'AITA for not helping my younger sister just because she has cancer?' 'My mom expected to drop everything.'
"AITA for not helping my younger sister just because she has cancer?"
Okay so before the story I want to give background. Our dad is pacific islander, and our mom is just white. My sister (14) and I (17) were both born in the US. Our parents divorced when I was six I think. However I continued to live my dad until I was 11, whereas my sister stayed with my mom.
I live with my mom now because my dad wanted to move back to the islands, but I didn't want to leave my friends. However I know much of my family who still do live on the islands, and keep in touch with my "roots" I guess. This is mostly thanks to my dad. My sister doesn't. Okay so onto the story.
About four months ago my sister was diagnosed with Sarcoma which is like a kind of bone/tissue cancer. She's had to go through a lot of procedures and spend a lot of time at the hospital, and I've spent a lot of it with her and helping her, and while I don't mind helping her, when she did get diagnosed, my mom expected me to drop literally everything to be there to help her.
Meaning if she's at the hospital, I'm at the hospital. If she's undergoing a surgery or "stressful procedure" I have to stop everything I'm doing (including school) and sit in the waiting room as support.
But all that I could handle and it was annoying but whatever. However recently the doctors finally decided they wanted to do Chemo, and my sisters hair has begun to fall out. She shaved it, but is extremely upset about it, because she really loved her hair.
The other day my mom suggested that I shave my own hair so a wig can be made out of it for her. For reference my hair goes down to below my butt. However the thing is you're only supposed to cut your hair when a family member dies, and it's a tradition my entire family (dad's side) upholds. And to be frank, I like my hair and have no desire to shave it, as I have been growing it out since I was a kid.
I explained this to both my sister and my mom, but both are instant that I should do it, and that a tradition like that is meaningless, especially since my sister might die anyways. I told them no.
They've both asked several times more, and my sister even begging. I once again reiterated why I wouldn't, and that asking me too was insulting. Now my sister is upset and saying that I obviously don't actually care that she's struggling and aren't being understanding.
However I've bent over backwards for her, so the fact she's going so far hurts. But she's also never asked me of anything like this before and is really upset, so I just don't know, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FireBallXLV said:
NTA. Do not let them bully you OP. And stop missing school for your sister. Your Mom and Sister are asking too much. Anytime someone asks you to sacrifice something to prove your love that is a step too far. A decision to sacrifice anything should come originally from YOUR heart —NOT their lips.
CaliforniaJade said:
NTA. Your mom can use her own hair if she wants to so bad.
disney_nerd_mom said:
NTA. Please talk to your dad or a school counselor. You might also reach out to the hospital social worker...if your sister is in now or next time, go to the desk and ask a nurse for help. Tell them about the pressure you are being put under by mom and sister that you have to be at hospital when sister is and the hair thing.
Do you think any of your mom's family would be receptive to your concerns and help facilitate an intervention? Your mom and sister are way out of line. I would think your dad would be the best advocate. Has he not come back to see your sister?
lmmontes said:
NTA and while this is a scary illness, why do you have to drop even school to just sit around while she's in surgery? It is too much and could lead to resentment.
Outrageous_Lab375 said:
NTA Your hair, your choice. I'm sorry your mom and sister are being so awful to you about it.
4ged_Gouda said:
NTA. Especially seeing how long you’ve been growing out your hair. They can buy one if she is really desperate. I was also wondering the relationship between your sister and dad as he seems to be absent during her whole diagnosis.