'AITA for not inviting my friend’s boyfriend on a group holiday because he makes it obvious he hates me?'
"AITA for not inviting my friend’s boyfriend on a group holiday because he makes it obvious he hates me?"
Strict_Owl_6601
My friends and I are planning a trip to my dad’s holiday home in august. It’ll be 7 of us total. It would be 8, but I’ve decided not to invite my friend “Kara”‘s boyfriend “Alex”, because every time I see him he makes it blatantly obvious he doesn’t like me.
Since I met him about a year ago, he has been awkward and standoffish with me in a way he isn’t towards our other friends. I have really tried to make conversation with him but everything I do seems to offend or annoy him.
He avoids me like the plague in group settings, rolls his eyes at everything I say, and only gives monosyllabic answers to anything I ask him. I’ve given up trying to be his friend but he can’t even be polite and it’s annoying. I get that not everyone is going to like you in life but I don’t think there’s any need to be rude.
(I have asked Kara what I did to upset him but she denies there’s a problem. She just says he’s an awkward person and probably just doesn’t feel comfortable around me).
Anyway, I just can’t be bothered to spend ten days hosting someone who can’t even manage to say hello to me. So I told Kara that the invite didn’t extend to Alex. She’s pissed. She said he’d be really hurt by that and that it’s disrespectful to her relationship.
I said Alex is disrespectful to me and I don’t have to put up with that in my family’s house. She put it to the group and 2 people sided with her but I said we can all pick a neutral location to stay if they want Alex to come so badly.
That messed everyone up because the cost of staying in that area in the summer is astronomical. Kara is calling me a tyrant, and I guess I kind of am, but I think I’m justified. No, Alex is not outright cruel to me but he’s hostile, so why do I have to put him up?
I know Kara is complaining to our other friends about the issue and how she doesn’t want to go now that Alex is excluded. I don’t want this kind of drama but after I’ve been the only one acknowledging the problem, I think I have to stand my ground here. Should I just let him come?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TeenySod
Who gets to stay in your house is not a democratic decision: yes, you are being a tyrant and absolutely justifiably so. NTA. If 'Alex' can interact with the rest of your friends then he can at least show some basic courtesy to you, especially after being around you for a year (the 'feeling comfortable' thing is BS after this length of time: Alex is just rude).
You have offered the perfectly reasonable alternative of going somewhere else where Alex can be included. You just don't want him in YOUR home, which is fair enough from the circumstances you describe.
FindAriadne
NTA but Kara kind of is. She is acting entitled. If she doesn’t want to go she can politely decline or plan another trip. She can be mad at you but making a stink and involving other people isn’t cool.
Ratchet_gurl24
Well Kara claims her bf doesn’t feel comfortable around OP. Then OP is doing the bf a favour by not including him. Kara also claims that if bf can’t go, she won’t either. Problem solved. It’s OPs family holiday home. None of these friends gets to dictate who OP can and cannot invite.
Professional_Ruin953
At this point I would uninvite Kara. I wouldn’t put it past her to try either 1) bring Alex along anyway, rally peer pressure with a guilt trip of his sunk cost that he’s already travelled up and has no way back without her leaving too, to force you to capitulate, or 2) be a miserable curmudgeon the entire trip deliberately bringing the atmosphere down for everyone else.
Alex clearly has a beef he’s not admitting, Kara maybe knows what it is or not but either way doesn’t care to resolve it. They can kick rocks together. NTA.
KazeKae
NTA. Your house, your plans, your vacation. If he bothers you, you don't have to invite him. You friend should understand that this isn't a 1 time thing and that you told her beforehand that he's being a problem and she just denied it.
Fiigwort
NTA if the guy can't give you the basic decency of treating you like a person, he doesn't deserve the kindness of free accommodation. He's an ass for obvious reasons, but Kara is an ass too for allowing her boyfriend to treat you like garbage for (as far as we know), no reason.
PLUS, trying to leverage 'fairness' and turn your other friends on you, if she keeps going, I'd uninvite her too. Why would you want to date someone who treats your friends like that?
paul_rudds_drag_race
NTA people like her think that just because her relationship is super important to her, that other people should center it too. Tough titties to her. You shouldn’t have to put up with that guy for days on end on your father’s property so she can be centered. She’s happy to have you uncomfortable. She’s selfish. Leave her out entirely, I say.
I empathize. Generally speaking, I know it can be a pain in the ass when friends and family choose to bring around a partner who lacks social skills, is rude, cases problems, etc. If that’s what the friend or loved ones likes in a partner, that’s on them and it doesn’t mean anyone else has to put up with it.