about them. Your wife needs to stand up to them. They are causing the conflict, not you. If she doesn't stand up to them you'll have this every year.