'AITA for not inviting my stepmother wedding dress shopping?' 'My own mom died.'
"AITA for not inviting my stepmother wedding dress shopping?"
I went shopping for my wedding dress last weekend and picked a dress. I brought my two best friends and my two grandma's. My stepmother saw our photo on the bridal store's page and she was upset I didn't ask her to come.
Two of her son's are married and their wives didn't invite her either and her third son is gay so I was her only chance to experience this because she has no daughters. She told me she wanted to come and wanted to know why I wouldn't invite her.
She claimed she became my mom when I was 10 (which is when she married my dad) and she had no other girls so having me leave her out was extra hurtful. She vented about her DILs not including her in that process either and how one went solo even though she was free and close by to go with her.
For reference, I do not consider her my mom and I never considered her in a parental light. She's married to my dad and makes him happy so I appreciate that, but I never liked how she seemed to obsess about me being a girl and having a mother/daughter relationship.
My own mom died so it made me more protective of who claims that title for me. But even still I do not feel like she would have made any effort to be a mom to me if I were a stepson vs a stepdaughter. I wasn't going to include her in anything wedding related. She'll be invited as my dad's wife.
She'll be in photos because they're married. She'll be seated with him for the same reason. But she's not mother of the bride or anything. And I don't have a relationship with her where I would ask her to help with wedding related stuff.
I'm no longer that close to my dad either so I don't see them often anyway. But she has been making her point about being left out and asking me why I excluded her. It's very clear she's unhappy. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
twothirtysevenam said:
NTA. You can invite or not invite anybody you want or don't want there to watch you pick out a dress. What I found odd in this post is this part: "My stepmother saw our photo on the bridal store's page." Do people really follow bridal shops' social media pages if they aren't getting married soon themselves? Maybe it's just me, and I am open to being wrong about this, but that strikes me as unusual.
Alarming_Energy_3059 said:
NTA. You have a mom. Just because she died doesn't mean your stepmother can snatch her place. How can anyone even begin to replace your mom? She can be hurt about it, but that's on her, not on you. I'm so tired of step parents trying to force a parental bond between them and their stepkids.
We wouldn't ask a fully grown adult to suddenly love and respect someone just because they married into the family. Then why should kids be forced to love their parent's new wife/husband?
RogueX047 said:
NTA. Your feelings are valid and what you have experienced are valid. Just be truthful and honest with her, and just leave it at that. It's your wedding, you decide how you do this. You are not obligated to do what your step-mom wants, and it's not on you that she didn't get what she wanted from her other daughter in laws.
I feel like this is something she should have realized when marrying your dad, that there would be a chance that the children of the man she's marrying would still hold onto their real mother, which isn't a bad thing and it's their choice and she should have been mature enough to understand. It's a complicated situation.
notcontageousAFAIK said:
NTA. I'm a Mom of a daughter. Just because of her personal style and beliefs, I'm pretty sure I'll never be asked to go shopping for a wedding dress. I'm fine with that, because she needs to do what will make her happy. But the larger principle is that we don't actually own our children.
We are not entitled to live through them. You brought the people you thought would give you the right kind of support. That is exactly what you should do.
peggingpinhead said:
NTA. Your wedding is about you and your partner. Your stepmother seems to think it's about her. She is mistaken.
MoodOk4607 said:
NTA. Nobody gets free access to you just because they think they should.
GirlDad2023_ said:
She's not your mom, yours unfortunately passed away. She seems awfully entitled to think she should automatically get invited to go dress shopping. NTA.