"AITA for not explicitly stating my punch is non-alcoholic?"
I (25F) recently attended a potluck-style work party, and brought punch, which has since caused a problem between myself and another coworker (42F), who we’ll call Sandy.
Last week, my boss hosted a party at his house to celebrate the end of the busy season, and a job well done. All of my coworkers and their spouses were invited, and we decided it would work well to do a potluck to offset the cost of feeding everyone (about 35 people, since not everyone who came brought a spouse or significant other).
I volunteered to make a punch that I’ve brought to previous work events that everyone said they enjoyed, as well as some fruit to go with it. This was a casual party with alcohol present, but since I have some coworkers who don’t drink, I didn’t add any alcohol to this punch, and figured that if people really wanted some they’d just add it themselves.
Fast forward a couple hours, and Sandy is getting even louder and more dramatic than normal, and is stumbling around the party. I didn’t think much of it and figured she brought her own drinks, or was adding some of the hosts alcohol that was put out into something else.
She suddenly fell off the chair she was sitting on, and made a big show of saying that it’s because she was so drunk- she then asked me, in front of the rest of our coworkers, what it was that I put in the punch.
I was confused, and told her what was in it (just a mix of ginger ale, 7up, orange juice, and a can of juice concentrate), and she wanted to know what alcohol I put in it, because she’s been drinking it all night, and is “really feeling it”.
I told her that I didn’t put any alcohol in it, and asked if maybe someone else had spiked the punch bowl- nobody said they added anything, and one of my coworkers who doesn’t drink even said that they’d also been drinking the punch all evening, and was still completely sober.
I also would like to clarify that I understand how context can matter, like if everyone else was really drunk then that can make even a sober person feel like they’re loaded, but that definitely was not the vibe- Sandy was the only person acting “drunk”. She then got really quiet, and went by herself to the bathroom.
The rest of my coworkers and I exchanged some awkward glances, and tried to laugh it off. She left shortly after, and I received an angry text from her about how I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that, and that now she looks like an “idiot” in front of our bosses, and the rest of our coworkers.
She’s been hostile to me at work ever since, and is basically refusing to talk to me. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, and most of my coworkers agree with me, but some say that I should have just let her go on thinking that the punch was alcoholic to save her the embarrassment, and I’m wondering now if I’m in the wrong. AITA?
OP answered a bunch of questions in the comments:
Alannaaificate asked:
INFO: Have you ever spiked the punch, yourself? Has it ever been spiked by someone else? How long has Sandy worked there? Has she ever been to a work event where the punch WAS spiked? Has she ever said or done anything that lead to you two butting heads or you concluding she doesn't like you or otherwise views you as competition? Have you?
Full disclosure I'm asking because it's possible she has it out for you, not that I necessarily think you've done something to warrant it. And since she's making things difficult on the clock, the safest way to resolve it is to escalate to your boss or HR, and they're likely to ask you questions along the same lines.
Even if you've never spiked the punch before and you two don't have a history, I'm almost entirely sure Sandy was either trying to embarrass you by implying you got her roaring drunk at a work event or she's got that super rare auto-brewer's disease where her stomach produces alcohol.
Since the latter is massively unlikely given how she was sober enough to leave, and she was acting drunk BEFORE she fell off her chair, I think it's safe to say we have our winner.
deenskees OP responded:
To my knowledge, there’s never been any spiked punch before. Most previous work parties have been pretty tame, and many have not had alcohol present at all. Everyone’s aware that there’s a number of coworkers who don’t drink, and are respectful of that, so even when there is alcohol around, it’s clearly labeled.
As for the rest of your question, Sandy is definitely the type of person who likes attention. She regularly inserts herself into other people’s business at work, overshares about her personal life to an extent where other people are uncomfortable, and is just the type of person who always has a story to one-up everyone else.
I know for a fact that management is aware of this behaviour from her, but I don’t know what exactly has been said to her to rectify it (if anything at all). Unfortunately, my bosses are very non-confrontational and tend to just let things slide under the rug, which means this probably won’t change any time soon.
As far as this incident goes, I think I’m just the one unfortunate enough to get caught in her blast radius- she’s often said that she’s “such a lightweight” and can get drunk off of just a few drinks, so I’m thinking now that that’s maybe what she was trying to show. Not anything directly pointed at me, from what her previous behaviour would show.
I hope this makes sense, but she’s a very difficult person to try to describe- I’m just trying to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong here, but these comments are making me feel a lot better!
Here's what people had to say to OP:
She's just embarrassed.
She said: you make her look stupid. That’s not true. She made herself look stupid. And she doesn’t like to blame herself. She is too embarrassed to look you in the eye and that’s her reason for being distant. Keep a good relationship with your other colleagues and let them know how she reacted and why.
NTA - Sandy is a drama queen, and her goal was to embarrass you, and start trouble for you with the bosses. Don't feel a bit sorry for her that it backfired in her face.
You're NTA but I personally think you should always disclose in case there are people not drinking and they are intentionally not drinking your punch because they think it's alcoholic.