'AITA for not drinking the champagne after a wedding toast?' 'It’s rude not to drink.'
"AITA for not drinking the champagne after a wedding toast?"
So I went to a wedding today. Super excited, as it was my first gay wedding, so I was wondering what might be different, what might be similar, things like that, but I also felt really supported (as a queer person myself).
The whole thing made me immeasurably happy. But after a toast made by a person who was giving a speech, (Yes, I did raise my glass) I didn’t drink the champagne, because I do not drink any alcohol. None, whatsoever. Not even a sip. (Same with energy drinks) It’s simply not something I’m comfortable with.
My mother, who was also invited, looks at me with an upset expression, and a slightly raised voice. She says, “It’s rude not to drink the champagne after a toast“ and something about it being insincere, things like that. So I told her, I’m simply not comfortable with drinking it, and that wasn’t my intention.
But I felt weirdly pressured and uncomfortable, so I settled for taking a sip of a different beverage for the following toasts. I figured this might qualify here, who knows. But it really did make me feel weird, and I don’t get why she got so upset.
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Most of the servers didn’t speak English (sometimes when they were asked questions without yes or no answers, (like “where is the trash”) they just said “yes” instead of giving the answer we were looking for, and mainly spoke to each other in Spanish.
(Which is fine - no judgement to them! I’m from a largely Hispanic family myself.) I’m not confident in my Spanish, however, and was also not informed about whether or not I could ask for a non-alcoholic beverage.
The champagne was also already on the table at our assigned seats, so I did not choose it, nor was I given an option. And yes, I know it was my fault for not communicating, but I didn’t know how to, and did not know the hosts well enough to say anything to them (I met most of the family for the first time since childhood (that I do not remember)that day.)
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Major_Barnacle_2212 said:
I just checked two etiquette sites that both say you were not rude. The roast is about the words - not the drinks. She probably caused more of a scene than you did. NTA.
ExistenceRaisin said:
NTA. You should never feel obliged to drink alcohol if you don't want to. Your mom shouldn't have pressured you.
JPenelope said:
NTA. Alcohol consumption is not necessary for a toast. There is superstition that you should have a sip of your drink at the end of the toast for good luck, but it does not need to be champagne. I toast with water all the time.
analfistinggremlin said:
NTA. I’m over a decade sober. I enthusiastically raise my glass to toasts but if there is nothing in front of me but champagne, I’m not drinking it, not even a sip. It’s perfectly fine to abstain from drinking, and it’s perfectly fine to use a non alcoholic beverage for a toast. Your mom was out of line.
seinfeld45 said:
NTA. Respectfully, your mom is tripping. Who even notices if someone drinks the beverage they're toasting with? Do what you feel comfortable with and, as another poster said, the whole thing is about the toast/speech, not about drinking alcohol.
(To think of it another way, would someone judge a pregnant woman, or a recovered alcoholic, for drinking soda water instead of champagne or whatever? No, it's a personal choice no matter what your reasons).
otisandme said:
NTA you weren’t rude, but your mom was. Plenty of people don’t drink alcohol and there no reason for them to feel pressure.