'AITA for not getting special Halloween treats for a kid who has a disability?' UPDATED
"AITA for not getting special Halloween treats for a kid who has a disability?"
Every year at Halloween we give out chips instead of candy. My wife and I think it’s fun for the kids to get chips to go along with their candy. We buy ahead of time at Costco so there’s always plenty. What we don’t use will be saved for things like bbq later in the year so people can have their own bags of chips.
I have a neighbor Debbie who is really upset about the potato chips we give put because her kid don’t eat them. She thinks we should offer some other options to her kid because he has a disability.
I don’t think that’s fair and I told her it’s extremely rude to ask people who are giving out free stuff for Halloween to change things for just one kid and I told her I’m not doing it. When her child comes and knocks on my door he gets chips like everyone else.
I let the kids pick the types of chips from the bowl that they like and I feel like that’s more than generous. Debbie said other neighbors are accommodating, her child disability for Halloween and I should think of others. I’m older so I think a child should be grateful for whatever they get for free on Halloween and not expect special treatment for a disability when getting free items.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA, reasonable of neighbor to ask but not to expect or demand. BUT some possible considerations...
To what extent are all of these neighbors including you all like friends or you all know each other? Other neighbors are being accomodating because like any host or restaurant if you provide more options then more people will come to your party. If you don't have food that this kid can eat then they aren't going to come to your door. If you're ok with that then cool.
Or is this going to create some divide in a larger group, like now everybody on the block is all sharing halloween together with each other except for that your one family and the neighbor's one family are the only ones who aren't involved with each other. It sounds like the neighbor is saying "come on, get on board."
So you are making the decision that you don't want to be on board of this ship. I have no idea of whether this is something that would matter because of some larger community dynamic.
Ok-Investigator9891 OP responded:
If it creates a divide in the community I won’t hand out candy next year.
Don't let them steal your joy.
YTA. You've really decided spending 2-3 bucks on a different treat to help out a disabled kid is where you want to make your stand?
Ok-Investigator9891 OP responded:
We already give out around 300-400 bags a chip a night what if every kid decides on a special treat because I gave one out. That $2-$3 becomes in the hundreds.
So there is a neighborhood community dynamic. If that's the case, can't you just talk to one of the neighbors and borrow an extra of whatever special food they got? Does each neighbor have to make their own separate shopping trip for this?
I think if I was this lady I would help to organize so one person could buy them and hand them out to all the parents to be prepared. In fact, maybe she should do that. Kind of seems like this is the most complicated way to do this and she could find a way to get what she wants and still make it easier for everyone. But IDK what kind of special snacks these are.
Ok-Investigator9891 OP responded:
I’m not doing all of that for 1 children when we get 200-300 in our neighborhood. It’s not happening.
Question because I'm confused. Can the child not eat the crisps you give out due to allergy or jaw/teeth problems so physically can't eat them. Or do they just not like them? I don't understand how the disability is relevant?
Ok-Investigator9891 OP responded:
I didn’t get that far in the conversation. She saw me outside decorating and started telling me how I needed other options because her kid has a disability and I should be more accommodating and not just offer chips.
YTA. I'll go against the grain here and say YTA. It would be one thing if it was a random child and you didn't know about his or her allergy. However, this kid is a neighbor. He and his family are people that most of us, presumably, want to get along with. Besides which, it's Halloween.
Trick or treating is for kids and you are being a Grinch about helping a little kid. I doubt Debbie is asking you to go out and buy him an entire bag of candy so I find it terrible that you can't spend $4 on something so the kid can enjoy getting something from one of his neighbors.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in having principles but this is an odd choice to stand so strong on since all you're doing is coming off as a grump who doesn't want a disabled kid to participate in your treat giveaway.
Ok-Investigator9891 OP responded:
It’s people like you why so many houses no longer do trick or treating. It’s too much of a hassle as entitled as the parents and kids become.
People complain when whole neighborhoods turn off their lights on Halloween not realizing the main reason is not wanting to deal with spoiled adults or children anymore.
So many houses in my neighborhood, myself included, have quit participating in giving out candy because people are just too demanding and ungrateful.
Ok-Investigator9891 OP responded:
That will probably be is next year. My wife and I are getting to the point where it’s no longer fun. If we didn’t have a back pile of chips we probably wouldn’t do it this year.
NTA. So, my kid is on the autism spectrum, and he only eats Skittles Littles and Sour Punch Bites. He will not touch any other candy, and trying to bribe him to taste it just leads to him gagging until he pukes.
You are not responsible for accommodating every f&^$%^# kid on Halloween! You're a freaking person, not some business/organization, giving out FREE candy. The ONLY accommodation I would ever think of asking for would involve me (THE PARENT) providing the treats and just asking the neighbors to give my kid that thing. nope nope nope
Update from OP after reading the comments and thinking about the situation:
My wife and I decided we don't want to deal with it anymore and will be donating the chips to the local school and churches for their Halloween party. All this comment about just do this or that. We aren’t. One less house in the neighborhood with the lights on. When your spoiled children cry because houses don’t do trick or treating anymore it all on people like you.