Aunt accused of 'fatphobia' after banning nephew from son’s birthday for eating his $140 cake. AITA?
"AITA for not inviting my nephew to my son's birthday party?"
I (35f) have a son, Cillian (14m) who just recently had a birthday. The issue stems from his birthday from last year, where we invited all his cousins and his friends to celebrate him.
The party went great for the first half, but when it came time to cut the cake I went over to fridge to go get it and saw it was half eaten. I was obviously upset about this because this had been a cake that I had made by a professional baker that cost me around $140 and my son really loved the design.
I asked who ate the cake and my sister (44f) laughed it off when her son, Robbie, (16m) told her that he ate the cake because he was hungry. To be clear the cake wasn’t the only food at the party, throughout the party we served many different dishes such as wings, veggie platters, pizzas, chips, and sodas.
I was obviously angry that my son couldn’t have his cake and had to quickly go out and by one from Walmart. I’m honestly still shocked that with all the food at the party Robbie still managed to clear half of a huge cake, it was enough to produce about 20 slices.
I called my sister later to tell her I wasn’t happy with what her son had done and since I had spent so much money on the cake I expected it back. She then accused me of being fat phobic which absolutely is not true, I have never once discriminated against Robbie at any time, this was just a false accusation.
To explain, Robbie has a weight problem and has been having issues with binging since he was around 13 which is why he is about 250 pounds and my sister has never failed to let anyone know of that and expects for everyone to bend over backwards for Robbie since he has it hard.
This year Cillian wanted to have a friends only party with the exception of 2 cousins, one that only his friends and closest cousins could come to since he hated his party from last year.
I asked why and he explained to me that he was embarrassed of Robbie since all he did was poke fun at his friends and him, bring his own uninvited plus one, and obviously he ate some of the cake.
I complied and only invited his friends and allowed 2 of his cousins to join as well. Luckily some of my siblings were understanding, the only one who had an issue with this was my sister.
She called me to ask why Robbie wasn’t invited and I explained to her that Cillian doesn’t want him there because of what he did last year, my sister was infuriated and said she knew we had an issue with her sons weight.
Since then she has been ranting all over Facebook and I’ve been getting calls from relatives and this entire situation has been stressing me out.
AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA you don’t have an issue with her sons weight, nor are you being ablest or fat phobic. You have an issue with him bringing an uninvited guest, making comments that made your son uncomfortable, bullying your son and his friends, and last, but most importantly he ate half of his birthday cake.
There was plenty of food and he was not starving. he’s old enough to know what the word no means and he knew he should not have ate that. His behavior is why he was not invited. I would consider going low contact with your sister. I think you’ll find your life much more peaceful that way.
NTA. It's your son's party. He's old enough to determine his own guest list, and he's entitled to do so. He picked the people he wanted to celebrate with. That's his prerogative. Also, this was a friends party, not a family party. Being family doesn't mean one is owed an invite, and his cousin's past poor behavior justifies him not being invited.
NTA Fat people don't get a free pass to eat everyone else's food. His problem isn't that he's fat, it's that his mother doesn't love him enough to get him help for his food obsession and she hasn't taught him basic manners or that it is wrong to steal no matter how hungry we are.
I don’t understand how two adults that grew up in the same household can end up with one entitled AH that has no manners and politeness. If the kid wanted cake before the bday boy gets to blow out his candles, the mother should’ve taught that it’s not right to touch someone’s cake and that there’s plenty of other food to eat.
Clearly that sister needs to be taught manners to teach her own kid or else be excluded from future events.
NTA Your nephew is 16, and I double-checked because I thought surely he is just 6; but he is way too old for that behavior to be even remotely tolerated. Heck, I would have been appalled if my son had done that at 3 yrs old. Your son is allowed a birthday party that he enjoys without having to worry that his cousin is going to act inappropriately.
I would tell anyone who asks that your son is having a close friends party and the guest list has been set. Repeat that to anyone who decides to stick their nose it and do not think for a second you have done anything wrong. Your sister allows her almost adult son to act very inappropriately and he is old enough to understand the consequences of those actions.
NTA. Your sister seems unable to distinguish between her son's weight and his behavior. Excluding him for weight would indeed make you an AH, but you're excluding him for his terrible behavior. He could've been skinny as a beanpole and you'd still exclude him for his behavior.
Your sister is really not helping her son by conflating these two things. Idk if he's too old to listen to you anymore (my guess - he's learned from Mom that he doesn't have to listen to anything critical), but if you get a chance to talk to him directly, he needs to be aware that his weight is a very different issue than his behavior, and the world at large is not going to excuse his behavior the way his mother does.
But my guess is that such a conversation would be pointless at best, and would set off another tirade from your sister at worst, so your nephew is going to have to learn that lesson in other ways.