'AITA for not letting my friend bring her dog to stay at my house while she visits?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for not letting my friend bring her dog to stay at my house while she visits?"

I’m 32 and live in a quiet suburb with my partner and our two cats. We have a small house with a fenced backyard and a guest room, and we actually enjoy having people over from time to time. I work from home as a freelance writer, so I spend a lot of time in my space, and I’m kind of protective of my routine.

My old college friend Kayla recently texted to say she’d be in town for a week and wanted to hang out. I was genuinely excited it’s been years since we’ve seen each other. But then she added that she’d be bringing her dog, Maple, a 90-pound golden retriever, and she hoped it would be cool to stay at my house instead of paying for a hotel or Airbnb.

Her message was something like, “You have a yard, it’ll be perfect!” Here’s where it gets complicated. I like dogs, but my cats absolutely do not. One of them is elderly and on medication, and both have had bad experiences with dogs before.

The last time a friend brought a dog over for literally an hour my older cat went into hiding for two days and stopped eating. It was a mess. On top of that, my partner has a mild dog allergy. It’s not life-threatening, but after a couple hours of exposure, he gets congested, itchy, and generally miserable.

Hosting a dog for an entire week inside our home just isn’t something we can comfortably do. So I explained all this to Kayla as kindly as I could. I told her I’d love to spend time with her, take her out for brunch, maybe go for a walk or have a day together somewhere dog-friendly.

I even helped her look up a few pet-friendly Airbnbs nearby and offered to help cover the first night or two if cost was a problem. She didn’t take it well. She said I was being rigid and dramatic, and that “it’s just a dog.” Then she said she thought I’d be more understanding, and implied that I was choosing my pets over people.

Since then, she’s basically ghosted me. A couple of mutual friends think I did the right thing, but others say I could’ve just made it work for a few days and that it’s not that big of a deal. Now I feel torn. I honestly don’t think I was being unreasonable, but part of me wonders if I should’ve just sucked it up for the sake of the friendship. So AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Commercial-Loss-5042 wrote:

Isn't she choosing her pet over over your partners health and the health and stress of YOUR pets?? She needs to get a grip.

Enyardreems wrote:

A 90 lb golden retriever? NO NO and more NO. It's one thing for people to expect you to put them up for a week to save money (no matter what the cost and inconvenience to you) but when they assume they can bring along their animals? That's bulls#$t. Cats or no cats.

Evil_Genius_42 wrote:

NTA. I'm sorry, how did this go from "hey, I'm in town for a few days, let's hang out and catch up! " to "My dog and I are going to be staying at your house for a week." She didn't even ask to stay she demanded. Anybody telling you're an asshole for this has just volunteered to house what's-her-face and the dog. Also, don't offer to help her pay for an Airbnb, that's ridiculous and a waste of money.

No_Science_8600 wrote:

NTA. You don’t want a dog in your house, especially a dog that big. That should be the end of it. People who force their pets on others are the worst. They need to realize their dogs are not welcome everywhere.

My dog is an ESA and he’s my baby, but I’d never bring him somewhere he’s not welcome. I only take him to pet friendly places and friends homes if they say it’s ok. If it’s not ok, he stays home, and I don’t put up a fuss.

Five days later, OP shared an update.

After Kayla ghosted me, I figured that was that. I sent her one more message just saying I was still happy to see her if she was up for it, and that I hoped she understood I wasn’t trying to be mean or anything, just realistic. I didn’t hear anything back. Then, like three days into the week she said she’d be in town, I get a text completely out of the blue:

"I’m outside. Hope the cats can deal with it for one night." I literally froze. Before I could even answer, she’s knocking at the door with her suitcase and Maple (her dog). I opened it to talk, and she just walked in. Maple ran straight into the house, barking, and my older cat just bolted upstairs in full panic mode. Total chaos.

I told her kind of frantically, honestly that this wasn’t okay and she needed to take Maple outside so we could talk. She just exploded. Said I was being “ridiculous” and “cold,” that my house isn’t a "temple for cats" (her words), and that I clearly “value animals more than people.” I told her again, as calmly as I could manage, that she needed to leave. That’s when she snapped.

She knocked over this little bookshelf I keep in the living room plants, books, everything flying. Then she grabbed a coffee mug off the side table and smashed it on the floor. For context, it was one of the last things my partner had from his grandma. He was right there, watching it all happen. We ended up calling the authorities.

She stormed out before they got there, dragging Maple behind her, and I gave them her name and everything. We filed a report and I’ve started a small claims case for the damages. Between the broken stuff, an emergency vet trip for my cat (he stopped eating again from stress), and an urgent care visit for my partner's allergies flaring up really badly it was just a lot.

A few friends who originally said I was being “too rigid” have since changed their minds after hearing what went down. Others are still like, “that’s just how Kayla is,” which is honestly insane to me. Like… how is that even remotely okay behavior??

Anyway, I’m done feeling guilty. I tried to be understanding. I set a boundary and even offered alternatives. I was not mean. And she turned around and completely disrespected me, my home, and the people (and animals) I care about.

The internet commenters did not hold back their thoughts.

Rude-Potential-9294 wrote:

NTA and might I add please consider adding a screened locked door to talk to people without granting them access to your home? They have one at Menards for 150$ any anyone that is mildly handy can hang it up via YouTube video explanation. Your (hopefully ex) friend is NUTSO.

Cholera62 wrote:

Is she f#$king nuts?

[deleted] wrote:

Just because that's the way someone IS, doesn't make you her doormat or hotel! She's the complete AH here.

hbuggz wrote:

NTA, I'm glad you got the law involved. It's unacceptable enough to show up with her dog after all of the valid reasoning you gave her against it(though even if you hadn't had this, just not wanting someone else's pet in your home is a valid enough reason), but then to throw a tantrum including property damage? Absolutely wild and unforgivable behavior.