'AITA for not meeting or wanting to be in the life of my ex's new baby who is my kids' half sibling?'
"AITA for not meeting or wanting to be in the life of my ex's new baby who is my kids' half sibling?"
My ex (30f) and I (30m) broke up in 2022 after she cheated on me with my ex-best friend John (31m). My ex and I have two kids ages 8 and 6 who we have 50-50 parenting time of and shared legal and physical custody after DNA proved they were mine.
Ex and John were together until December 2024 when John found out she had cheated on him. She was pregnant and paternity of the baby was in question. John tried reaching out to me about it but I continued to ignore him like I had while he was with my ex. He and I will never be friends again.
My ex gave birth in February and paternity is still in the air and they're awaiting a DNA test result. John's had nothing to do with the baby yet because he refuses to be in the child's life unless the child is his. I don't know about the other guy(s?). I don't even know how many there are.
My ex's parents always handled exchanges with our kids so there was less tension around the kids. But after my ex gave birth they started suggesting I meet the baby and putting it out there that I'll always be a part of this child's life and how their newest grandchild could do with someone like me in the picture.
I told them it was a shame their daughter didn't consider that before she cheated on me. They told me it wasn't the innocent baby's fault to which I rolled my eyes at them and said it can't be the baby's fault but the baby isn't mine or family to me.
They didn't like that and when they found out I did nothing and bought nothing for the baby after they (don't know if my ex had a boy or girl) were born. Ex's parents gave me a hard time about it and I told my ex if it continued I would file a modification with the court for someone else to be nominated to handle exchanges.
She told me I was being a dick. I have documented everything but these comments are now said when we see each other at the store or on the street instead of during exchanges which is smart.
My ex reached out and asked me for $500 to buy formula and diapers and some rash treatment for the baby the other week and I quickly said no. The kids were with me so I knew immediately it wasn't for them.
She asked a second time and I told her my answer had not changed. Ex's parents tracked me down when I was buying paint the next week and they unleashed all this anger about my refusal to be in the baby's life or even meet the baby.
They said John won't be a good father whether he is or isn't and nobody else wants to know but I'm already a dad and the kids could be raised together but I won't even be an uncle for this child and they said how selfish I am and what a POS I'm being when they know I can be better.
That I am the father of this baby's half siblings and how my kids will never embrace the baby if I don't. I think it's crazy to expect me to have anything to do with this child. Especially to expect me to embrace and love this child. Baby is innocent but I am not a member of their family.
They are my children's half sibling but it doesn't mean they are my child or anything by association. This is how I see it anyway. And for anyone who asks I am still documenting and I'm discussing the next steps with my attorney over contact and exchanges. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA — You’re under zero obligation to be involved in your ex’s new baby’s life. That child isn’t yours, and it’s not your responsibility emotionally, financially, or otherwise. It sucks that your kids have a half-sibling in a messy situation.
But your role as a dad doesn’t extend to fixing your ex’s choices. You’re being clear, firm, and handling it responsibly. Keeping boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you sane.
Yeah, that’s a lot of cojones, asking you to not only be in the child’s life as some kind of uncle figure but, to expect you to give $500 for diapers and formula?!?!? And if you helped out at all, where would it end? NTA.
Why isn't your ex asking her enabling parents to help support her baby. She wants to set a precedent so you will be obligated to support that baby. Since she's such a skank why doesn't she go on the hunt for a new mark.
SealFrostySwinnon (OP)
Something I wonder too. Luckily even if I did help her a little... not that I would but if I did she could not obligate me to do more. They won't establish any kind of legal obligation if you're not the bio father and you're unmarried.
NTA-their expectations of you are absolutely wild. If her parents are so concerned about it let them take on the burden of helping with the child and paying for its needs.
SealFrostySwinnon (OP)
I wondered about that. Why ask me when this child has a grandfather who can be active in their life? Ex's dad is right there after all.
Your ex and her family can’t force you to embrace a child that’s not yours, especially after everything that happened. You’re doing what’s best for your own mental health and your kids, and it’s not your responsibility to play a role in a situation you had no part in creating.
NTA. The baby has a father. If it's John, it's John's problem. Let them call John the P.O.S. If it's some other lover, she should track him down and make him pay $500 for his own child.
All of this is none of your business. And if Mom is financially unable to take care of her children, you might ask the court to let you take your two off her hands, then she can provide for just the one and pay child support to you, which will cost her much less than juggling three kids.