'AITA for not attending my sister's wedding after she kicked me out of the bridal party?'
"AITA for not attending my sister's wedding after she kicked me out of the bridal party?"
So, a little backstory: I (28F) have always been close with my older sister (31F). We’ve been through a lot together, especially when it came to family issues growing up. She’s always been the "golden child," and I’ve always been the "black sheep" in our family. It’s been hard, but I’ve always supported her.
Fast forward to a few months ago—she got engaged, and of course, I was over the moon for her. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I was thrilled. I’ve never been in a bridal party before, and I really wanted to make sure everything went perfectly for her.
The drama started when she sent out the bridal party dresses. The style was something I honestly wasn’t comfortable in—it didn’t suit my body type, and it wasn’t really something I would choose for myself.
I told her I wasn’t sure if I could wear it and asked if there were any alternatives. I didn’t expect her to be upset, but she went off. She said that I was "ruining the vibe" of the wedding and that I should just be grateful to be included. She then accused me of "making everything about me" and "taking attention away from her special day."
I tried to explain that it wasn’t about stealing attention but just about feeling comfortable in my own skin, but she wasn’t having it. After a lot of back-and-forth, she ended up kicking me out of the bridal party completely. She said that if I wasn’t going to fully support her vision, then I shouldn’t be a part of the day at all.
I was devastated, but I didn’t want to make things worse, so I respected her decision. I didn’t attend any more bridal party events and stayed out of her wedding planning. The day of the wedding came, and I wasn’t invited to the ceremony or reception.
She sent me a message saying, “I hope you understand why I had to make this decision. I don’t want any drama on my special day.” I was really hurt by how things went down, but I also didn’t want to be the kind of person who would cause more tension, so I just stayed quiet.
Now, the problem is, my family is furious with me. They think I should’ve sucked it up and gone to the wedding to "keep the peace." My mom keeps calling me selfish, and my dad says I’m being too dramatic.
My friends have all told me I made the right choice, but I can’t shake the feeling that I might’ve let my sister down. She’s my sister, and I’ve always been there for her, so I’m questioning if I should’ve just gone and supported her regardless of the drama. So, AITA for not attending my sister’s wedding after she kicked me out of the bridal party?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You were not invited. You were specifically told you were not invited. Why would you attend? Tell your family members you didn't because you were not invited and told not to show.They can take the rest up with your sister. NTA.
NTA but I’m curious as to why you are even asking. Of you weren’t invited to the wedding you were right not to go. If you gate crashed the wedding you would have been rude. You respected your sisters wishes.
Do they all know you weren't invited?
NTA for not going to the wedding that you weren’t invited to. Does your family know you? weren’t invited? I do think you were kinda the AH for complaining about the dress. Nobody likes the bridesmaids dresses they have to wear. You just wear it and support the bride. Your sister is the AH for not inviting you to the wedding. Seems like a lot of unnecessary drama.
ESH. Why on earth couldn't you just wear the dress all of the bridesmaids would be wearing? It was one day out of your entire life. This part is a bit unclear: Did you sister actually uninvite from you attending wedding as just a guest? If she did, they you could not have gone anyway. Weddings bring out the absolute worst in people.
YTA about the dress thing. No bridesmaid likes their dress, you wear what the bride wants, that's the deal. Bridesmaids can sometines have input but the bride makes the choice. NTA for not going to a wedding you weren't invited to.
YTA for commenting about the bridesmaids dress. You DID make it about you. Women have been wearing ugly unflattering bridesmaid dresses for decades if not centuries. Not only did you comment, you argued.
As for the wedding NTA since you weren't invited and I'm rather shocked your parents don't know that. But you caused the whole mess by wanting a dress that you would be "comfortable in your own skin".
What are your parents not understanding here? You weren’t invited so you didn’t go. NTA You were “keeping the peace” by respecting your sister’s decision to uninvite you (even though I feel her reaction was way over the top: ask you to step down from the bridal party sure, if you’re not comfortable with the bridesmaids dresses she wants.
But totally uninviting you was taking things a little too far). If you’d shown up on the day, you’d have been accused to ruining her wedding, of attention seeking, who knows what else. The black sheep is always wrong, right??’
Tell your parents to f-off. What do they think would have happened if you had shown up. Show them the text she sent and ask why you are being berated. Then say, oh right, she’s the perfect one and give them the cold shoulder for a while.
This sounds way one sided. I’m sure the bride has a much different take on it. OP got kicked out of being a bridesmaid because she didn’t like the dress? It’s a wedding - the bridesmaids are supposed to wear the same dress right?
Sounds like OP made a huge deal out of it and the sister told her this is the dress, take it or leave it. Any time I see this “ golden child” trope, I think here comes a victim. Usually the golden child is a successful overachiever and the black sheep is jealous.