'AITA for not allowing my sister to have her birthday party in my house?' 'I hurt the whole family.'
"AITA for not allowing my sister to have her birthday party in my house?"
My husband (26M) and I (24F) just bought our first home recently, and we’ve worked incredibly hard to get here. We don’t come from money, and everything we have, we’ve earned ourselves. We are very close to my side of the family and see them nearly everyday.
I’ve always kinda been the black sheep of the family because I am the only one that has set boundaries. Anyway, a week after my husband and I moved in, my (26 F) sister sent me an invitation to her birthday party, which she planned to hold at our new house.
I want to note that she had briefly asked me about hosting the party here a few days earlier, and I told her I wasn’t sure because we still had a lot of unpacking to do. Clearly, that wasn’t a concern for her, and she went ahead and made the invitation days later, inviting extended family who live several hours away and would need to stay a night or two.
Since we’re still settling in, we don’t have extra beds or much furniture yet, and my husband and I didn’t feel ready to host what it felt like a large gathering so soon. When we haven’t even planned a housewarming party yet. Both of us work full time and have limited time to unpack, so things are moving slowly.
I told my sister that we’d be open to having a smaller, more intimate celebration—just immediate family and maybe one or two close friends. I also explained that this move has been a huge transition for me, and I’m still getting used to the new city and lifestyle, and while I wanted to celebrate her, I didn’t feel ready for a big party. After that, she stopped responding to me.
The next day, I went to my parents' house during my lunch break, and my dad came outside to tell me that they don’t want to see me. He said I was being selfish for turning down my sister’s request, that I had hurt the whole family.
Now my family refuses to speak to me until I apologize, and they’ve called me ungrateful and a narcissist. I don’t know if I was in the wrong or if I made a big deal about it and unintentionally hurt my family. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
KaliTheBlaze said:
NTA. No wonder you’ve had to set boundaries with your family! It’s utterly ridiculous that they feel like she’s entitled to your space like this. You’d best contact those extended family members before they make travel arrangements, because it doesn’t sound like she’s going to (or, at best, she’ll tell them it’s cancelled and it’s all your fault so you’ll look terrible).
DogsReadingBooks said:
NTA. You never said yes. You said that you would have to think about it. Your isster is the one who jumped the gun and started planning and inviting people. I don't understand your dad's comment about you hurting the whole family. That makes no sense. Definitely don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong.
RocknRight said:
NTA. Honestly, f the lot of them. If your parents are so concerned, they can host the party at their house. Also, why can’t your older sister host her own party?
kingbuggulug said:
NTA. It’s completely reasonable to set boundaries, especially after just moving into a new home and still getting settled. Hosting a large party with extended family staying over is a huge ask, and it sounds like your sister completely disregarded your initial hesitation.
It also seems like she may have told your family a different story, considering how extreme their reaction is. Standing your ground doesn’t make you selfish—it just shows you’re protecting your space and peace. If your family won’t listen to your side, that’s on them, not you.
Apprehensive_Bug_826 said:
NTA. It’s your house, you decide what happens there and when and to what degree. The way your sister and family are acting is like they want you to treat it like it’s their house as well and they also have a right to it, when it suits them. Obviously that is not the case, if anyone is acting like a narcissist it’s your sister.
mimizys said:
NTA, It's your home, you get to decide who gets to be in it and can take away anyone's access whenever you want. My assumption about the "hurting the family" bit is that your dad was referring to your suggestion of scaling down the party.
Since invitations were already sent out, suddenly rescinding some of them would be hurtful to the people who were uninvited. Still not your fault since your sister sent those invitations without an actual yes from you.
zepticvoid said:
NTA. Your "close" family are abusing you. Sister sounds like fave child, while you're the responsible one and therefore must cater to her. What a crock! In your shoes, I wouldn't bother trying to keep in contact. Dad decided NC on behalf of the family, let them have it.