'AITA for no longer wanting to give a HOUSE to my sister?' 'Our mom didn't have a will.'

"AITA for no longer wanting to give a HOUSE to my sister? It's my portion of inheritance..."

A few years ago our mom passed away unexpectedly and she didn’t have a will, so splitting the assets has been more of a headache than any of us anticipated. Most of us (multiple siblings involved) are of a mind that we need to prioritize relationships with each other because we understand longterm damage that feuding over material things upon someone’s death can bring to families.

Our mom loved her house and spent her time turning it into a dream home before her death. Some didn’t want it sold off. It was then proposed that one of our sisters who has young children be given the house because she was looking at travel trailers for housing and it would be a long term, affordable, and stable home.

At this time, sale of the house to her and her husband wasn’t an option because they couldn’t get approved for a loan. They were told that they needed to prepare themselves to get a loan for the house in case the loan wasn’t assumable, and unfortunately they didn’t do that so to this day they still wouldn’t qualify to buy it.

We agreed on a nice idea to each give the gift of our own inheritance with an unspoken understanding that they’d plan on staying there longterm. While we figured out the legal stuff, they move in and pay the mortgage until things are made official.

Unfortunately, shortly after moving in, our sister's husband would tell friends and his family that his plan is to sell the house within the next 2 years or rent it out and move. This understandably caused upset because it felt like he was looking at opportunity to profit, not longterm stability.

We proposed a stipulation stating that they’d have to reside in the home for 5 years before it would be transferred solely to them as proof that they are serious about making it into their home, but her husband got really upset and wouldn't hear us out.

We asked our sister what their plan was and she said it depended on her husband’s work situation, that moving wasn’t off the table or fully on it, but she felt 2 years was long enough to consider it long term.

With all of this coming to light, a few of the siblings no longer wanted to sign because they didn’t feel it would be fair to end up with none of the equity on a short term living situation.

We sought acknowledgement that he understood this was a huge gift and sacrifice of our inheritances, hoping he would show some gratitude so we could feel good about signing and move on, but he was not receptive. He feels because he’s done some work on the house and has paid the mortgage that it is his.

It no longer feels wise to hand over my portion heedlessly, not because of the money, but because of the morality and the ethics of it all. With the new information about their plans to possibly sell the property after only a short time, the sense of entitlement and the lack of acknowledgement for how big of a gift this really is...AITA for no longer wanting to give away my portion of inheritance?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

NotCreativeAtAll16 said:

NTA. If sis can't buy it then she doesn't get the profits from selling it. I get not wanting to sell it to keep it in your family. But why GIVE it to just one sibling? They're already thinking about the money in their pockets after selling their gift house. Nuh - uh.

And_a_piece_of_toast said:

NTA, but I'm honestly not understanding the original decision anyway. Even if the sister and BIL had agreed to live there for 5 years it seems mad to me that all the siblings would gift their entire inheritance just so the property stays in the family for 5 more years.

If it's really non-negotiable that the property can't be sold straight away can the house not stay owned by all siblings and the sister and BIL just live there at a rent that covers the mortgage?

reddmann00100 said:

NTA at all. This is a very complex and nuanced situation to me sure, and it sounds like you and (the majority of) your siblings wanted to honor your mother by not selling off the house she was passionate about.

Your sister + (mainly) BIL intend to simply profit off you and your other siblings’ massive generosity with no acknowledgement of your sacrifice and massive sense of entitlement. I hope you and your other siblings back out of the deal, at least until they show some form of contrition and agree to your very reasonable conditions.

rutabagapies54 said:

NTA at all. The whole idea was to give them a stable living situation and preserve the house in the family like your mom wanted. If that’s not happening I wouldn’t give the gift anymore. It is going to create bad blood regardless at this point because they’re taking advantage if you give it and that will make everyone else feel used.

And if you don’t give it they seem entitled enough to feel like they’ve lost what’s owed to them. I would just insist on selling now and taking your portion or being bought out. I’m not sure the legal parts of it all, but I definitely wouldn’t give up my inheritance so they can flip the house.

EnvironmentalGroup15 said:

NTA, family property is so important! that house should be kept in the family if that was the moms wish. Your sister is not the only kid, and it seems like its more her husband who sees it as a cash opportunity that what it is meant for.

I would not ever transfer the house to them, they can rent it for 2 years and then go move on to whatever it is they plan to do and someone else in the family can live there, or rent it until they are ready to live there.

teresajs said:

NTA. Your family needs to probate your Mom's estate! Collect up the relevant documents, hire an Estate attorney and get that process started. Your sister is no more deserving of your inheritance than you are. You can push to have the estate sell the house and take your portion of any profit. Buy stop letting this moulder. Get things moving on the estate.